Today is a busy day. Up at ten to six, got the kiddies up, or at least the alarms did, get breakfast in them, get one off to school, and take the other to band. Now, I get to relax for a few minutes, not many, a few. Then do whatever I need to do throughout the day. The kids will come off of their respective busses, and homework will start. By 430 they (the boys) need to go to the dentist, one for a cleaning, one for a check on a tooth. After that, it is dinner with my sister and another sister, a neice, a nephew, his wife, a grandnephew, and my kids. My husband is on his own for dinner tonite, and he has to work his second job tonite. We rarely do things alone, or without each other, but today we will.
I truly believe that people need to be apart to stay together. I couldn't work side by side with him and come home to live with him. It would be disastorous. We need different things from each other, and we need different things from the outside world.
We were getting on each other's nerves last night, and I just went to bed rather than fight, it just wasn't worth it. There are times that I will stay and fight, becasue the point is worth it, but most times I just go to bed, go do laundry and just walk out of the room.
Last night I was tired of being the one at fault. The unspoken fault. Come on you have all been there. The place where blame isn't so directly put upon you, but is so subtly hinted at you that it is so very obvious. My husband does that, he does it well, and it hurts. I have told him that, bu toh well, he just doesn't get it. Then it gets worse. I have even tried to tell him a few days later, just to remove the anger and to be far away from the situation. That starts another fight all over again. He then tells me that I am like members of my family that I am not like and will never be like. Below the belt accusations, to get me away from the subject. So, I tell myself that I need to back away when it starts. I accept that he is frustrated, angry about something, and I happen to be the one in the room at the time. I don't make excuses for the behavior, I just accept that it is a part of him and move on from there.
He has been on a medication for a few months, one of the side effects is mood swings. I saw that last night, a mood swing. I have tried to tell him that he needs to discuss this with the doctor that put him on this medication, and finally he had me make an appointment with the doctor. My father was on the same med for a different reason, and it wasn't easy to live with him either. I don't allow excuses for behavior, but this is definately a factor in his mood.
My husband is normally a very quiet man, a gentle soul, a loving man, but when he is angry, he is angry, and God help anyone in his path. This medication has enhanced the intensity of his anger, and put an edge on it that I haven't seen before. Not that he is dangerous, because if that was the case, I wouldn't be here now. I would have been gone and my kids would have been gone too. That isn't in my world, no way no how. I would n't allow anyone to become physicallly abusive toward me or my children.
That is all for now, just spouting off.