FEAR

HOw do I describe the last few days? They are blurry, hazy, and frightening. Ok, let's back track.

My husband had routine bloodwork for his DOT physical and an environmental physical, for his job. The results were off. He was aneamic, and his calcium levels were elevated. After a visit to our doctor, bloodwork repeated, sounds simple, right? NOT! The bloodwork came back the same, so I get this phone call on Friday morning. I have an appointment with the doctor two hours later, for my routine stuff. Tha being said, I speak to the doctor, he is very very concerned, and suggests that we make an appointment with a hematologist. By the time I get t o the doctors office, the staff there has already made my husband's appointment! Now the panic is setting in with me, good GOD! So the appointment, it is for Monday. We have nothing to go on except that we Need to rule out Multiple Myeloma. A cancer that destroys bone marrow.
Don't get me wrong, the internet is a great place for research, gathering information, etc. But don't ever do a search for a medical condition. I was frightened out of my wits all weekend! Too much information is a bad thing, especially when you can't ask your computer to explain it to you further.
The doctor that was recommended to us was very good, his whole staff was exceptional, caring and just nice, not clinical, nice. My husband had blood taken, to be analyzed, urine taken to be analyzed, a CBC done right in the doctor's office, a yes brace yourself, harvesting of bone marrow for tests, right in the office, an exam of somewhere I did n't stay in the room for, more blood, more urine taken, and a thorough exam of the glands, lymph nodes, pancreas, liver, etc. When we left the office, with perscriptions for a CT, and skeletal survey, we still didn't have any definitive answers. The doctor told us that he wanted to rule out or in two major diseases. First, Multiple myeloma, an d second, Lymphoma. When asked what he thought the chances of either were, well he said, "50/50." If it isn't either one of the two, then we go down the path as to why he is aneamic, and has calcium elevation with an endocrinologist. That sounded encouraging. I am still very frightened, how in the world would I manage without him? It sounds corny, but I can't imagine my life without him there, we have been together too long! I am afraid for my children, how would they manage without him? Patrick is at such a delicate age, pre puberty, how would that affect him, emotionally? And Daniel, who is so serious, how serious would this make him? Cassidy, she is only 4, how do I dare explain how much her Daddy loves her?
We decided to not say anything to the kids. We left it as Daddy needs to go get some tests as a part of his regular examination. I don't want them to worry if there is nothing to worry about. When and if the time comes, we will tell them in simple terms, and let them know that we need them too!
Now, I am not sleeping well, and my husband tells me that I need to rest, to sleep at night, and that I shouldn't worry so much. I try not to let it show, bu tsomehow it really does come thru.