Baseball, Memories,Hopes and Dreams

yesterday, my son helped his team win the second half of a baseball doubleheader! I am so excited, I was so excited, he took it in stride. After the game, I went to hug him, and tell him what a great job he did, he looked at me and said,"I know mom, I have to go to see my coach, and the team, over there,"he pointed toward left field. I was amazed that he was so uninterested in the praise, he is a pro, knows what it is like to be a part of a team, it isn't what "I" did, but what "we" did. He is growing up right in fromt of me, he is becomming so big, physically, but every once in a while, he is still my little boy, not as often as he used to be, but every so often.
I remember the devil in his eyes when he was a little guy, wanting to be the "big guy" and that is what my dad called him, the "big guy." I remember his flowing curly hair, flax colored, flowing down his shoulders. With him I won, he didn't get a haircut until he was two. Then the curls were gone forever, once in a while they come calling, when his hair is a little too long, he starts to curl by the base of his neck.
It amazes me at how proud I am of my children, I well up with tears at times thinking about how beautiful they were as babies, and how cute they were as toddlers. I love to tell the "funny" stories, and wish that I could hold them once more, when they were so soft and little.
My oldest is now 12, and he is moving into adolescence, he's not a little boy anymore, I miss that, he was a cuddler, even as an infant. He is difficult now, struggling for independence, but at times yearning for guidance. I look at him and try to remember the innocence on his face, and the laughter in his eyes. It is there, but you have to look for it. He is such a good boy, but he is struggling, with himself and the outside world. The struggle that we all went through, the struggle that we all remember, trying to understand what world, child or adult, that he fits into, trying to find a place that makes him comfortable. I know it will take a few years, but I hope that the innocence is replaced with sensibility. My wish for him is that he knows who he is at an early age, and is happy with that person, it will make all of the difference in the world to him.
that is all for now.............................................................................................................................