Hello out there in Blogland! Sorry that I have been a disapointing writer for many a month! I just haven't had anything to write about lately, or more to the point, I haven't felt that my life has been at all interesting enough to write about.
My observations of the world around me just haven't been too keen.
Things here, on the homefront have been a status quo.
Life has been moving at a pace that doesn't allow me to breathe! (Not really, but I think most of you know what I mean)
The boys are the boys, and my daughter is my daughter.
The oldest is a college freshman, at the local community college, and seems to be enjoying it, as well as doing well in classes.
My middle one is a junior in high school, and is doing well.
My youngest is a 5th grader, breezing along and areal girl!
y husband is doing well, healthwise, and I am dong well too.
So there ya have it, in a crazy nutshell.
I am going to try to post more often, spouting my little opinions and such. I will try that is the best that I can promise! I miss my blogger friends!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Random Rambling
Today is the last Monday of High School for my oldest. He will be graduating a week from this comming Friday. I have mixed emotions about this. I am thrilled for him, but sad at the same time. I am excited, and yet, very anxious and nervous for him. I loose sleep at times because I just am not sure we prepared him to enter the "real" world. But anyhow, above is his Senior Portrait. Hope to post again soon!
Saturday, April 02, 2011
Here on Long Island, it is getting tougher to feel good about what is going on around us. Almost all of the school district are threatening layoffs, citing loss of school aid from the state. Many of the school districts can cut their budgets by laying off administrators to the tune of 100 thousand dollars per administrator, or more. I wonder what will happen to my two children who will still be in public school. My oldest will be graduating this June, so he will not be a part of these cuts. My middle child is going to be a junior next year, and I fear for his last tow years in high school. Will the classes be huge, will the sports programs run, will there be any programs for these kids. My daughter is in elementary school, she is actively involved in several "clubs" in her school. They are wonderful programs that are held before or after school and the kids benefit greatly from them. Chorus, Show Choir, Recorder Ensemble, French Club, Homework Club, and Intramurals. These will open up worlds to her that I am not financially able to open to her. I cannot afford voice lessons, nor enroll her in a foreign language program at 9 years old. She does play softball for a local league, and basketball in the winter. But beyond those, it isn't feasable to pursue her interests outside of school. Our school taxes consist of more than half of our property tax bill, mor like 65% and they keep rising, with state cuts adding to the tax burden. It seems as though our region carries the state tax burden for schools, and we are relatively small in comparrison to the rest of our state. I know there is nothing that any of my blog readers can do about this little rant, but I just needed to get it off of my chest. It was necessary for me, I am tired of being overtaxed and told that I will be burdened with more taxes for education. SO, now I will get off of my soapbox.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Outlook
Today, as I start my day, I am trying to put a positive spin on everything. Somedays it is hard to do that, but I make the choice to be positive. Personally, I beleive that being happy and being positive is a choice. You can decide as your feet hit the ground every morning. You can tell yourself, to see the goodness around you, or you can find fault with things. I am not saying to put on a false smile and forget responsibility or your worries. What I am saying is that you and you alone can look inward, and outward, and just be happy that you are here. The alternative stinks.
I have moments of sadness, and moments when I ask why I have been dealt the cards that I have. I am not always "Mrs. Mary Sunshine."
In this writing, I am trying to convey the overall attitude that I have tried to develop over the years.
One of my freinds had a great quote, and I apologize for not remembering who it was originally from, but my friend, Nance commented, "Happiness is a habit....." That hit home for me. I realize that we can't always be the happiest people in the world, but if we make it a habit, we can continue it for the most part. It is like taking a familiar route to the grocery store, or to work, or to a freind's home. We make it a habit.
A few years ago, as many of you know, I was a mess. I was deep in the pits of sadness, questioning why and so much more. Then something happened. I woke up one morning and said, all the the "stuff" that makes me unhappy isn't important. I looked around me, I was thankful for the fact that my husband was with me, that my children were well adjusted and loving human beings, and I decided that this was important, that this is what happiness is made of, the people around you that you love, the simple things.
