My mom is in a nursing home. This is what I had to do. I made the decision alone, there was no one to support me. The one sister is still in Thailand, the other two didn't bother to call, and the last one is upstate. So it fell to me to make that decision. It was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. I made a promise that she could stay in that house, that it would be where she could spend her final days. So emotionally, I haven't come to grips with the decision. I know in my head that she needs the 24 hour care, that is just wasn't feasible to have people come in, and that there is no room in the inn here. Three kids with a 3 bedroom house? Who and how many would make their bedroom on the couch? I have tried to figure out who to call so that she gets visitors, because as I have said, she does get good times, she remembers who people are, and she is lucid in the afternoon. In the evenings, "sundowning" occurs. She is tired form being awake, and after supper, she just goes to bed. Then if she sleeps at all, she thinks that it is the morning, and wants breakfast. She forgets that it is me talking to her, and such.
It is sad to see the strong and independent woman that my mother had aways been, become this, she startles easily, and forgets more each day. That is the cancer, it is in her brain. I hope that there is a merciful God, and that he takes her quickly. I don't want her last days to be dripping with fright and confusion all of the time. She continually thanks me for taking care of her, and I did, but now I am not, strangers are taking over that duty. THey ae caring strangers, she is in a good place, but they aren't me. I am grappling with the guilt.
Last night, well, evening, I saw in the visitors' register that my oldest sister went to visit my mother for a half an hour. This is one of the ones that didn't call and didn't go to the hospital. I hope she was nice and held my mother's hand. I hope she continues to visit. It isn't about me and my woes with my sisters, it is about my mother and her visits with my mother. I am glad that she took the time to go, for Mom's sake. I really am.
Signing off for now, everyone who still has their mom, no matter what the relationship, cherish the good, forget the bad, they get old and go, you know. Enjoy what you have, it vanishes in the blink of an eye.
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7 comments:
I am sorry to hear about your Mother and I understand how hard the decisions must be for you. Most likely, your siblings are thankful that you are making the decisions and not them.
Guilt is hard. We all have it, especially when it comes to our parents.
I am hoping that you and your loved ones all find peace soon with this tragic ordeal.
Ah Miki, you did what you had to do. Don't do the guilt thing. I did it with my Mom. I know it's hard not to do it, but best for you mentally and stress-wise to not have guilt. You did the best you could for her under the circumstances. You have been a good daughter. Just visit when you can and try to let go of that guilt. She is getting care 24/7 there and that is what she needs.
I'll be thinking of you and praying for all of you.
Miki
Don't do the guilt thing. As hard as may seem the reality is you did what is best for your mom.
Thoughts and prayers.
Ralph
I am sorry to hear about your Mother. I am in a similar situation as my mother has come to live with us, and with 6 boys of my own to deal with, caring forher is increasingly more and more difficult. Know that you made the best decision you could have for both of you!
I came her from Peruby's blog and am so sad to here this very difficult time you are facing. There are no perfect decisions in this time. All you can do is tell her you love her, hold her hand and then spend time with your family and create memories of her with them. Let them know that your mom is an important person in your life and you are tyring to do the best for her and for them.
Hey you I will tell you that from beign there,, YOU CAN NOT DO IT ALL and we do what we NEED to do to live through things. We have our families and we need to put them first. I am sorry that your siblings are beign putz's But I did it with my dad being an only.. it is hard but after hte fact you will be able to sit back and say,,, I DID WHAT NEEDED TO BE DONE BECASUE I LOVED THEM. hang in there
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