Wednesday, March 09, 2011

A Time of Reflection.......

On one of the Holiest days of the Catholic religion, I will take time to reflect.
Over the past say, 5 or 6 years, I will say I have been angry at God, angry at the Church, and questioned my beleifs, to the point where my daughter hasn't made her first Communion and my boys haven't been confirmed. I regret not being able to give my children the basic rites of passage in their religion, but and this is a big but......if I can't fully love and embrace what is the Church, then how can I ask them to?
I know that Religion and politics are tabu subjects to place in a public forum, sometimes you get opinions that you don't really want to have or hear. I have never shied away from anyone's opinion, so if it will be, it will be. Basically, I have replaced organized religion with spiritual thoughts, not of GOD, but of how to live a good and moral life.
I doubt that I will go to church today to "get ashes," but will reflect upon what I am missing in the equation of religion and life. Am I a believer? WIll I ever return to the church of my "official" religion? I don't know. I am in a flux state, I am in a place in my life where I need answers to my questions. So maybe we can call the season of lent my journey toward the answers. Small steps are the key to taking the larger ones.....
I am not going to go insane and beleive everything that is presented to me, especially if I feel that it is presented in "Cult Form." I am not running off to a monastery, nor will I be joining a commune at any time soon.
I just want it to feel ok again, to feel that I am not damned to spend eternity in Hell. I am being selfish here, I know, but once in a while a selfish act will answer all of my questions. So maybe over these 40 days, I can find what I am looking for, I can acheive peace in some way, a spiritual peace. I guess that is what this post is about, acheiving peace. Not sure where I will go with the walking of the road toward peace, but it will be a good journey, and one that I hope to come out on the other side feeling like I accomplished something.


nance said...

Keep Each Other’s Spirits UpShareThis
ShareThisPosted by Victoria Osteen on February 28th, 2011 |

You know the kind of people who always seem to lift your spirit when you're around them? They always have an encouraging word; they always fire you up, and you always leave their presence better off than before. It's not that they have it all figured out; it's not that they have all the answers, they just know how to bring out the best in you. They fan the flame inside of you and make you want to rise up higher.

Do you know that to someone else, you are that person? When you wake up every morning, know that you will set the example for someone that day. You will inspire someone; you will impact someone in your life and cause them to rise up higher! Your friends, your family, your coworkers, even the checkout clerk at the grocery store can be inspired by you! Not only that, God needs you to inspire the people around you. He needs you to encourage them and lift their spirits because you are His representative in the earth. You are His example of goodness to the people around you.

Today, know that you are a person of value, importance and significance! You are called to encourage and bless the people in your life. Find a way to lift the spirits of the people around you because you are the hands and feet of Jesus in the earth!

…Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other's spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out (Ephesians 6:18, The Message).

Cahty Guenterberg said...

Praying you find the peace your heart is so in need of. Love, hugs and prayers coming your direction. <3

Peruby said...

Sending best wishes your way for this journey. I am with you on the "just trying to be a good person" mindset.

I have tried to keep an open mind about religion(s).

Ralph said...

Having been there, I know that is hard journey. Lot of people will want to give you a lot of well meaning advice yet it is a journey just between you and God. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Miki said...

Thanks, to all of you. Ralph, you are right, it is a journey between the two of us. I am just hoping that the journey helps me to fins some answers.
Peruby, I have been reading all sorts of stuff, and been open to all sorts of ideas and religious ideals for a while. I am not so sure that "organized" religion is the way to go...but time will tell.
The "good person" route has been my way, whether I follow a religion or not, I just don't know of another way to live.
Nance, Love love love the quote, but then you know that one!
Cathy, thank you for your well wishes and prayers....I will "find" my way in one way or another!

Tony said...

Hi Miki, don't be too hard on yourself. You are not the 1st to go through trials and tribulations. You don't have to be part of any denomination or church to love and worship God. I struggle with a lot of the issues mentioned in your blog. I think as we get older we begin to question things that perhaps in the past we overlooked or taken for granted. Sometimes we get fusturated because of the "unknown" or lack truth. Perhaps we cannot find resolve because we question our beliefs. At times, I feel religion "is like a box of chocolates, you never know what u are going to get out of it (lol)". I think the importance in life is to head toward a direction that will likely draw u nearer to God, the rest may not matter so much...I could be wrong.

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