After having a brush with serious illness, and living with the knowledge that it could all be over tomorrow, the reality wakes you up. End of story. As a family we could have wallowed in self pity, railled against the fates and been the angriest people in the world. Yet, somehow, even though the anger was and is still there, I looked beyond it, I realized that we still had each other at those moments. I realized that no matter what, our very lives depended upon our attitudes. I am not saying that we just pasted the smiles on and pretended. We made life "normal" for our children, we carried on. We woke up each morning, we got them ready for school, sent them to school, helped with homework when necessary, ate dinner together, did activities with them, and continued that every day. When Scott was in the hospital, the kids spoke to him via telephone every day, the boys were old enough to visit, and we took the train in to the city to see him, once a day. It was important for the kids to be able to continue their routines. It was important to break the routine and take them to see their father.
With routine, we move through life normally. With routine, we develop habits. Make outlook a part of the routine. Wake up in the morning with the attitude that you will find some good in the day.
Start small, think big. Dream of things for you, your husband, or your children. Laugh at something silly, even if it doesn't seem appropriate. Smile when you hear a baby laugh. When bad things happen, see the good on the other side. If you get a huge bill in the mail, look at it and see how to make it smaller. Ask yourself how to make it better, you will be able to, one step at a time.
I beleive the key to happiness is taking small steps, eventually the small steps add up to one big step.
Do I have the same dreams I had 20 years ago? No. Did I realize all of those dreams? No. Do I enjoy SOMETHING every day? Yes. Do I know that sometimes everything you wish for cannot be? Yes. Does that make me unhappy? No. Are there days when I regret not realizing all of my dreams? Of course, but the key is not to wallow in that feeling. Reality is that not everything can be handed to you or worked for. Reality is that we are ever evolving beings, times change, economy changes, circumstances change, health changes. Dreams don't always come true, that is for Fairy Tales.....and we can't live in a Fairy Tale, then we would be shattered people all of the time.
SO find your happy moment, look at your day and see that it is good to have sunshine, it is good to see a child smile, it is good to say hello to your friends. If you can find a little thing that makes you happy, you have won!
I have moments of sadness, and moments when I ask why I have been dealt the cards that I have. I am not always "Mrs. Mary Sunshine."
In this writing, I am trying to convey the overall attitude that I have tried to develop over the years.
One of my freinds had a great quote, and I apologize for not remembering who it was originally from, but my friend, Nance commented, "Happiness is a habit....." That hit home for me. I realize that we can't always be the happiest people in the world, but if we make it a habit, we can continue it for the most part. It is like taking a familiar route to the grocery store, or to work, or to a freind's home. We make it a habit.
A few years ago, as many of you know, I was a mess. I was deep in the pits of sadness, questioning why and so much more. Then something happened. I woke up one morning and said, all the the "stuff" that makes me unhappy isn't important. I looked around me, I was thankful for the fact that my husband was with me, that my children were well adjusted and loving human beings, and I decided that this was important, that this is what happiness is made of, the people around you that you love, the simple things.
After having a brush with serious illness, and living with the knowledge that it could all be over tomorrow, the reality wakes you up. End of story. As a family we could have wallowed in self pity, railled against the fates and been the angriest people in the world. Yet, somehow, even though the anger was and is still there, I looked beyond it, I realized that we still had each other at those moments. I realized that no matter what, our very lives depended upon our attitudes. I am not saying that we just pasted the smiles on and pretended. We made life "normal" for our children, we carried on. We woke up each morning, we got them ready for school, sent them to school, helped with homework when necessary, ate dinner together, did activities with them, and continued that every day. When Scott was in the hospital, the kids spoke to him via telephone every day, the boys were old enough to visit, and we took the train in to the city to see him, once a day. It was important for the kids to be able to continue their routines. It was important to break the routine and take them to see their father.
With routine, we move through life normally. With routine, we develop habits. Make outlook a part of the routine. Wake up in the morning with the attitude that you will find some good in the day.
