Thoughts of a Rambling Miki

Dinner

2012-02-01T08:07:00.002-05:00

Lately, I have been in a dinner rut. Not sure what to prepare, and not planning. Flying by the seat of my pants, so to speak. I have veggies in the freezer, potatoes, rice and pasta in the house, but the protein, the main part of the meal, well, that is another story. I am never sure, beyond, Cassidy, Scott and myself, who will be at the table, nightly. There are times when Patrick is working, so we are 4. Then there are times when Daniel goes to his girlfriend's, so that makes us 3. For example, last night, we had the five of us, and Daniel's girlfriend. So we were 6, for those of you keeping up with the math! I had no plan going into dinner, so I ran to the butcher, bought their marinated chicken cutlets...they are yummy, cook fast on the grill, and we had a quick dinner. Tonite, I am stumped. I sit here thinking, what will go over well, what is fast, what can we do to make it interesting? TOnite at our house is literally insane. (Daniel has baseball for the school, at 630, drop off at 615. Cassidy has All District Orchestra, drop off at 630, and a Varsity football meet and greet the new coach at 7pm) So, what is a mommy to do? No fast food here, we just don't do that, I can't do that. I really am not a fast food person, once in a while I take Cassidy to lunch at Wendy's, that is a treat. Our fastest food is to go to the local Pizza parlor and have a couple of slices. I enjoy that, it is the place where Patrick works, and a family owned place, we are comfortable there, and the food is good. They have a variety of different types of pizza, even a Greek Salad slice! But I try not to make it a habit to go there, Pizza is not meant to be a steady diet.
So any way, back to my original dilema, what to do about dinner! I was good on MOnday, I made spaghetti sauce in the crock pot....dinner was ready in the time it took for the spaghetti to boil!
I love to cook, I just hate to plan! I plan everything else that goes on, I coordinate drop offs and pickups, I run everyone around, etc. SO planning dinner is a major chore to me, but somehow, I pull it out! Ah, well, will get planning, or at least thinking about it...No worries, everyone will be fed!

2012-01-27T08:08:00.002-05:00

Hello out there in Blogland! Sorry that I have been a disapointing writer for many a month! I just haven't had anything to write about lately, or more to the point, I haven't felt that my life has been at all interesting enough to write about.
My observations of the world around me just haven't been too keen.
Things here, on the homefront have been a status quo.
Life has been moving at a pace that doesn't allow me to breathe! (Not really, but I think most of you know what I mean)
The boys are the boys, and my daughter is my daughter.
The oldest is a college freshman, at the local community college, and seems to be enjoying it, as well as doing well in classes.
My middle one is a junior in high school, and is doing well.
My youngest is a 5th grader, breezing along and areal girl!
y husband is doing well, healthwise, and I am dong well too.
So there ya have it, in a crazy nutshell.
I am going to try to post more often, spouting my little opinions and such. I will try that is the best that I can promise! I miss my blogger friends!

Random Rambling

2011-06-13T06:47:00.003-04:00

Today is the last Monday of High School for my oldest. He will be graduating a week from this comming Friday. I have mixed emotions about this. I am thrilled for him, but sad at the same time. I am excited, and yet, very anxious and nervous for him. I loose sleep at times because I just am not sure we prepared him to enter the "real" world. But anyhow, above is his Senior Portrait. Hope to post again soon!

2011-04-02T06:27:00.003-04:00

Here on Long Island, it is getting tougher to feel good about what is going on around us. Almost all of the school district are threatening layoffs, citing loss of school aid from the state. Many of the school districts can cut their budgets by laying off administrators to the tune of 100 thousand dollars per administrator, or more. I wonder what will happen to my two children who will still be in public school. My oldest will be graduating this June, so he will not be a part of these cuts. My middle child is going to be a junior next year, and I fear for his last tow years in high school. Will the classes be huge, will the sports programs run, will there be any programs for these kids. My daughter is in elementary school, she is actively involved in several "clubs" in her school. They are wonderful programs that are held before or after school and the kids benefit greatly from them. Chorus, Show Choir, Recorder Ensemble, French Club, Homework Club, and Intramurals. These will open up worlds to her that I am not financially able to open to her. I cannot afford voice lessons, nor enroll her in a foreign language program at 9 years old. She does play softball for a local league, and basketball in the winter. But beyond those, it isn't feasable to pursue her interests outside of school. Our school taxes consist of more than half of our property tax bill, mor like 65% and they keep rising, with state cuts adding to the tax burden. It seems as though our region carries the state tax burden for schools, and we are relatively small in comparrison to the rest of our state. I know there is nothing that any of my blog readers can do about this little rant, but I just needed to get it off of my chest. It was necessary for me, I am tired of being overtaxed and told that I will be burdened with more taxes for education. SO, now I will get off of my soapbox.

Outlook

2011-03-19T07:08:00.002-04:00

Today, as I start my day, I am trying to put a positive spin on everything. Somedays it is hard to do that, but I make the choice to be positive. Personally, I beleive that being happy and being positive is a choice. You can decide as your feet hit the ground every morning. You can tell yourself, to see the goodness around you, or you can find fault with things. I am not saying to put on a false smile and forget responsibility or your worries. What I am saying is that you and you alone can look inward, and outward, and just be happy that you are here. The alternative stinks.
I have moments of sadness, and moments when I ask why I have been dealt the cards that I have. I am not always "Mrs. Mary Sunshine."
In this writing, I am trying to convey the overall attitude that I have tried to develop over the years.
One of my freinds had a great quote, and I apologize for not remembering who it was originally from, but my friend, Nance commented, "Happiness is a habit....." That hit home for me. I realize that we can't always be the happiest people in the world, but if we make it a habit, we can continue it for the most part. It is like taking a familiar route to the grocery store, or to work, or to a freind's home. We make it a habit.
A few years ago, as many of you know, I was a mess. I was deep in the pits of sadness, questioning why and so much more. Then something happened. I woke up one morning and said, all the the "stuff" that makes me unhappy isn't important. I looked around me, I was thankful for the fact that my husband was with me, that my children were well adjusted and loving human beings, and I decided that this was important, that this is what happiness is made of, the people around you that you love, the simple things.
After having a brush with serious illness, and living with the knowledge that it could all be over tomorrow, the reality wakes you up. End of story. As a family we could have wallowed in self pity, railled against the fates and been the angriest people in the world. Yet, somehow, even though the anger was and is still there, I looked beyond it, I realized that we still had each other at those moments. I realized that no matter what, our very lives depended upon our attitudes. I am not saying that we just pasted the smiles on and pretended. We made life "normal" for our children, we carried on. We woke up each morning, we got them ready for school, sent them to school, helped with homework when necessary, ate dinner together, did activities with them, and continued that every day. When Scott was in the hospital, the kids spoke to him via telephone every day, the boys were old enough to visit, and we took the train in to the city to see him, once a day. It was important for the kids to be able to continue their routines. It was important to break the routine and take them to see their father.
With routine, we move through life normally. With routine, we develop habits. Make outlook a part of the routine. Wake up in the morning with the attitude that you will find some good in the day.
Start small, think big. Dream of things for you, your husband, or your children. Laugh at something silly, even if it doesn't seem appropriate. Smile when you hear a baby laugh. When bad things happen, see the good on the other side. If you get a huge bill in the mail, look at it and see how to make it smaller. Ask yourself how to make it better, you will be able to, one step at a time.
I beleive the key to happiness is taking small steps, eventually the small steps add up to one big step.
Do I have the same dreams I had 20 years ago? No. Did I realize all of those dreams? No. Do I enjoy SOMETHING every day? Yes. Do I know that sometimes everything you wish for cannot be? Yes. Does that make me unhappy? No. Are there days when I regret not realizing all of my dreams? Of course, but the key is not to wallow in that feeling. Reality is that not everything can be handed to you or worked for. Reality is that we are ever evolving beings, times change, economy changes, circumstances change, health changes. Dreams don't always come true, that is for Fairy Tales.....and we can't live in a Fairy Tale, then we would be shattered people all of the time.
SO find your happy moment, look at your day and see that it is good to have sunshine, it is good to see a child smile, it is good to say hello to your friends. If you can find a little thing that makes you happy, you have won!

A Time of Reflection.......

2011-03-09T07:38:00.003-05:00

On one of the Holiest days of the Catholic religion, I will take time to reflect.
Over the past say, 5 or 6 years, I will say I have been angry at God, angry at the Church, and questioned my beleifs, to the point where my daughter hasn't made her first Communion and my boys haven't been confirmed. I regret not being able to give my children the basic rites of passage in their religion, but and this is a big but......if I can't fully love and embrace what is the Church, then how can I ask them to?
I know that Religion and politics are tabu subjects to place in a public forum, sometimes you get opinions that you don't really want to have or hear. I have never shied away from anyone's opinion, so if it will be, it will be. Basically, I have replaced organized religion with spiritual thoughts, not of GOD, but of how to live a good and moral life.
I doubt that I will go to church today to "get ashes," but will reflect upon what I am missing in the equation of religion and life. Am I a believer? WIll I ever return to the church of my "official" religion? I don't know. I am in a flux state, I am in a place in my life where I need answers to my questions. So maybe we can call the season of lent my journey toward the answers. Small steps are the key to taking the larger ones.....
I am not going to go insane and beleive everything that is presented to me, especially if I feel that it is presented in "Cult Form." I am not running off to a monastery, nor will I be joining a commune at any time soon.
I just want it to feel ok again, to feel that I am not damned to spend eternity in Hell. I am being selfish here, I know, but once in a while a selfish act will answer all of my questions. So maybe over these 40 days, I can find what I am looking for, I can acheive peace in some way, a spiritual peace. I guess that is what this post is about, acheiving peace. Not sure where I will go with the walking of the road toward peace, but it will be a good journey, and one that I hope to come out on the other side feeling like I accomplished something.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2011-02-14T08:49:00.002-05:00

Today is Valentine's Day. No big deal, unless you are a card company, a florist, or a candy store. Throw in a few stuffed animals and you have a money maker.
It isn't that I am opposed to a day to set aside for Love, but isn't that what anniversaries are for? A just the 2 of us moment? I think that there should be 5 minutes every day that a person, no matter what the time, no matter how many kids, pets , jobs or such, are running around in a busy life, just 5 minutes where people can and should connect with their significant other. If one partner is away, or not home for a reason, there are phones. make the effort, and the demonstrative effort won't have to be made on Valentine's Day.
I asked my husband not to spend money for flowers or chocolates....I just want to spend time with him, not in a resturaunt. I want to eat dinner at our dinner table, and do the ordinary things.
I am grateful for the ordinary things. I am grateful for the mundane. I am grateful that he is at the dinner table and can eat with our children. I am thankful that he is going to see our oldest son march to "Pomp amd Circumstance" in June! I am grateful and ever so thankful that he will be able to laugh at our daughter's silly jokes, and watch the joy in the eyes of our other son when he competes in baseball.
My joy this Valentine's Day is in knowing that we have survived together, gone thru the ringer so to speak, and come out whole, intact. I know that we can weather any storm. We have already.
So to repeat, mundane, family dinner, running the kids to their activities, comming home and watching Tv...those things I cherish. Looking across the table, or the couch, seeing my husband there, knowing that things could have been so different, knowing that he continues to just be, is perfect. I never need another expensive gift, nor will I ever ask for anything but having my husband and children in my life.

