I really don't know what to say, so I will just keep writing until I think I am finished. I went out today to the food store. I needed to get out of the house to keep busy. As I told my husband this morning in a phone conversation, I am not having a good day. It has no rhyme or reason. I can't put a finger on why, but it isn't a good day emotionally for me. I am not feeling happy, nor am I feeling good about myself. I woke up this way this morning. Just puttering around the house isn't going to help today. I have been doing laundry, putting things away, pacing, went food shopping, put most of the things away, the perishibles, and am taking the things to the pantry shelves in the basement. Right now, I am taking a break from the usual stuff, but the break isn't good today. I need to move and keep myself moving, the more that I keep busy right now the better. Part of the problem, I think is that I remember part of a dream that I had last night. NOt a whole part but a flash, my mother was in it, she could see, and she was cooking. I don't know why, but it kind of saddened me awake, but the feeling that I had when I was asleep, was contentedness, I don't remember feeling upset, or bothered, I didn't wake up feeling bothered, but as the day began to unfold, I became more and more upset, more and more bothered, and I just couldn't explain why to myself, nor to anyone else. I am just feeling edgy. I am feeling sad. Logically I know that there will be days like this, I also know that there will be days that I am feeling good, they come and they are good, I laugh about stuff that my mom used to do, but I just miss her. Blind, seeing, or the way she was in the end, a little "off." I just miss her. I guess that is the real root of things going on today, I just miss her. Today everything is reminding me that I miss her, even thefood store, it reminded me that she doesn't need me to shop for her anylonger. It reminded me that she wasn't in her house waiting for me to bring her her groceries. That I didn't call her for her grocery needs. I needed to go down the frozen food aisle, mom always had me get the prepared frozen meals so that she could microwave them for herself. That aisle was hard for me, I see a wall of the frozen meals, and I get a wistful smile on my face. Again, I just miss her, no doubt about it, I just do. Ok, I think that I have been redundant enough, that I have been depressing enough. I will end now, all typed out and tired of thinking too much.