Start small, think big. Dream of things for you, your husband, or your children. Laugh at something silly, even if it doesn't seem appropriate. Smile when you hear a baby laugh. When bad things happen, see the good on the other side. If you get a huge bill in the mail, look at it and see how to make it smaller. Ask yourself how to make it better, you will be able to, one step at a time.
I beleive the key to happiness is taking small steps, eventually the small steps add up to one big step.
Do I have the same dreams I had 20 years ago? No. Did I realize all of those dreams? No. Do I enjoy SOMETHING every day? Yes. Do I know that sometimes everything you wish for cannot be? Yes. Does that make me unhappy? No. Are there days when I regret not realizing all of my dreams? Of course, but the key is not to wallow in that feeling. Reality is that not everything can be handed to you or worked for. Reality is that we are ever evolving beings, times change, economy changes, circumstances change, health changes. Dreams don't always come true, that is for Fairy Tales.....and we can't live in a Fairy Tale, then we would be shattered people all of the time.
SO find your happy moment, look at your day and see that it is good to have sunshine, it is good to see a child smile, it is good to say hello to your friends. If you can find a little thing that makes you happy, you have won!
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
A Time of Reflection.......
On one of the Holiest days of the Catholic religion, I will take time to reflect.
Over the past say, 5 or 6 years, I will say I have been angry at God, angry at the Church, and questioned my beleifs, to the point where my daughter hasn't made her first Communion and my boys haven't been confirmed. I regret not being able to give my children the basic rites of passage in their religion, but and this is a big but......if I can't fully love and embrace what is the Church, then how can I ask them to?
I know that Religion and politics are tabu subjects to place in a public forum, sometimes you get opinions that you don't really want to have or hear. I have never shied away from anyone's opinion, so if it will be, it will be. Basically, I have replaced organized religion with spiritual thoughts, not of GOD, but of how to live a good and moral life.
I doubt that I will go to church today to "get ashes," but will reflect upon what I am missing in the equation of religion and life. Am I a believer? WIll I ever return to the church of my "official" religion? I don't know. I am in a flux state, I am in a place in my life where I need answers to my questions. So maybe we can call the season of lent my journey toward the answers. Small steps are the key to taking the larger ones.....
I am not going to go insane and beleive everything that is presented to me, especially if I feel that it is presented in "Cult Form." I am not running off to a monastery, nor will I be joining a commune at any time soon.
I just want it to feel ok again, to feel that I am not damned to spend eternity in Hell. I am being selfish here, I know, but once in a while a selfish act will answer all of my questions. So maybe over these 40 days, I can find what I am looking for, I can acheive peace in some way, a spiritual peace. I guess that is what this post is about, acheiving peace. Not sure where I will go with the walking of the road toward peace, but it will be a good journey, and one that I hope to come out on the other side feeling like I accomplished something.
Over the past say, 5 or 6 years, I will say I have been angry at God, angry at the Church, and questioned my beleifs, to the point where my daughter hasn't made her first Communion and my boys haven't been confirmed. I regret not being able to give my children the basic rites of passage in their religion, but and this is a big but......if I can't fully love and embrace what is the Church, then how can I ask them to?
I know that Religion and politics are tabu subjects to place in a public forum, sometimes you get opinions that you don't really want to have or hear. I have never shied away from anyone's opinion, so if it will be, it will be. Basically, I have replaced organized religion with spiritual thoughts, not of GOD, but of how to live a good and moral life.
I doubt that I will go to church today to "get ashes," but will reflect upon what I am missing in the equation of religion and life. Am I a believer? WIll I ever return to the church of my "official" religion? I don't know. I am in a flux state, I am in a place in my life where I need answers to my questions. So maybe we can call the season of lent my journey toward the answers. Small steps are the key to taking the larger ones.....
I am not going to go insane and beleive everything that is presented to me, especially if I feel that it is presented in "Cult Form." I am not running off to a monastery, nor will I be joining a commune at any time soon.