Library

2011-02-12T12:09:00.005-05:00

I know that there are a ton of new electronic gagets out there to own that are reading aids. They kind of replace books, don't they?

It is a scary thing when books are being replaced by the internet. What will happen to our libraries if we can instantly have "books" in front of us?

Personally, if you haven't been able to figure it out, I am more than a little opposed to these gagets.

I love my local library, wandering for hours in the stacks, feeling the book in my hands, being able to turn the pages. The library has a certain look, no matter if it is a school library, a university library, or a public library. The peace and the serenity, I believe, is what has always drawn me to the library. My children have had library cards since practically they were born. My boys always belonged to the summer reading club, first with my mother, then with the ummer camp, and later with me. They are too cool to go to the library right now. Patrick, I am sure will have to rediscover the place when he enters school in the fall. I hope so anyway.

The Library has a certain smell. (No not of unwashed bodies and the like) The smell of ink, pages and dust. The combination of these things makes a library smell. I love the smell of the books in the stacks. I enjoy the artwork on the book jackets, and love discovering an author for the first time, by design or by chance. To me, the library is a gift. It is the gift htat has no returns....final sale, no exchanges, no chance of giving it back. It is a gift that I can give, and receive at the same time.

It is a fun experience that I can share with my daughter, who has a love of books and reading too. She understands that the library can take you places without a passport. YOu can time travel, you can learn history, you can learn that there are others out there in the world who share your vision. She gets it!

My daughter loves the library as much as I do. She begs to go, albiet at odd times, or extremely busy times.

Saturday, we went to the library. I had two books that I wanted to get, of course they weren't in our library, so they needed to be reserved. I think that is the mark of a good library. The books are being checked out, people are reading them, people are taking them home. They will call when they come in. Which will give me the excuse to go to the library! The children and parents section is being renovated so, the temporary HQ for that department is in the hall of a local small church. We went to the main part of the library first, then we hopped in the car and went to the CAPS section at the church. Cassidy had a tough time wrapping her head around the fact that the room was small, and that they didn't have all of the books on shelves. I think it bothered her to know that this was a reality in some places. But then she just accepted that it is what it is, and this too shall pass. When the Children's and Parents section is finished, it will be a whole new world for her again. She will have to learn the new design and will have to take it all in and enjoy it!

What a beautiful way to spend a morning with my daughter, and guess what? The only thing it costs is time. People spend so much money on books, on book clubs and such. THere is a treasure right in your own town...use it....enjoy it....savor it! DOn't let the electronic age take it all away, it is a part of you, and your community!

Life as I know it

2011-02-10T09:49:00.002-05:00

A freind wrote on Facebook today. He said that we need to not forget that our parents were people before they met us. That they had lives before we came along. I have been feeling that too lately. That, as a parent, I have put my children and their needs and their hopes and dreams first. Seriously though, a little selfish part of me sometimes eeks out and a tiny voice says:" What about me?" There are times that I feel bad about that little voice, that it doesn't belong in the world that I have carved out with my husband and my family. Most times it doesn't eek out, most times, I don't do anything for just me, aside from an occasional book from the library, or a lazy day. When I do those little things, I feel good, they don't cost a lot, they take a little time for me, and I get a little reward for me. I am not one of those people who need to run out and spend a ton of money on clothing that I won't wear all of the time. I don't need an expensive pocketbook, or tons of electronic devices. I just need to pay the bills and enjoy the little things.
And yet, that little voice says its piece every so often. I sometimes remember that once in my life, I was only concerned with myself. That seems like more than a hundred years ago. I am fine with it all, knowing that I gave up being selfish and traded it for being selfless. Not a bad trade off. I find things that I do rewarding and enjoy the small rewards. SO, do I regret that I don't have more stuff? NOPE. Do I want more stuff? NOPE. My hopes rest with my children. I want them to realize their dreams, no matter what they are. No matter how big, or how small. They are my proudest accomplishment, they are most important in my world right now. WHen they go out on their won, they will be less in the forefront of my world, and perhaps I can be a little more selfish. That is what will and should happen.
But still, the children and the life that I have with my husband will be my proudest accomplishments.

Life and Looking back

2011-02-09T13:02:00.003-05:00

Why is it that when we look back at our lives we think that things were easier. At the time, I can almost bet my bottom dollar that it wasn't easy for us. We think that life was so simple when we were in high school. Maybe we think back to a time when we were working at our first job, was that easier? Hindsight, the powers that be, say, is 20/20. I beleive that is true.

When I look back at high school, it was easier. No responsibility, except homework. My biggest responsibility was that I had to cook dinner for my parents and myself once a week. The cooking and the prepping was the responsibility. The planning, the shopping, the defrosting, the recipie, that was all on my mother's shoulders. While she was at work, I had to come home at around 2pm, and finish my homework. I had to vaccuum, do any dishes that were in the sink, and once a week get dinner in the oven. POOF! Then my time was my own.
I went to a friend's, I went to the library, I journaled. That is all. I watched TV. My friends would have us all over on a Friday or a Saturday. We would "play records" or cassette tapes. We would eat chips and pretzyls, we would hang out and talk, dance and sing, act foolish drink soda and laugh some more.
The stress came in to being accepted by those who were doing the inviting. When we were going thru it, it seemed so important to have friends, boyfriends or girlfriends, to have places to go, to know people when you walked in the door of these places(bowling alley, roller rink, movies etc)
Yes, it was simple, yes, there was no responsibility but really, can you remember that pressure to be accepted, to be liked? Can you remember how it felt that you were left out of the prom? or worse, the lunch table? I would love to live it all over again, knowing that it isn't all that important to know you have a date to the prom, or that you were accepted by the right crowd.
My friends and I weren't the most popular people in the world, but we were popular to each other. We enjoyed everyone in our group, and I can say that they are still the most important people, outside of my family, in my life.
I know that at a drop of the hat, one or all of them will be here to keep me sane. I have lived it, and I know it. Even if they can't be here in person, just that phone call or text is all that is needed to know that they are still "there!"
Yes, the pressures of being an adult is more stressful, but my point is that in any situation we face, that moment is the most stressful moment that we will ever know. When it is gone, it is gone, over and done. The next situation becomes the "it" moment, and so on and so on.
SO to say that life was simple and that there was no stress, is a falicy. Remember that at that moment, at the very second that the situation needed to be faced, it was rough, it was tough, it was stressful, but somehow, some way, the "other side" was reached. And onward and upward we moved.

Anohter Day, Another Storm?

2011-02-05T08:01:00.002-05:00

Today is another gloomy day weather wise, here on Long Island. A little bit of a busy day, the oldest one has work for a few hours, then he and his girlfriend are going to a graduation party for someone that graduated mid year from their high school. My middle one has a wrestling tournament, which he is wrestling in, it is the leagues....so it will be crowded and busy. I have to work the consession stand at 3:30 thru 7:30. My daughter, she has nothing, so far, planned. My husband and I will go to the tourney for a little while, to at least see our son wrestle...or we would hope to see him wrestle....my husband gets bored at these things....so maybe I will take my own car.
We were supposed to get more snow and ice over night, but we didn't. It is gloomy though, and now on the south shore we are supposed to get rain. I hope that it is a good soaking rain...one that causes puddles, and water to run down the street, looking like a stream. Thne some of the snowpiles will get smaller. So, on Tuesday and maybe Thursday, more winter weather. It really never seems to end. I am just hoping to have more of this weather miss us again! I need a break. I guess you could say it is the winter doldrums...the blues, cabin fever. I don't know quite how to describe it. It is affecting my husband too. He is quiet, and gets annoyed very easily. That is usually a sign that something is bothering him. He says it is the weather.
Here's hoping that in your neck of the woods, things are better! I hear that in Cliff's neck of the woods, there isn't nearly as much snow.....I know we have more than some parts of Alaska.

SNOW

2011-01-29T07:18:00.002-05:00

This has been the winter of the SNOW. It started 2 days after Christmas, and continued, with more snow storms every week since. We have had 6 snow storms! December 27th was a BLIZZARD....ok, but what were the storms following? They didn't have the sustained winds to be called BLIZZARDS. If I look out of my window right now, the snow is almost up to the top of the 4 foot stockade on the side yard! It is at least half-way up the back fence, and our driveway looks almost like a canyon. Many parking lots have piles so high that they don't have anywhere to put any more. We had a "dusting" last night...about an inch maybe two. I have had enough! Now they are prediciting more for TUESDAY, int WEDNESDAY. We here on Long Island have more snow than parts of Alaska! Yesterday it was colder here than in Montanna! Where is this Global warming that we have been hearing of? I just want to know.
Sorry, folks, I am complaining. I am moaning and I am groaning! This is starting to affect my mood. More than I ever realized that it could!
Well, that is my rant for now.....sorry to do it folks, sorry to have you hear my baloney.....just wanted you all to know what is going on around here! Enjoy your weekend!

