Just read a blog by Just a Mom. She is feeling funky, feeling down and what not. I get it, this time of year has made me a little nuts for quite a few years now. I have always been a perfectionist, although not nearly as bad as Clark W. Grizwold in CHRISTMAS VACATION. I wanted what I never had as a kid, the perfect Christmas for my kids. So, I cook dinner and anyone is invited to join us here, I refuse to move on Christmas day. I don't want my kids t have to scream cry or whatever because we are going from house to house to visit every one. I stay planted. I enjoy making dinner, but always get nervous that something won't turn out right. I have been good for the past couple of years, I haven't screamed or cried or yelled at anyone, that used to be the result.
As every Christmas approaches, I get down. I have more so in the past 4 years because I lost my Dad. It just isn't the same without him falling asleep on the couch after dinnner, or without him offering to carve the turkey. I feel that there is something missing. I am not as sad, but wistful. This year, I am sad, but not because of my Dad, because of my husband. The Multiple M yeloma thing, has put a monkey wrentch into my holiday spirit, and no amount o "holiday cheer" could get this out of my system. I worry night and day, about him, about the uncertainty of it all. I pray every day that he "beats" it and gets into a remission, one that lasts forever, but I just don't know. I worry that my kids have to live their lives knowing that their Dad will always have this terrible thing in his body, not knowing when it will flare up or when it will not, or even if the next time it does wil we have the ability to get it in check!
I feel as if I am everyone's caregiver, and I need to be cared for once in a while!
That is all for now, just wanted to let JUST A MOM know that she isn't alone this Christmas season! Go read her blog too: www.seven withoneextra.blogspot.com
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3 comments:
Ya know what MIKI,, Ya gotta go out andfnd a freind to just be with. Val and I made it out today I feel so much better. Thank you so much for stopping by and givien me another look inside someone elses heart. I will be going back and catching up on you. Hang in there, Your in my prayers.
It's very hard being a caregiver. I am a caregiver for my husband who has had 2 strokes. I go to a caregiver's support group once a month. It's so easy to get down, but they keep telling me how important it is to take care of yourself as well. You are in my prayers.
You're in my thoughts and prayers, Miki. Hoping the cloud lifts and you enjoy each other's company this holiday.
Cathy
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