Let's begin at the beginning. I began this blog in the spring of 2005, not really sure how or what to write about, but somehow, I have moved through that. Heck, I even have a sort of following, two or three of you out there anywhay!!!!(Harrrdeeharrrharr.) Seriously, though, I never imagined that a part of my life would be so open to those around me, or not so around me, and many of you, I stumbled across by accident. Glad that I did, and I am a faithful reader of blogs. I see things differently than most of the folks I know, I don't know why, but there are times that I feel very detached, although I am sitting in a group of people. My mind sees things and I try to remember where I was going when I first felt the thoughts or feelings that rush through me. I don't think thoughts all of the time, there are times that I actually feel the thoughts. Hard to explain, but those of you who do the same will totally understand. I also smell the snow comming, about 8 or 10 hours before it actually starts to snow, I know it is comming. I also believe in those feelings that pass through me, I can tell when something is going to be good or bad, for the most part, but there are times when I just feel nothing. The nothing thing scares me, I feel desensitized. Maybe that is the way that I deal with horror, or helplessness, or it is my coping mechanisim. I really don't have the answers. Day to day is hard lately. I haven't figured out why, but it is just hard to get up in the morning and hard to go to bed at night. My mind wants to sleep and dream a little more in the morning, but needs to think everything through at night. I guess this is a post about nothing, but really a little insight about me, not my husband, not my kids, not the dogs or the house or anything but little (or not so little) old me!
There I wrote and wrote, you can all wake up from the boredom now!
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6 comments:
Glad you shared that with us. Maybe some day you'll get to figure it all out. It's like that for a reason.
Sometimes, you just have to write about what you think is NOTHING, but really turns out to be SOMETHING. Thanks for sharing. I think we are both similar. My brain doesn't like to shut off until all my thoughts are done for the day. Also, I'm trying something new this week. The last 2 nights it worked. I was asleep by 10pm and slept pretty much all night. I realize if I don't get to sleep by 10, then I'll be awake until midnight.
I don't know if you saw a movie long ago titled "The Neverending Story" - it is a children's movie, I guess.
But, the thing that they were fighting against was the Great Nothing. That which swallowed up the world's imagination. Without imaginiation, there is Nothing.
I hope your feelings of nothing go away soon.
CHyenne, this is the way it has been forever...I don't know why,just has, when something "bad" happens, I just don't feel. Cathy, I do write about nothing, well nothing that is of much importance to most people, that is the way I have gotten through this blog. When I first started it, I sat here in front of a blank screen, hoping that the words would come, and they did. I also made a post about what the "they" out there say about writers, even if you have to write a shopping list, that is what you should do to get the creative juices going, but I promise, I won't let you guys in on the shoppin list thing!
Peruby- never saw the movie, but know the song, it was a hit during the 80's a new wave guy sang it, can't remember the guy....imagination isn't the problem here, I feel nothing in the face of horror, tragedy, bad news and bad stuff. The whole delayed reaction hits me like 24hours or even a week later. Then I don't feel terrible, I feel angry, and upset. That is when the tears come. The whole time that my father was sick, and dying right in front of me, I felt obligation to go to him, I felt that I needed to be there, but I wasn't feeling distraught, not until I went back to work after the funeral was over. That is when I felt sick, crying all the wat to and from work. That is when I was a mess. Not when I needed to get what was bottled up inside out, but after it all went away. That is the "nothing" that I speak of.......thanks you three for your comments, I love sharing with my blog buddies.
Okay, the song was sung by two people. The first, I think was by Lamahl, but can't remember the second. The song happens to be on my iPod. I've watched the movie and am trying to get it for Cassi to watch. I think she'll enjoy it. But, even as famous writers are writing, they also think they are writing about nothing, but it turns out to be something. Just by getting the "stuff" out, the good stuff just comes with it.
AND, the grieving happens to everyone at different times. Just because your's happened after, doesn't mean it was bad. Just remember, your blog friends are out here and will "listen" and read when you need to blab about nothing, but might be something to you.
The fortunate ones are we who read your blog.
I loved this post. I could identify with much of it. I sometimes get the feeling that I should be very happy because I can't think of anything that would make me feel this way...but I do. There, do I hear a collective "Huh?"
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