Some Pictures

2011-01-25T16:18:00.003-05:00

Taken on Senior Night: Patchogue Medford HS 9/10

Taken at Wildwood State Park October 2010

Taken at the Curb Market in Hendersonville NC 11/10

Life Moves, Life changes

2011-01-24T07:43:00.004-05:00

Hello out there in Blog land!
Not sure if many of you still follow my blog, as I haven't been writing in a long long time. Things here are moving along, as life always does. My oldest will graduate from HS in June, and it is a sad and happy time for both of us. Mommie keeps looking at him and wondering where the years have escaped to, and why they went so fast. I am so overwhelmingly proud of him, that he will be accomplishing this major milestone, but so overwhelmingly sad that he won't be my little boy anylonger. He is starting to feel it too. He knows that the security of being in high school will be behind him, but the promise of all that life has to offer will be in front of him.
But that is something he must figure out for himself. He has to grow and be. He will learn responsiblity and how to function as a "real" person. He will balance school and work, home and school, and be an independent studier on his own. (He is attending the local Community College in the fall) He will get a taste of college life, and still have the security of home. He will forge new relationships and relate to people who don't share the same community.
SO, yes, it is bittersweet, he will say good bye to some friends, and make new ones, he will leave behind things that he loved, but he will also discover new things to love, and I hope with an open mind!
More to come on this subject, I am just feeling just a little blue about my "baby" growing up!

More Musings on my Hometown...

2010-01-29T14:04:00.000-05:00

It is true. I am a Patchogian. Something about this town, this place has kept me here. It is home. I have pride in the history of this place. I was born right here and lived most of my life here. I used to think it was a Long Island thing, but now, with the wisdom that comes with years of experience, I know it is a Patchogue thing.
I enjoy the fact that I talk to my kids about growing up here. I love the fact that I grew up in a neighborhood. I think it is wonderful that I am still friends, with the girl that I have known since I was born. We grew up across the street from one another and still live no more than a mile away from each other. It is a great thing that we are on the "Emergency Contact" lists for our children's schools.
I miss Sweezy's, for housewares, baby gifts, for the creak of the floors in the building on the Four Corners. Heck, I miss the Four Corners. (That is another story though) I used to love Sunday "window shopping" with my friends...... way back when, stores weren't open on Sundays.
I miss the old Finast Supermarket on the corner of Phyllis Drive and East Main Street, the Plaza Theater, with its Art deco lobby, chrome, brass, and marble floors, etched glass and all. I hate to see it in the ruined state it stands in now.
I couldn't tell you how many movies we saw there as kids and teens.
I try to show my kids the landmarks. The old library, it's move from Lake Street to Main Street, occupying the old Grant's Store, Reese's Pub, THe Brickhouse Brewery, telling them the origins of the buildings. I walk the L Dock, oh, excuse me, "The Mascot Dock," in winter and spring. I love Shorefront Park. St Joseph's College, the old Seton Hall, I try to have the kids picture it as it was. I talk about the Lace Mill, in its heyday and in its state of ruin, before Sweezy's built the new building. I still call Rt 112, Medford Avenue. I call Main Street, "The VIllage." I explain that if we wanted to go ice skating, we went to "the cove" at Lakewood Street. If we went to the CIty, (Manhattan) we took the train from Patchogue Station, changed at Jamaica, (not Babylon, as it is now) and then on to fun and adventure. The Junior High(oops, Middle School) that they attended (Saxton) was the High School. My sisters graduated from there, my brother in law played football there.........that their Grandmother (my husband's Mom) graduated from there too. I show them the places where the Sunrise Highway used to have traffic lights, not service roads. I tell them the stories that a "day trip" to Patchogue, from points East, was a big deal. It meant that you were going for supplies and school clothes that couldn't be made at home. Patchogue was THE place to get anything that you needed, wanted or could imagine.
I want them to know what was in the town where they grew up. I want to instill pride in them for where they lived their childhood. No matter where they wind up, no matter what road takes them near or far from this place, I want them to know it was a great place, a good place, an historic place, that it was home.
I want them to feel that they come from a place that is not blackened by blight and empty stores. The reputation of our town has suffered in recent years and that saddens me, it frightens me that as a community we have a cloud hanging over our heads, that my children may be looked at in dispairaging ways because of where they come from. They come from a place with good history too They should be grounded in this place and know that it was a good place to call "HOME."

Weather and Stuff

2010-01-06T08:58:00.003-05:00

The deep freeze is upon us here on Long Island. It is early this year. It is bad this year. I am hoping that this will be it this year. I don't know what happened, I am usually the one that is able to be extra warm in a tee shirt and shorts. I was always able to be comfy cozy in a tee shirt and jeans in sub zero weather. I would wear my coat in the great outdoors. I would wear a sweatshirt underneath the coat when necessary. As soon as I would colose the door on the front of the house, I would peel the layers off and be comfortable. This winter, I am so uncomfortable that I am walking around in a sweatshirt witht he hear up to 70 in the house, and still shivering. I feel as if I am an old lady saying, "It is soo cold, somebody get a blanket!" Maybe the weather change was just too drastic, maybe we went from comfortable to frozen in a split second, and my body didn't get that time to adjust to the droping temps. I don't know. Strange, but true! I still need to "Undecorate" the outside of the house.....I just don't want to face the prospect of being outdoors for too long! I keep looking out of the front window and seeing the Christmas tree on the porch. (Not the one that Santa leaves presents under, but the one that I deco for fun!) I know it is only steps from the front door, that I can do it for a while and run indoors to get warm, then crack the whip and do it all over again. I spent the last two days pulling down decos inside, and replacing them with my regular stuff. The house looks strangely empty. I think it is time to buy some picture hooks and hang some pictures, quickly!

The folks that I sympathize with are those living in Florida. They are never used to freezing temps. Some of them are warming up cars before going to work in the morning! Florida, where folks go to "winter!"
Sorry if I don't write anything for a few days, my fingers may freeze to the keys, or my feet may freeze to the ceramic tile in the kitchen and I will be stuck there!

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T16:04:00.004-05:00

Wishing all a Happy New Year! May this aproaching new year be all that you hope, all that you dream, and all that you want it to be! Hopefully you won't or don't have any regrets about the passing year, it isn't worth it, let it go at the last stroke of midnight. Lie each new day to the fullest! Enjoy! For those of you going out on the town tonite, please be careful. Be Safe! Love to you all!

Christmas at Our House.............

2009-12-26T21:10:00.003-05:00

The BIG Snow 12/20/09

2009-12-20T16:32:00.005-05:00

Well, we had more than our fair share of snow last night. We got over two, yes, two, feet! I SAID TWO FEET! The kids were excited, especially the 8 year old! Scott went ot his job to start the clearing process. I thought my friends across this great land would love to see it all ! SO enjoy the pictures, imagine that we are hitting the freezing mark and below, think warm!

Baking

2009-12-13T22:19:00.002-05:00

It is that time of year again! I am baking! The kids are excited, I am enjoying it, and have been at it for three days! I made two batches of cookies on Friday, three on Saturday, and two today, SUnday. THrow into the mx that Patrick had to work this morning, Daniel had an away wrestling tourney, and had to be at the school at 6, yes I said 6 am on Saturday, after not getting back there until 11pm on Friday night! Cassidy and I decorated our Gingerbread house on Saturday, and I ran to the grocery store on Saturday to get more suplies for the cookies! I have 4 more batches of cookies to bake, I am making a couple of new ones this year, and am saving them for last, just in case they tank! I will be making my mother's apple walnut cake for Christmas day, which is time consuming, to say the least, but a joy to bake as it evokes memories of Christmases past! The photos that appear above were taken 12/12/09. They are with Cassidy and the Gingerbread house, and of her baking her special applesauce cookies.

2009-12-07T08:05:00.002-05:00

These were taken on our trip to the Shamrock Christmas Tree Farm. (Thanksgiving Weekend) It is located in Mattituck Long Island, NY. (about a 40 minute ride from our house) We had a great time, and Cassidy wants to go again next year! The only thing we missed was Santa, which I am a little sad about, but it couldn't be helped. We had a Christening to go to in the afternoon, so we went to get a tree in the morning! Danny wasn't with us, he spent the night before at a friend's house. We wound up buying a pre cut tree, it was the type of tree that we likes, the ones in the field were a little too FUZZY for us, they looked more like bushes than Christmas trees. SO we have our tree, and are awaiting the time to bring it inside, we don't want it to dry out too quickly! It is in water in the back yard! That is a fun project for me, rigging the lights, and decorating the tree. Everyone always volunteers to help, but then as the process befings they all run away! ( Scott enlists the boys' help to actually put the tree up, in the stand.)

I will post pics when we are finished decoing the house!

This one is for you CLiff!

2009-11-28T21:21:00.003-05:00

These were a few of the Tractors that were in the Christmas Parade in my hometown of Patchogue, LI, New York. I thought that Cliff would appreciate them! Especially the one at the top of the page!

2009-11-24T07:57:00.002-05:00

The bottom photo is our Xmas card this year! We took the photos over the weekend. The boys are less than thrilled to have (yes HAVE) to do this, but we did it last year, and are doing it again this year! We don't go to studios to have a family portrait done, so I set up the camera on the front lawn and set the timer. I run like the wind(Oh, yeah, a slow lazy breeze) and pop into the picture! They make fun of me running across the lawn, and we all hope that the neighbors don't see!

Happy Thanksgiving to all! I hope that you spend it with those you love! Friends or family, doesn't matter, enjoy!

Emotions, Taking Me Over....................

2009-11-16T14:03:00.000-05:00

Today I read a column in my local paper. Something popped out at me from the column, just stood there frozen, and really made me think. The column was written by a man that wrote a column for this paper for a number of years. He moved recently, and the paper lost that column. Our community lost an observer, a tale teller, a man who collected wisdoms. I used to read his column every week. Now he and I are "friends" on Facebook. Recently, he lost his Dad, and is now going thru some medical problems with his mother. He wrote about losing his Father, and not being able to grieve because of his cirumstances with his mother. It touched me. It froze me in time. It threw me backwards, to when my Dad passed away. I was pregnant with my last child; I was eight months pregnant to be exact. I didn't have time to grieve, I held it back. I had to prepare for the comming baby....I had little boys to care for, I had to go to work. There are times, eight years later, that I am triggered to tears by an event, a scent, a memory, a taste, a song......I still grieve for both my parents. I still ache that they are gone.
Recently, as recently as the past five days, I have been ill with a bug. SO ill that I don't ever remember being this way ever. The first few days, I found myself crying, hysterically, wanting my mother to take care of me, to make me chicken soup, to put a cool cloth on my forehead, to just sit with me. But, all the while, knowing, she wasn't able to, she isn't here. Which made me cry even harder.
I guess that is greif, it sneaks up on you, when you least expect it, when you need it not to, when you can't really handle it, when your kids are watching. I think that bothers me the most, that my kids see me in hysterics, that I am scared and vulnerable. I am supposed to help them, to protect them, to soothe them when they aren't well, and I can't even do that for myself. I guess my illness has made me feel open, raw, and too emotional for my own good! Too much time to think, too much time........
But that is that, I am getting well again, I am controling my emotions, in public, anyway. Just a tidbit form me to you, and a way to let you guys out there know that there are triggers waiting for you, to let you feel and heal.