I just want it to feel ok again, to feel that I am not damned to spend eternity in Hell. I am being selfish here, I know, but once in a while a selfish act will answer all of my questions. So maybe over these 40 days, I can find what I am looking for, I can acheive peace in some way, a spiritual peace. I guess that is what this post is about, acheiving peace. Not sure where I will go with the walking of the road toward peace, but it will be a good journey, and one that I hope to come out on the other side feeling like I accomplished something.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy Valentine's Day!
Today is Valentine's Day. No big deal, unless you are a card company, a florist, or a candy store. Throw in a few stuffed animals and you have a money maker.
It isn't that I am opposed to a day to set aside for Love, but isn't that what anniversaries are for? A just the 2 of us moment? I think that there should be 5 minutes every day that a person, no matter what the time, no matter how many kids, pets , jobs or such, are running around in a busy life, just 5 minutes where people can and should connect with their significant other. If one partner is away, or not home for a reason, there are phones. make the effort, and the demonstrative effort won't have to be made on Valentine's Day.
I asked my husband not to spend money for flowers or chocolates....I just want to spend time with him, not in a resturaunt. I want to eat dinner at our dinner table, and do the ordinary things.
I am grateful for the ordinary things. I am grateful for the mundane. I am grateful that he is at the dinner table and can eat with our children. I am thankful that he is going to see our oldest son march to "Pomp amd Circumstance" in June! I am grateful and ever so thankful that he will be able to laugh at our daughter's silly jokes, and watch the joy in the eyes of our other son when he competes in baseball.
My joy this Valentine's Day is in knowing that we have survived together, gone thru the ringer so to speak, and come out whole, intact. I know that we can weather any storm. We have already.
So to repeat, mundane, family dinner, running the kids to their activities, comming home and watching Tv...those things I cherish. Looking across the table, or the couch, seeing my husband there, knowing that things could have been so different, knowing that he continues to just be, is perfect. I never need another expensive gift, nor will I ever ask for anything but having my husband and children in my life.
It isn't that I am opposed to a day to set aside for Love, but isn't that what anniversaries are for? A just the 2 of us moment? I think that there should be 5 minutes every day that a person, no matter what the time, no matter how many kids, pets , jobs or such, are running around in a busy life, just 5 minutes where people can and should connect with their significant other. If one partner is away, or not home for a reason, there are phones. make the effort, and the demonstrative effort won't have to be made on Valentine's Day.
I asked my husband not to spend money for flowers or chocolates....I just want to spend time with him, not in a resturaunt. I want to eat dinner at our dinner table, and do the ordinary things.
I am grateful for the ordinary things. I am grateful for the mundane. I am grateful that he is at the dinner table and can eat with our children. I am thankful that he is going to see our oldest son march to "Pomp amd Circumstance" in June! I am grateful and ever so thankful that he will be able to laugh at our daughter's silly jokes, and watch the joy in the eyes of our other son when he competes in baseball.
My joy this Valentine's Day is in knowing that we have survived together, gone thru the ringer so to speak, and come out whole, intact. I know that we can weather any storm. We have already.
So to repeat, mundane, family dinner, running the kids to their activities, comming home and watching Tv...those things I cherish. Looking across the table, or the couch, seeing my husband there, knowing that things could have been so different, knowing that he continues to just be, is perfect. I never need another expensive gift, nor will I ever ask for anything but having my husband and children in my life.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Library
I know that there are a ton of new electronic gagets out there to own that are reading aids. They kind of replace books, don't they?
It is a scary thing when books are being replaced by the internet. What will happen to our libraries if we can instantly have "books" in front of us?
Personally, if you haven't been able to figure it out, I am more than a little opposed to these gagets.
I love my local library, wandering for hours in the stacks, feeling the book in my hands, being able to turn the pages. The library has a certain look, no matter if it is a school library, a university library, or a public library. The peace and the serenity, I believe, is what has always drawn me to the library. My children have had library cards since practically they were born. My boys always belonged to the summer reading club, first with my mother, then with the ummer camp, and later with me. They are too cool to go to the library right now. Patrick, I am sure will have to rediscover the place when he enters school in the fall. I hope so anyway.
