I watched the stars last night. They gave me comfort. YOu see, I was cooking a steak on the BBQ, and while I checked it, I stood on our deck, looked up at the stars, in a bright, bluish balck night, and saw Orion's belt. If I recognize nothing else in the sky, it is him, I always look for, it is him, I see, and what reminds me of days gone by. Now, don't get me wrong, Orion isn't always in the sky, he goes away in the summer, chased, as legend tells it, by Scorpio, the scorpion, or is it Cancer the crab? My mind goes a little fuzzy there, sorry I digress. I am not really a stargazer, but looking into the night sky on a crisp night takes me back to a more carefree time in my life. A time when I walked on the beach in the winer, at 4am, laughing, and throwing stones. It also makes me know that my life will never be like that again, so self absorbed, so irresponsible, a time when I would buy an outfit to match the shoes that I had just found. That hasn't happened in quite a while! Shoes? I wear sneakers now! It also made me meloncholoy, I missed my Dad a lot last night. I find it hard to think of him, still and it is almost 4 years ago that he passed. I was a little weepy too. I guess that being tired and cold from baseball practice caught up with me, plus the fact that I was hungry, and add to it that we did n't eat until 830pm, too many additions, and you get a weepy wonder.
Lately, I just miss my father a lot. I can't explain it, I just do. Not many people understand this, even my husband, he says that I should have moved on and that I shouldn't dwell on it, that it won't bring him back. I know all of this, but there are times that it just catches up to me, and I weep, cry and sob. I try not to let anyone see it, becasue as kids do, they get upset when mommy is upset, and I can't explain why.
I don't know..........................maybe I need happy meds! Nope, tried them and it didn't help, so off I go again, life is life, no matter what comes along, you have to wade through it to get along. Deal with the bad, enjoy the good, live.
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Hi Miki,
I've been reading your blog from its beginnings since seeing your comment on Rachel's blog. I now realize that today wasn't my first visit. I'm fairly sure Cliff sent his readers to here. (CLiff and I regularly read each others' blogs).
Anyway, I don't have time to comment on each post, but I can read them while I'm designing jewelry at my computer and printing off artwork.
This post resonated so very strongly with me. I read the comfort post a few minutes ago. Just last night, I came home from retrieving my daughter from a birthday party. Before getting into the car, I didn't want to go because the sky was mesemerizing. Mmmmmmmm
When we got home, she wanted to go to bed. I came back out and soaked in the comforting feelings. You said it well. I also lost my father and identify greatly with many conflicting emotions you reveal on your blog. Thank you for comforting this stranger: me.
Now when I look at the sky it has an added dimension.
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