Cooking

2009-11-15T11:46:00.000-05:00

Cooking.......the word itself, is simple, however it brings fear and hopelessness to some folks. How is it that the task that brings the most love to our homes is the most hated and difficult task for some people? I never found it hard. I was told what to do and I did it. I didn't take courses, I didn't have to go to an adult ed offering to learn how to boil a pot of pasta. I knew what chopped meat looked like, and the difference between a breast and a thigh in the poultry section. My first turkey, yes, I wil admit, I needed a little guidance, it was big, and a little overwhelming. Somehow, someway, I conquered it....no ovens on fire, no blowups(foodwise) no tears, no complaints. I have had some experimental dishes go awry, and those we don't even try again. I have had great success with a few dishes, and even then, I have made mistakes.
I don't understand the mentality of some moms that feel that cooking wastes time with their children. I spend time cooking in the kitchen while my children are sitting at the table doing their homework. We talk about things that they need to talk about, that I have questions about and anything in between. When dinner is prepared, we set the table, everyone has a job, one sets up the plates, one has the napkins, and one puts out the condiments, or "extras" that we need. We all sit together and continue talking about our day. Then clean up is again a collective effort. Time wasted? I think not.
Through cooking, we have created responsibiltiy, conversation, a sense of loving home. Many of my best memories are surrounded by dinners and cooking them. It is important to have those memories. I try not to chase the kids from the kitchen, sometimes it is inevitable, especially when the hungry teenagers are hanging around willing the dishes to be done.
I think that it is important to sit at the Table or gathered somewhere as a family to have a meal, at least one meal together. Did you hear me? TOGETHER! Not this one grabs a plate, that one grabs a plate, and they rush off with it full of food to their "corners." My children genuinely love one another. They don't fight often, and when they do they resolve it. No real rivalry surfaces. They accept one another and give each other space. THey share some interests, and differ on others.
We stress the importance of getting to know one another, to accepting that we are different, but always to be there for each other. THe boys, while they appear different, are very close. My oldest says that people can't believe how colse they are.........that when he first said it, made me feel very proud. I never wanted them to feel that they were pitted against each other, that they were vying for my or my husband's attention. I didn't want anyone to feel that there was a favorite among them. They are all my favorite, and for different reasons. They are a piece of me, and have pieces of me, pieces of my husband and pieces of each of our families.
SO, Cooking? I say cook. Even if you feel that you are not good at it.....make burgers on the grill. Make spaghetti and a jar of sauce, make a salad with everything! Simple finger foods for the SUnday football game,Boxed mac and cheese, a salad and hot dogs......kid food, and everyone can help Your kids will remember the time, not always the food. It isn't what is on the table, it is who surrounds the table that counts. If you are that concerned about your skills, go ahead, take those adult ed courses, but COOK. It will change your family life, it will enrich it. Trust me.

Today's Memory

2009-11-08T17:56:00.003-05:00

Sitting here. Thinking. Inhaling the intoxicating aroma of a roast beef in the oven. Loving the warmth that I am feeling as a result. What is it about our sense of smell that allows us to be comforted. I love the smell of roast beef, a chicken roasting, pork loin. It reminds me of "Sunday Dinner." Remember "Sunday Dinner?" Family, extended family a friend here or there, gathered around the table in the middle of the afternoon, an abundance of conversation, an abundance of old stories, new news, just stuff. Food platters and bowls being passed, refilled and passed again. It didn't matter if it was dinner for 3 or dinner for 30, it was comforting to be in the kitchen, surrounded by the heat of the oven and the warmth of the love that went into the preparation of the dinner. My Dad would mash the potatoes and carve the roast, my Mom did all of the preparation. She used to make a sauce for the cauliflower that she called "Hollandaise" sauce. It wasn't the Hollandaise that we know from the TOP CHEF tv show, but it was a white sauce finished with paprika on top. Cauliflower steamed whole, (or done in pressure cooker as my mother did) put into a serving bowl whole, sauce poured over the top and sprinkled with paprika. I watched her make that sauce a million times, but can't duplicate it, I have tried a couple of times but it doesn't taste the same.....weird what we remember, huh?
I know people who can't make a simple gravy, they open a jar or a can. UGH! Gravy is one of the most simple sauces to make. I can make a gravy on the fly when I need to, and ot thicken it, no problem! Personally, I will eat meat dry if the gravy isn't home made! And Mashed potatoes, don't open the box, that is scary! I like mine with butter and milk, no fuss no muss, just blend them in with the mixer. (Dad used to do it by hand with an old fashioned potato masher, he hated it when someone used a mixer!) I do the mixer, hubby doesn't like too many lumps in his potatoes.
Dessert was either brought by a guest, or my mom would make something. There were times when an Entemann's Cake was bought at the supermarket the day before, cause the supermarkets were closed on Sundays.......But mostly, the desserts were from a bakery (courtesy of the guest) or from my mother's oven. Dessert would push your stomach over the edge, it would top off the meal, but push you past the point of full. Then the massive cleanup would begin, one person washing the dishes, pots, pans, serving platters, serving utensils, dessert plates and utensils, and another drying all of it. All the while, my mother protesting and telling us to leave it, she would do it, although she wanted me to help, so usually I would wash.
My Dad would be asleep on the couch or in his favorite chair, neices and nephews running around, tv blaring, and my mother playing hovercraft while we washed and dried. Leftovers bagged, put in containers, offered to company, before the microwave, by the way. Desserts packed up, room found in the fridge, and then when it was all done, my mother offering to make another pot of coffee, or cup of tea, so that we could "finish off that dessert, we don't need it here!"
Well, that is a thought or a memory from me to you for today. HOpe it took you back to where I was a little while ago! Happy SUnday Dinner everyone!

More Pictures of Various Stuff going on......

2009-10-28T11:57:00.003-04:00

Cassidy, pumpkin picking '09

Patrick the starting Varsity Center for the PM Raiders.....(He is only a JR) Danny taking Practice before a home JV game

Daniel and Patrick in their away and home jerseys, before the first games of the season this fall.

A beautiful Orchid on the table at my neice's wedding (Yes it is real.)

Seasonal Decos this year

2009-10-21T09:23:00.001-04:00

2009-08-23T08:42:00.002-04:00

Hi all, so sorry that I haven't posted in a long while. My creative juices have not been flowing lately. I have been going on full tilt for about a month now........running kids here there and everywhere. Cassidy to the library almost daily. Patrick to summer school, both boys to summer workouts for football and add a few baseball games in there too, not to mention a tournament in South Carolina, for a week. Now just re reading this I am exhausted. I will try to write more when I can sit and think.......trying to write thoughts on the paper so that I can type them here......hang in there folks! More to come in the future!

Contrary to Popular Belief........

2009-06-15T11:30:00.003-04:00

Contrary to popular belief, I do not subscribe to your type of music, Mr. windows open booming Ford Explorer guy! Contrary to popular belief: I don't care how many drinks you had at the bar last nght, Ms. young executive type walking in the mall with your buddy. Contrary to popular belief: I really don't need to know the intimate details of your marriage, Mrs. Produce Picking lady on the cell phone, in the supermarket!

These are a few of my contrary to Popular Beliefs for this week........

Sorry to be a negative woman today, but well, it just gets to me that these things have become part of the social norm. I just can't understand when it became "un rude" to share your personal tastes, conversations, and other intimate details of your lives with everyone around you, strangers, older folks, and children alike! It just bugs me, I can't wash my dishes without that guy driving by with his music shattering the glasses, I think that I can sing the song that he has on all of the time, in whatever language that it is blaring in. Usually I want to tap the woman on the shoulder and say something to the effect of "Please, I don't need to know what Tequila and beer do to you on a party night out." (Although I don't think that I will be as kind as I have written here. The lady in the produce section, well, I think that no matter what was said to her, she won't stop talking about her terrible marriage, it won't matter that she is sharing her intimate details in public, we all need to know!

If you would like to add your "Contrary to Popular Belief" and help me take back decency and privacy, please contribute!

Kids

2009-06-09T06:29:00.002-04:00

I know that it is normal for a teen to rebel. I get it. I did it, but I really don't think that it was this bad. Both of my teens are boys, and boy oh boy they are driving me insane. School seems to be so difficult for them both. Not the actual work, but the responsibility of actually doing the work. Progress reports read, needs to study more for tests/quizes. Homework assignments missing or late. Frequent bathroom use. Projects late or missing. I am finished at this point. I am tired, I have exhausted punishment. The oldest, at 16, has infuriated me to the point where I just want to beat him! Not that I will, but the thought has crossed my mind. There is about a week left to actual classes, then the exam schedule takes over for about a week. We ahve Regents exams here in NY. They are and have been given in many subjects and are required for the kids to pass the courses in math, science, English and social studies, not to mention, foreign language. The oldest must take these type of tests or he is doomed to summer school or worse, repetition of the 10th grade. He is struggling in math, always has, and he does try in that course. He has been going to extra help in math and in earth science regularly. HOwever, he has been blowing off assignments and test corrections(which will increase his overall grade) in SPanish. He seems to just have the Devil may care attitude when it comes to this, right now. It used to be in social studies and English! I think he picks a subject each quarter to just watch me blow my top! He waited until last week to begin to make up the stuff that is missing! KILL ME NOW! He cannot understand what the problem is with that.....

The middle child, my second teen, at 13, has been making me crazy since November. He has been punished on and off since then too. Last month, he only used 11, yes eleven, minutes on his cell phone, because it was taken away for so long! Privledges have been suspended for so long that I don't know what to give back.

Is it a boy thing?