The Library has a certain smell. (No not of unwashed bodies and the like) The smell of ink, pages and dust. The combination of these things makes a library smell. I love the smell of the books in the stacks. I enjoy the artwork on the book jackets, and love discovering an author for the first time, by design or by chance. To me, the library is a gift. It is the gift htat has no returns....final sale, no exchanges, no chance of giving it back. It is a gift that I can give, and receive at the same time.
It is a fun experience that I can share with my daughter, who has a love of books and reading too. She understands that the library can take you places without a passport. YOu can time travel, you can learn history, you can learn that there are others out there in the world who share your vision. She gets it!
My daughter loves the library as much as I do. She begs to go, albiet at odd times, or extremely busy times.
Saturday, we went to the library. I had two books that I wanted to get, of course they weren't in our library, so they needed to be reserved. I think that is the mark of a good library. The books are being checked out, people are reading them, people are taking them home. They will call when they come in. Which will give me the excuse to go to the library! The children and parents section is being renovated so, the temporary HQ for that department is in the hall of a local small church. We went to the main part of the library first, then we hopped in the car and went to the CAPS section at the church. Cassidy had a tough time wrapping her head around the fact that the room was small, and that they didn't have all of the books on shelves. I think it bothered her to know that this was a reality in some places. But then she just accepted that it is what it is, and this too shall pass. When the Children's and Parents section is finished, it will be a whole new world for her again. She will have to learn the new design and will have to take it all in and enjoy it!
What a beautiful way to spend a morning with my daughter, and guess what? The only thing it costs is time. People spend so much money on books, on book clubs and such. THere is a treasure right in your own town...use it....enjoy it....savor it! DOn't let the electronic age take it all away, it is a part of you, and your community!
It is a scary thing when books are being replaced by the internet. What will happen to our libraries if we can instantly have "books" in front of us?
Personally, if you haven't been able to figure it out, I am more than a little opposed to these gagets.
I love my local library, wandering for hours in the stacks, feeling the book in my hands, being able to turn the pages. The library has a certain look, no matter if it is a school library, a university library, or a public library. The peace and the serenity, I believe, is what has always drawn me to the library. My children have had library cards since practically they were born. My boys always belonged to the summer reading club, first with my mother, then with the ummer camp, and later with me. They are too cool to go to the library right now. Patrick, I am sure will have to rediscover the place when he enters school in the fall. I hope so anyway.
The Library has a certain smell. (No not of unwashed bodies and the like) The smell of ink, pages and dust. The combination of these things makes a library smell. I love the smell of the books in the stacks. I enjoy the artwork on the book jackets, and love discovering an author for the first time, by design or by chance. To me, the library is a gift. It is the gift htat has no returns....final sale, no exchanges, no chance of giving it back. It is a gift that I can give, and receive at the same time.
It is a fun experience that I can share with my daughter, who has a love of books and reading too. She understands that the library can take you places without a passport. YOu can time travel, you can learn history, you can learn that there are others out there in the world who share your vision. She gets it!
My daughter loves the library as much as I do. She begs to go, albiet at odd times, or extremely busy times.
Saturday, we went to the library. I had two books that I wanted to get, of course they weren't in our library, so they needed to be reserved. I think that is the mark of a good library. The books are being checked out, people are reading them, people are taking them home. They will call when they come in. Which will give me the excuse to go to the library! The children and parents section is being renovated so, the temporary HQ for that department is in the hall of a local small church. We went to the main part of the library first, then we hopped in the car and went to the CAPS section at the church. Cassidy had a tough time wrapping her head around the fact that the room was small, and that they didn't have all of the books on shelves. I think it bothered her to know that this was a reality in some places. But then she just accepted that it is what it is, and this too shall pass. When the Children's and Parents section is finished, it will be a whole new world for her again. She will have to learn the new design and will have to take it all in and enjoy it!
What a beautiful way to spend a morning with my daughter, and guess what? The only thing it costs is time. People spend so much money on books, on book clubs and such. THere is a treasure right in your own town...use it....enjoy it....savor it! DOn't let the electronic age take it all away, it is a part of you, and your community!
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