My daughter comes home every day and gets her stuff together and just does her homework. She rarely uses homework passes (elementary school) and just feels that it is important to do what is expected of her! I hope this continues, the boys were a fight from the beginning.

If I were a drinker, yesterday would have been the day for me to "tie one on." My oldest pushed me so far over the edge at 7am that I really thought I was going to hurt him. It has been insanity around here with him. He will sit at the table in the kitchen, and stare at the wall with a paper in front of him, for hours, the same page.

I am sorry, just venting about the trials and tribulations of the year end blues, spring fever etc. Trying to get thru the end to make it to summer. HOping not to have to sign up for summer school..........UGH! That won't be fun!

OH well that is all for now.....thanks for reading!

Life, Death, Greif, Processing....

2009-06-03T07:08:00.002-04:00

Here you go....another reflective post.............

AS we age, so do our parents. We watch changes that they go through, we watch as their medications get increased, discontinued, added, and decreased. It becomes our responsibility to worry about them, to help them and to make sure that they make and keep appointments. If we can't be there to do all of that, we have to make sure that someone capable is there to help them. Life moves very quickly when a parent is ill. Everything is hyper-clear, focused, and there is no stopping the progression of the illness. There are many questions left unanswered, many things left unsaid. The focus seems to be on time, time spent with one another, on the illness, on the life that was and the quality of life that is.
When a parent dies, life is put into a strange perspective. THe child no longer is a child, but an independent being. Adrift without the wisdom of the older adult. (Let's not even go to the place where a minor loses a parent) There are so many times that I want to pick up the phone, almost 2 years later, to ask my mother what to put in this dish, how do you make that, who is the lady who.......and then I realize that I can't. When both parents are gone, there is a sense of emptiness. Well, nothingness. Life as you know it changes, but most of it stays the same. It is an odd way to see things, to move through your days. The days leading up to, and of, funerals and wakes, they seem to stand still, or go in slow motion. After leaving the cemetary or burial place, then the film begins to speed up, to resume normal fast moving pace.
Then one is left with those pesky feelings. Raw feelings, un nerving feelings, or just plain nothingness. Greif or not, it is left to the person to pick up the pieces and to try to re exist in the life that was before. It is tough, it is hard, to say the least. It isn't the same though, even though people want it to be, it isn't the same. As an adult with children, the needs of the children outweigh yours, they are greiving too. They cannot grasp when, why what, but are expected to see things normally, to feel things normally, and to resume life normally. They don't express their grief or their anger the same way that an adult will or can. There are times when they seem so normal, and then they explode, in school, in a baseball game, or their grades take a tank to the bottom of the ocean. They lost someone too.
Being able to talk to one another helps, when those explosions happen, to let it all hang out, so to say.
It isn't a sin to tell children that you are grieving too. It isn't dammaging for them to see the adult cry. It is human. Sadness is a part of life. Watching a parent deal appropriately with their grief is healthy for children who have lost a grandparent or another person in their life.
Giving them as much room as possible to grieve is also a good thing, a healthy thing. They will be better able to deal with life if they can deal with the reality of death. Choices are important. When kids are small, they need not be exposed to the wake, but when they are older, they should see that this is normal and a part of the process. When my Dad died my boys were young, I didn't subject them to the wake, but wanted them at the funeral mass, and felt that they should have a little closure. When my Mother passed, the kids had been visiting her at the nursing home, they knew that it was comming. I asked the boys to choose a night to go to the wake, they were older and should see the process. I didn't subject my daughter to it, as she was much younger. All three went to the funeral, but just the oldest chose to go to the cemetary. The children know and knew what they could handle, and I allowed that to guide me. Honesty is always the key. Tell them what is going on in the language and terms and capacity that they have. For example(for the 14 year old, at the time) "Grandma has brain cancer. It isn't going to get better. We need to visit her and let her know that we love her. Let's enjoy what time we have left."
(for the 5 year old, at the time) "Grandma can't take care of herself at home. She is sick. The doctors have helped her and are giving her medicine. We need to visit her and let her know that we love her."
So there you have it, the process of life, death and grief, as I know it. The process from a personal point of view.

My little Reflection.....

2009-05-28T08:30:00.001-04:00

Here it is, as promised, not perfect, but it is mine.........

Reflections of Patchogue: My Neighborhood.

Patchogue, a small town, located in the middle of Long Island. Roughly the middle. Located on the Great South Bay, across from Davis Park, and Watch Hill, Fire Island. In its heyday, it was home to large populations of "summer people," who rented homes, or hotel rooms in the large hotels located by the bay or along Main Street. Main Street, home of a famous four corners in Suffolk County. Everyone who was anyone came to shop in this town. George Washington visited a tavern on the west end of town. A tavern that no longer exists, but an historic plaque commemorates its location and the fact that Washington was there. The site is where one of the oldest and historic cemetaries stands, nowadays.
This is where I grew up. Although it wasn't in the "village," I did grow up in the location, and became intimate with my surroundings. I knew how to get to the village from where I lived. My bicycle was an easy way to get around. I knew that Phannimiller's served ice cream sodas on "Medford Ave." I knew that there were several lunchonettes where fries and burgers could be purchased. I knew that the Lace Mill was a bustling manufacturing plant. I knew about the playgrounds and the small beaches, not to mention the ferry to take us to the mythical place(as a child anyway) Fire Island! This was my home, this was my place.
We drank well water from the hose on a hot summer day. The town put down tar and bluestone on the road, and the adventure of riding our bikes on it afterward, in the hot summer. Learning to walk barefoot across those roads, ouch ouch ouch! These were part of my constants. Basketball hoops nailed to telephone poles, baseball on the corner, this was where I grew up. Everyone didn't have a pool, one or two dotted back yards, with no fences, we ran through sprinklers when our mothers or fathers turned them on to keep the grass green. We went swimming in the stream at Stirritz. It was over 6 foot at the "pipe." A concrete pipe that had been placed there long ago to help the flow of water to Swan Lake. The water was cold, so cold that your feet went numb if you stayed in too long. Sledding at the hill on Stirritz, walking there when it was dark. Feeling safe and protected in the knowledge that everyone in the neighborhood knew each other. Knowing that fences didn't really matter, that we could walk in and out of each others' yards or houses and just be accepted. Neighbors borrowing each other's lawnmowers, hedge trimmers, snow shovels, garden rakes. Halloween was safe, apples and other fruit were accepted from the houses where our neighbors lived. One house always gave us plastic necklaces, all the girls would wear them to school the next day. Many families never used a key to enter their homes. Our doors were left unlocked, our windows open, our cars in the drieways unlocked and windows rolled down. We left the house in the morning, rode our bicycles all over the place, listened for the whistle for lunch, the fire whistle went off at noon, then would regroup after, and stay out until Johnny's Dad whistled for him to come home for dinner. We ate over each other's houses, called the moms "aunt" and the dads "uncle. This was my place, a street with 32 houses built exactly the same, with the same sized rooms, basements and garages. Cement driveways, on a tree lined, sidewalked street. We learned to ride bikes on those sidewalks. We played hopscotch on them too. We had boundaries, go to the end of the sidewalk, heading north, and to Mr. Reed's house heading south.
We raked leaves, planted flowers, and vegetable gardens. There was a Mulberry tree in the back yard, staining our barefeet if we walked by it. The huge Maple tree on the front lawn and on the back lawn provided cool shade when we needed it.
We walked to school, and home too. One of the neighborhood Moms was the crossing guard in front of the school. She taught us 3rd or 4th grade religion in the den in her basement. It was a big deal if someone in the neighborhood got a new car! Those of us with older brothers and sisters knew what was going on in the high school and the middle school. We saw them go to prom in fancy dresses and in boys' cars. The whole neighborhood watched as they married and moved away. Sometimes whole families were invited to the weddings. The whole neighborhood was invited to my wedding, all the parents of folks that I grew up with, played with, and even babysat.
I always called that Neighborhood, "Home." When my Dad passed away, I started to realize how small my world was, growing up. When my Mom got sick, it got even smaller. When she died, it became a tiny spot. The house, when empty seemed so small to me. A high school friend came by to pick up some furniture and knicknacks that we would have otherwise donated to Goodwill, and he looked around the living room, and said,"Was it always this small?" That made me realize that when we think that things are so big and so wide, we actually see them as our mind pictures them.
There were certainties. There was safety. It was a good place to grow up. I could ride my bicycle anywhere, and get a good bagel on South Ocean Avenue. If I wanted a hot chocolate on a chilly morning, I just had to ride "up" to the diner, or cross the street from the bus stop, The Island Grill Diner was right there. My Dad had a friend who would visit us once or twice a year, they were in the Navy together. He could always find our house because the diner was on the corner of where he needed to turn. When they moved the establishment to Hospital Road, and tore down the old building, Mr. K. got hopelessly lost and Dad had to go out in the car to find him. We had our landmarks, yes indeed. Knowing that the streetlights were going to come on was comforting too. We built snow forts, snowmen and had bad snowball fights. Once, the plow came down the street and had to back up twice to destroy the fort that we had built. It had benches in it and everything, a floor, walls, heck if we could have we would have made a roof! It seated 12 comfortably! What a blast we had with the snow shovels that winter. We had a week off to build the fort, there was that much snow. Playing "ring and run," on a hot summer night, or ball tag, hiding in each other's yards hoping not to get found by the person who was "it." Hearing Mr. Devita opening the upstairs window, sneaking out from the shadow of the shrubs, and getting doused with a bucket of water, while he was giggling like a school boy, that too was magic. I guess what we always knew was that our neighborhood was a magical place, no matter what your circumstances were at home, if your Dad was drunk again, if your mom was sick, if your parents weren't getting along, or even if they were getting divorced, we ran together, and laughed together. We had each other.
The next door neighbor was my "little brother." I was the 6th child of 6, so at times I was lonely. Sean and I were three years apart, so we naturally protected and watched over each other. His parents trusted me, so he was able to play baseball at the corner, and cross the street, and just hang out with the other kids, if I was there. I babysat, for him, and for his sister, on summer mornings when his mom returned to work. They were my extended family. They were my siblings when mine had grown and married and moved away. They were special to me. They were special to my parents. Sean's sister, Heather, said that when my parents died, it was like losing grandparents. We went to every special event and birthday.
This was my world, my little piece of reality. When my mom's house was sold, I told the couple that bought it, "It was a nice place to grow up, to play and to grow." My Patchogue, my "block," my childhood.

Some Recent Pictures

2009-05-17T19:28:00.003-04:00

Thought you guys out there would like to see some of the images that I have taken over the past month! The flower is an Iris in my front bed. (it was originally planted by my mother in the 50's or the 60's at her house, and it was a very pale lavender when planted there) I took a few before we sold the house, and a few years before that. The bud is the same stalk of Iris before blooming. The burgundy bloom is a Martha Washington Geranium that blew off aftera windy rain storm into a pot hole in my front walk. The next is a bunch of debris on the beach at Smith's Point County Park in FIre Island, a beach about 15 miles away from my home. And the sign explains itself! Cool fact about a beach that I had gone to since I was a child.

Still Working

2009-05-03T19:21:00.002-04:00

I am still here, sorry I have been absent. I have been working off line on a "reflections" type post. I am not finished withit yet, but will be soon. I have to edit for spelling and content, and grammar, but it is almost complete. It will be long, so bear with me. I hope you all think it is worth the wait!

Visit to the Ecology Site, Near Home

2009-04-09T18:22:00.002-04:00

these are just a samplong of the animals that were rescued or donated to the animal preserve near our home. It is on the site of the former landfill, and not only is there an animal preserve, but there is a greenhouse complex and a walking/running/cycling track. What a great way to recycle a garbage dump. I remember going there with my Dad when I was little, before the current landfill was purchased and opened. The fitness track was one of the first of its kind here on Long Island, and the animal preserve (WE cal it the Ecology Site) is FREE, yes, I said Free to anyone who lives in our township. My boys loved it when they were younger, and took field trips there in Elementary School, Cassidy loves going there anytime of the year. We went today, couldn't waste a beautiful SPring afternoon, even though I really should have been cooking for Easter, but it was so worth it. So many folks must have felt the same way, it was crowded!!!!! It was worth the crowds too! Nice way to spend a vacation day with my daughter.

2009-04-07T07:18:00.001-04:00

Hey, guys, just letting you all know that I am here. I have ben having major problems with the computer, enought to drive a girl a little nuts! Hoping it is all fixed, and will write more soon. If I don't sign on before, I hope you all have a great Easter, spending it with family and or friends. (Those you love) Enjoy!

Pictures From the Snow

2009-03-06T08:44:00.002-05:00

From the Snow storm on Monday: 3/2/09.

Goings on..........

2009-03-04T06:28:00.002-05:00

I can't wait for Spring! This Winter seems so long. Those statements are so very true for me, this year. I never really minded the cold or the snow. In fact, I really welcomed the change of season, but this year................UGH! I just want the Spring to pop up. I am hoping that it happens soon. It is just too much this year. People in Minnesota are saying that we have gotten more snow than them. The storm that hit on Sunday into Monday dumped up to 14 and in some cases 16 inches here on Long Island. Now, the cold is following! For the past 2 days the news is reporting that the temperature is cold. Yesterday's high was a whopping 14 degrees! Right now, as I write this, the temp has dropped to 7, from 11 degrees. I guess that I am complaining! Many posts ago, or not so many, I said that it didn't do us any good to complain about the weather. I know in my head that it doesn't, but I am.
So much bad news in the world. The oppressive weather, they both contribute to my general funky mood. I guess I have to do something interesting over the next couple of days. That will lift my mood. Now what is interesting? Don't ask, cause I don't know, yet!
I am also anticipating my doctor's appointment. I have one tomorrow, and I just don't want ot hear it, I didn't go for my bloodwork, I am overweight, etc. etc. etc. I just want the doc to perscribe my meds, they work, and I need a new perscription. I seriously need ot find a new doctor, one that listens to me, and one that is closer in proxcimity to my home. I stayed with the family practicioner that we had used when we lived out east, but the location and the driving when the kids are sick or when I need to see the doc, is just not convenient. The last time I took Patrick to him, for illness, he told my son that he was obese! My weightlifting, active, football and baseball player. The boy who can bench press his weight. Patrick refuses to go to the doctor now. He detests the doc because he said that. Patrick is the first one to run around the block to build his stamina, the first to work out on a snow day, the first to drink water instead of juice or iced tea. So, that is where I am at.............still shuffling people where they need to go, still getting up early to ensure that everyone's needs are met. Cooking, cleaning, wiping down the bathrooms, etc......Life is life, it moves and grooves, it ebbs and flows, good, bad, excitement, boredom, happy and sad. That is what is.

StonyBrook Museums a Field Trip

2009-02-21T07:19:00.003-05:00

As you all know, I am a Long Island person. I love my Island, I love what is here and love experiencing its history. The museums at StonyBrook, or the Long Island Museums are featured here on my blog, you can read about them by clicking on the link.

I must begin by saying that I have never been to the museums, before Thursday that is. Every school vacation, I try to fit in a little "field trip" for the kids. We visit the past from here on Long Island. This school break, we planned a trip to the museums at StonyBrook. WE toured the new exhibit, we toured the grounds and we toured the carriage museum and the art museum. Danny always brings his friend Mikey, who is like a member of the family, and Dan likewise at his house. Above are a few shots of the grounds and the kids. Patrick, being too mature opted out for this trip. DOn't worry, will get him on the next one! My favorite shots are those by the outhouse, they weren't too thrilled to be posing, but I made them. FUnny shots they will have for the rest of their lives! Mikey's mom gave me permission to use the images of her son, so don't fear! We had fun and spent an afternoon learning, although the kis won't realize the value of what they learned until they are older and need to recall something......tee hee....fooled them didn't I?

This Day in History

2009-02-18T15:28:00.003-05:00

TOday, February 18, is a day of history in my family. Sixteen years ago, my son was born. My first child, my oldest child. I don't understand how 16 years could go by so very fast. He is almost a man, he is almost on his own. I can only hope that we did the right thing by him, that we taught him right from wrong. We can only hope that he took those lessons and realized and continue to realize the important things in life. Life flashes by so very fast. It seems as if it was yesterday that I was riding in the back seat of the car watching him sleep on the way home from the hospital, and poof.......he is dating girls! I miss the chubby little hands holding mine, the laughter that infected a whole room, giggling over nothing. I used to love it when he would climb up into my lap and just hug me. He became so mature, so big so fast. He was so independent in a very short time. I can still see him sleeping in his crib, an now he sleeps in a bed. All too soon, he won't be sleeping in that bed, he will have moved out, and on his own. Then I will really miss him. I just regret that I didn't have the time with him that I did with Cassidy, that life was so stressful and so crazy and I had to go back to work too soon when he was an infant. He was such a happy baby, a loving toddler and an easy child. Now he is a teenager. It can be rough at times, but all in all he is a well mannered child, and an appreciative child. He can be stubborn, but hopefully that will make him a sucessful person, a stick to your guns kind of guy. I really can't call him a boy anymore, but he isn't quite a man. He sounds like a man, looks like a man, shaves like a man, but he isn't quite a man. SOmetimes, just sometimes, I see the dancing toddler, the not quite one year old eating a pickle, or the little boy who loved Thomas the Tank Engine, Big Bird and Batman. He is in the boy/man that stands before me, sometimes I see that little boy, in his eyes, his smile or just in the way he holds his head. Most of the time though, I rarely see that little boy. I look all of the time, I truly miss him. He grew up too fast, way too fast.

So, in closing, I say, "Happy Birthday, Patrick!"

Happy Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T07:51:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Valentine's Day! HOpe you are spending it with someone you love! It doesn't have to be a husband, a boyfriend, a lover....it could be your child or children, your parents, your cousins, you neice or nephew. Whomever you chose to be your Valentine, is your Valentine! enjoy your day, as the sun rises or sets, and think of those you loved and those you continue to love. I am not big into the buying of expensive gifts any longer. I will admit that I was, once. I just want to spend the day with people I love. Nothing fancy, nothing extravagant, but with them. I understand that my son, who will be 16 soon, will want to spend a good part of the day with his girlfriend. I get it, and it sounds nice. SO, that is what he wants to do for the day. I will be glad when the jewelry store ads calm down, when the card commercials go away, when the call this or that number for flowers ads go away. The gimmicks for folks to spend, spend, spend..........those annoy me. The advertisers try to make people feel innadequate if they cannot afford the diamond heart pendant or the $80 bouquet of flowers. That isn't what it is all about, it is about the sentiment of love, the essence of love, the love of love. SO, on this Valentine's Day, I ask all of you to ignore the ads, love those you love with all of your hearts, enjoy the time and company that you have together, laugh together. That is what counts, it is what matters. Have a great day together!

Photos and Issues

2009-02-03T07:05:00.002-05:00

I have a Facebook account. I signed up in October. My friends made me do it. It was peer pressure. It was fun. It is fun. I post old and new pictures on it. I enjoy it far more than I care to admit. But that is where I posted my latest pictures. Iwent out yesterday shooting locally. I wanted to really try out the lens. I did. I am impressed even more with my camera! I took some shots that I really didn't expect to be great, that I sat back when I uploaded them and said,"WOW!" My kids were impressed. "Where did you take this one?" "How did you get that close?" "Mom, these are great~" I guess that I just pointed and shot. I will post a couple here when I am thru writing. I promise.

I am having computer issues, with my new laptop. Scott bought it for me in October, a birthday present. It refuses to charge. Not the laptop itself, but the charging cord, for some reason it isn't translating the power it is taking from the outlet to the actual laptop. So, I am doing things on Scott's laptop, cause the PC is well slower than slow, and that is being kind. This weekend, we will order a new power cord from the company, because we went to Best Buy, and they didn't have one that they were sure would fit the computer. They offered a "universal" charger, but well, it may or may not fit your laptop, and if you open it it isn't returnable.......for about $100. That isn't an option. Scott went on line and to order one for my laptop would be about $56. And the best part? It would be "THE" one for my laptop. So right now,, I am working on getting used to this laptop, the keyboard is different, so it takes me a little longer to type, and it is slow on teh upload for pictures. I discovered yesterday that there is no red eye fixer in the edit program for the pictures, but no matter, when mine is up and running again, I will put the photos there and then fix the red eyes on the kids, so those won't be here for a while.

As I get older, I have a different point of view. I see things differently. I see the way light falls differently. That may be why my pictures are better. Or it may be that I just want to slow down a little and take time to enjoy the actual picture taking. I don't know, you judge for yourself.

Squirrels in the Tree

2009-01-26T20:41:00.005-05:00

Here are a few photos of the squirrels that live outside of my kitchen window.....in the rotten hollow tree.

More Scenes from Long Island: Monday Morning 1/19/09

2009-01-21T08:42:00.002-05:00

Some of these were taken right in my yard, the tree is outside my kitchen window. Scott says that it has to come down, or it might come down on its own. It is a haven for a few squirrels this winter, every so often we see them climbing in and out of the hole. The second picture was taken of woods in back of a car dealership, I positioned the camera so that the lot and building wasn't in the frame. The third is a real closeup of a branch on a tree outside of the 7-11. The tree isn't very tall, it is kind of scranny, but the way the snow was just plopped on the branches intrigued me. The blue background is a car. The stop sign is at my corner, I shot the picture from indoors, at the front window of my house. The last one, Cliff may know the technical term for the contraption. I call it a large wheeled sprinkler. It was shot on our ride to the MRI, out on the eastern end of Long Island, at a sod farm in Riverhead. I just loved the way that the field looked so startk and the contraption was just there. Enjoy!

Winterscapes of Long Island

2009-01-18T08:04:00.003-05:00

These views are from the truck, as we drove home. We took a ride, Scott , myself and Cassidy, to his jobsite, just to make certain that it wasn't frozen, and that the water hadn't let loose. On the weekends, Scott and his helper take turns checking the well that they are working on. It was Scott's turn, so I decided to go with him, and Cassidy wanted to see where Daddy works right now. Anyhow, I love the beach in the winter, but not many are open for us to go see, so we drove the Ocean Parkway past Jones Beach State Park, and I snapped away from the warmth of the truck.

The first is the western most part, as you approach the Loop Parkway. I believe the Bridge is that on the Loop Parkway. The toll booths were made famous in the original Godfather Movie. They were not green then, but it is the scene where Sonny was shot. The third is just a shot along the way. The fourth is the bridge to RObert Moses State Park, another beach. The last is as we were descending the bridge that Scott has always known as the Robert Moses Causeway Bridge. It is now a double span, not originally built that way, but is now.

These aren't pictures of my hometown per say, but they are of the area in which we live. It is about 30 miles away from us, Jones Beach. It has a theater, two pools (Bath Houses) and a beautiful strip of beach, with a boardwalk. ALso, it has a glof course, basketball courts, a mini golf course, and those types of recreation activities. In the summer it is teeming with people.

It was a planned recreation area, planned by Robert Moses, the parkways were also planned by him. If you want more info, google Jones Beach NY or Robert Moses. Look up the history of the place, if you are a history buff, it is really neat. Originally all of the employees were dressed like sailors, boys and girls, and the faucets for the water fountains were ships wheels, and the seahorse motif was on other hardware. Kind of neat to have that here. It used to be free, but now you need to buy a "day pass" or a summer fun pass. Economic times in the past few decades have forced the state to impose ever rising fees for use of state parks.

Disapointed.

2009-01-16T11:35:00.003-05:00

I wish I had the gumsion to go out in this weather and take some photographs. I wanted to make a folder on my computer with my town under the snow. We got a few inches yesterday, but today an arctic blast hit. The tems are in the singel digits. SO, no way no how that I will get out there with camera in hand. Scott bought me a new lens for my camera, for Christmas, and I am dying to do some artsy pictures. I really enjoyed the last time with the "regular" lens, so I thought I would try out some with the zoom. I have played around in the yard a little, but those photos haven't satisfyed my curiosty. I just thought I would write about it, since I am not bundling up and running out to take those pictures by the bay. I love the look of the water in the winter, it has a different quality. It strikes me differently. But not today! I am crazy, but not nuts.

Snow on Long Island

2009-01-11T08:11:00.002-05:00

Well, we had snow. Notice I said had. There is snow on the roof, snow on the grass and snow on the driveway. Not enough to make it difficult, not enough to not be able to get out, but enough to make it annoying. Yesterday as the flakes fell, I needed a few things in the house. Nothing that couldn't wait, but thngs that if I need them at the moment, they wouldn't be there and it would make for difficulty. SO I ventured out to the supermarket, mind you, I actually did go to the food store this week, I grocery shopped, used my coupons and recycled my cans and bottles. But there were a few things that didn't make it on to the list. SO I forgot them, but I can go get them. So, I did. I thought mid day would be ok, Scott was busy putting in an entry floor, we wanted to improve on what was there, the "Brick" tiles with the black backing from the early 70's.....the folks who mounted them, put them down with black tar glue, right on top of the oak hard wood, so salvaging that was out of the question, without too much labor and sweat. We went to Lowe's which opened a new store around the corner from us, well not around the corner, but close enough. I picked a laminate floor material that looks like hardwood, and Scott installed it. He went right into the closet, and it looks fabulous! What a difference it makes!
But I strayed from my topic.......The supermarket, few things to pick up, snow and flakes falling.
I went to the supermarket. I made my way down the overcrowded aisles, and thought, just what the heck is going on.......OH, I thought again, the snow. Then I started noticing what was in the carts, what was missing on the shelves, and it hit me! The "Storm Panics" are out. YOu know them, the looney toon people that emerge from their homes, even if it is the day after food shopping, to stock up on items that no one in their right mind would need under normal circumstances. There was a lady with a portable heater (electric of course?) on the bottom of her cart. Mind you, this is the woman who was stacking cases of bottled water on top of her already overflowing cart. She had individual bottles, she had the gallon sized bottles and the ones that have the spouts, stacked in there. There was much canned food, and Milk. I never saw so many gallons of milk flying off of the shelves. Bread was missing too. I guess the big storm was hitting and Lord knows when the plows would be heading down the streets of this suburban township. We may never get out! EVER! It cracks me up to notice what people stock up on......If we loose electric, you cannot use an electric heater. If you loose electric, that milk you bought will spoil. Can you possibly eat 5 loaves of bread in less than a week? That too will go moldy. I have teenagers, and yes we go through milk, yes we go through bottled water, yes we go through bread. I just don't think that we can go through 5 gallons in a few days or 5 loaves of bread. For me, I just get those things as I am in need of them. If a storm hits, then we go without for a day. The next day the store will still be there, the local 7-11 will still be opoen, and guess what, the street will be open too. I just like to chuckle to myself. I just don't believe that people feel the need to stock up on perishables. What are they thinking? I would understand if the nearest store were more than 5 miles away, but seriously, in this town, spit and you hit a supermarket, (there are 4 within 10 minutes of each other) there are several 7--11 stores, quite a few delis, and a couple of butchers within 5 miles of one another. There is no impossibility of not being able to get something for your buck here, at any time of the day or night! So, as I chuckle and rant and rave about the "Storm Panics," just remember, that 40th gallon of milk may be the one that is necessary for survival, and while you are out in the snow, pick up 20 cases of water, and another loaf of bread, those guys with the snow plows will never come by...........

Having Moments

2009-01-07T14:01:00.002-05:00

For those of you who have been following my blog, you know what we have been through as a family. You know all about Scott's Myeloma, you know that it was a harrowing experience for me, as a wife, a partner, a mom and a nurturer.

Scott has been doing so well, his numbers keep comming down, his maintenence meds have been bringing the numbers down. He is on a maintence dose, not a theraputic dose, so that in itself is miraculous. I have no complaints with any of his past or present treatment. I am so happy that he was lucky enough to have the doctors that he has, and has had. It is a wonderful thing that has occured for him to have been treated by these men. The nurses and assistants have been terrific too. I am so grateful that they are/were in his life.

The title of this post is "Having Moments." I still have moments, I had moments, and I guess I will continue to have moments. I am glad that these moments come when no one is at home, when I am by myself. I will be doing something that is so ordinary, like cleaning the bathroom, and a whiff of a cleaning component will cross my nose, and whoooooosh! I am back in time. I am reliving feelings that I had when things were frightening. The fear of the disease washes over me, and the fear of losing him washes over me. Selfish as it seems, I am angry that I have to fear that. I want him to be around forever, I want to take care of him forever. I can't imagine my life without him. I can't imagine my children without him.
The pit of my stomach hurts, and then I cry. I always have in the back of my mind that his cancer isn't curable, but it is treatable. I guess that is really why I don't sleep well at night, that my fear comes back to the forefront at times. When the fear washes over meand there is someone home, I march my behind down to the basement, to the laundry room, where the hum of the machines drowns out noise. I don't wnat Scott or the kids to see me crying or to hear me cry. I don't want any of them to know that I am afraid. I can't allow that. I have to believe that my fears are a part of my imagination, and my small part of my own paranoia. There are times when I am almost paralyzed by the fear of the disease comming to the forefront again. I just don't know what to do to believe that forever will come through. Everytime we go to a check up appointment, the doctor thinks he is miraculous. The doctor tells us that he is showing no evidence of the disease based on his bloodwork. AN MRI will tell if the tumors are completely gone, and that is something I have to schedule for him for next week sometime. I am really amazed that we have come through this so far. I am so amazed that my husband is my hero. He is so strong both psychologically and physically, that he is "normal" again. I guess that is what scares me. He doesn't express his feelings so well, he is quiet and reserved. He would never tell me if he was frightened. He would never tell me if the fear rises in his throat, like it does in mine.

So that is what is going though my head on this rainy Wednesday. I am having moments. I just hope that the moments stay moments, that the fear is a little less as the years go on...........

Life Just Gets Rougher

2009-01-06T15:54:00.003-05:00

Life with a teenager..................where do I begin..................where do I end.....................where does it all go..........................Actually, I have to say that I have 2 not one teenager now. It isn't easy, but when one of them is stubborn and pigheaded, and the other doesn't even care, it makes life almost impossible. The 15 year old is stubborn and pigheaded, much like both of his parents. The second one, at 13, has no clue that school is important and that it isn't a joke or something you blow off. Right now, though, the 15 year old is the one that has been having a grand old time and not doing what is expected of him school wise. He is not doing work in many of his classes and has not been for about 5 weeks. He is lying about it, too, which really makes me angry. Then when he is being told what to do, he needs and always does try to get the last word into the end of the sentence. Even if it is an, "OKAY!" with a clipped sarcastic edge or an angry voice, he has to get that interjected into what I or my husband is saying. It takes every ounce of restraint and then some not to put a foot up his nose or some other orafice. I am not complaining or lookking for a solution, I know that this is all normal, but well I am being driven nuts.

My biggest complaint right now is that my 15 year old's teachers, all except for one, have not communicated that there have been problems for the past few weeks. His Social Studies teacher is on top of things. She is on maternity leave right now, but her leave replacement has communicated problems with me already. I am grateful for that. I have been adamant that the teachers communicate problems or missing assignments or missing homework, or anything that I need to know. They have been given my home, and cell phone numbers, and my email address. I have seen them in person requesting that they contact me, that I do not find it an imposition, that I want and need to follow my son's school life. I have emailed them with the same information. I have told each and every teacher that it is important to us that our son work to his potential, that he not just blow off a subject, any subject. I am not living in a fantasy world, I know that there will be subjects that the kids have problems with no matter what....but when it becomes a major issue, it is something to try to rectify. After 5 weeks of a quarter, it is more than impossible to do that. At this point in a 10 week quarter, I really don't know what to do. I know that it is his doing, but to have a little cooperation from the teachers would be nice. Patrick doesn't see the severity of the whole picture. It is simple, failure=summer school. I guess that is all for now, no real insights into the mind of a mom, no observations, just venting.....

Goodbye to one, Hello to another....

2008-12-31T07:28:00.003-05:00

First, I would like to say, Happy New Year to all! May the year 2009 hold promise and hope for all out there. May 2008 be a fond, happy memory for you all. Hopefully you all have little regret and much promise from this year. It has been a long one for me. Every day I have worked hard to make it great for those around me, I have tried to experience joy in the little things. I have found importance in small moments, and in the simplenes of everyday life. Things like my daughter's smile, my son's confidence, and my younger son's discovery of who he will be. THat is the journey I am taking. It took me a long time to find myself, well not to find myself, but to feel comfortable in my own skin, again, for the most part. There are times that I feel like an awkward young girl, kind of strange to me and those around me, but I guess that is normal. It is normal to me anyhow. There are other times when I feel safe and protected. There are other times when I feel burdened, emotionally, and it makes me nervous. SO, these are the things that I feel and have felt over the past few years. These are the things that I discovered about myself. I learned that the sun shines no matter what we go through, that the night comes even when we don't want it to. I learned that life goes on, even when it stops for others. I learned that time is fleeting, that it slips through our life and that we wake up one day and we aren't 10, or 15, or even 25 anymore. We have only time to forge relationships, to strengthen them and to love those in them. Time takes away what we love the most, and who we love the most. Each passing year is to be cherished. Our children grow, that is natural, although we don't want them to they just do. My baby is no longer a baby. My son is almost a man. All three make me proud when they accomplish litle things. All three make me proud when they accomplish great things. It isn't either that is more important, but that they do grow and accomplish. That is the importance. I miss the cute smiles and the poses for the camera, from both boys, but am glad that they can read, walk, talk, and express ideas. My daughter, she still poses for the camera, but she too has made strides toward growth. She is a great reader, enjoys just picking up the book, and acomplishing the story. She loves to write, and talk about it. All these things I am greatful for. Time for all of us to slow down the pace, and realize that financial markets will ebb and flow, will crash and burn, will reach high and low points. Bigger isn't always better, simplify our lives, enjoy our lives. If someone is working 60-70 hours a week, how can he or she enjoy the fruits of their labor? Sure, you own that huge house, but do you get to sit on the sofa with your kids and play scrabble, do you get to learn what their hopes and dreams are? Or is this the Nanny's job? My wish for 2009 is to have folks learn about their children, enjoy their children, enjoy the company of their spouse, to stop and watch the seagulls fly by us at the bay, or the crows in the cornfield (Clif that one is for you) or whatever turns you on. Less stress for the New Year, more love, companionship and friendship. Elvis Costello said something that always sticks in my head:"What's so funy 'bout peace, love and understanding?"
Happy New Year to all!

Merry Christmas

2008-12-24T06:25:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to wish all a Merry Christmas! Hoping that you and yours celebrate the holiday in the style that comforts you. May peace and joy come to all at this time of year! If you don't celebrate Christmas, hope that your holiday, whatever it may be, is filled with laughter and love. Stay dry and warm, stay safe and sound. Love your friends and family with all of your heart, enjoy the children and the elders. We can learn much from both. My love to all in Blogland!

Seasonal Pictures

2008-12-20T11:33:00.002-05:00

Thought you all would like to see what we have been up to here on Long Island. We finished the Gingerbread house on Thursday, and today we are still battling the snow. The last picture was taken today, Saturday, of Cassidy in the snow. She suited up to brave temps in the 20's, to have a blast in the snow with her friend and brother. Of course, her brother abandoned the frolicking, and came home from across the street. (I guess at 13, he is too mature to pull the sled and chase the "kids" around in the snow) Ok, that is all for today!

Almost Done For Christmas

2008-12-15T06:21:00.003-05:00

Well, where do I start, I am finished with shopping, for the kids. I have a present to get for my nephew, for Scott and for my inlaws. I think we are going to do a joint gift for the inlaws this year. They aren't terribly hard to buy for, but seperately, it seems as if they are. We finished up yesterday, rather quickly, hit three stores, and we were done. We even went out and picked and bought a tree. I isn't perfect, but then again, I wasn't looking for perfect, I was looking for a really good tree for a decent price, no muss no fuss. I used to be so picky that we would go on a quest, and it would take forever in the freezing cold, but there are better ways to spend my time. Like I said in my Thanksgiving post, priorities have changed, my budget has gotten tighter, and well, we will actually throw the tree out into the street the day after New Year's anyway. It gets picked up and put on the beaches to help reclaim the dunes, but it still doesn't last forever. We talk about getting a live tree with a ball, every year, but that doesn't happen. It takes planning and time, it takes knowing a spot where the tree will be planted when we hit the January thaw. Scott isn't giving my any ideas for Christmas. He is hard to buy for. He asks for functional things, for example, "I could use some sweatshirt, for every day, not for work, but you know..." That is what I got out of him. I hate to guess for him, I hate it. He mentioned one year that he wanted a really great spatula for the BBQ, I went out and bought one of those long ones with the holes in it, and really was proud of myself. That wasn't his only present, but it was one of them. He opened it and said something to the effect that it wasn't an appropriate present for Christmas. He mentioned at one point that he wanted on, so I bought one. Now, I really try to pin him down to something he wants, something that is important to him. He doesn't give me those things, because he doesn't want me to spend money on him. I wish he wasn't that tough. He never used to be, but time and circumstances they change. I will come up with something for him, I will try. I hope he appreciates the try.
Well, cookies are baked, need to start wrapping for the teacher and for the bus driver. I alwasy try to get something simple for both, nothing ridiculously expensive, but a token of appreciation for their hard work. After elementary school age, though, the gift giving stops. That is when the kids change classes and have many many teachers, so that isn't economically feasable for us to be gift givers.
I guess that while the kids are in school, I should start to wrap their presents. I have food shpping to do, but some of it cannot be done until a couple of days before Christmas. I have to order a turkey from our butcher, my local supermarket was wiped out and I usually get the "free" one, but the offer was weird this year. Usually you have to spend a certain amount in a certain period of time. This year it was similar, but not only did you have to purchase a certain amount, it had to be on certain products, and it wasn't a combination of dollar amounts on different products, it was an amount of money on this product and or an amount of money on this product. For example, $40 in Campbell's soup. I don't think I spend that much on Campbell's soup in a year. Strange. The incentive wasn't there this year, so I buy my turkey. SHould have bought it when it ws on sale at Thanksgiving time, but I waited. OH well. I guess I will order mine today. I have never been this behind in my food shopping for Christmas. Usually, I have everything in the house ahead of time. It reallydoesn't matter, I just like to be done so that it is convenient for me. Well, now I am finished with my long list of dones and not dones, gladly will sign off and hope many of you are far ahead of me in the Christmas game!

Baking

2008-12-10T10:54:00.002-05:00

This past week, I have spent my days combing through cookbooks, you know the kind, the fundraiser ones from various PTAs and churches, and communities. Those are usually my favorite ones, they are full of tried and true recipies from the people who submit them. No fancy ingredients, no muss no fuss, just good, plain food. Many of them were my mother's books, from the church, Penna Dutch Country, Polish Town U.S. A., those kind. I have a couple of my own, my Daughter's PTA did one when she was in Kindergarden, and she submitted her favorite cookie recipie, so we will be baking them tomorrow night. I have one that I submitted a recipie to, a church cookbook, when I was 10. My mom put her cake in that book too, so we both had a copy. When the PTA book order forms came home, we each got a copy, Casidy and me, and we bought one for my Mother in Law. It was a mother's day gift from my daughter to her. They have a special relationship, for which I am thankful. It is so cool to see my mother in law with my kids, they are truly loved and adored by both of Scott's parents. I couldn't ask for better grandparents for my kids. I am glad that they have that relationship, that my children have them, I grew up basically without grandparents, I had Pop, but we didn't see him that often. (My mother wasn't too comfortable with my dad's family, so it wasn't a close relationship) I always wanted my children to know their grandparents. It is so rewarding to have them in a child's life. Grandparents bring such layers into the life of a child. They learn history, family and other wise from Grandparents.

But I digress, My point here is that I spent the week in and out of cookbooks. I was looking for cookie recipies. I wanted to add to our regular Xmas cookies: Sugar, Chocolate Chip, Oatmeal, Harvest Walnut, etc. We, as I mentioned before, will be making "Cassidy's Favorite Applesauce Cookies," and today, as soon as my butter is softened, I will be making "Jam Buttons" from that church cookbook. Never made them before, but it seems easy enough. Christmas to me includes copious amounts of baking and cookies. I love the baking, and really enjoy the process. From scratch or not, my kids love homebaked cookies. They are salavating to break into those tins, I see the devil in their eyes looking wistfully toward them on the counter, each one labled and closed. They know that they have to wait, they know that the best is yet to come, the actual eating of the cookies. Every day they come home, they beg, "Please, can't we eat some of them?" My answer is always, "No, you know if you start, you won't stop, and then, well, I will be baking forever!" They nod and leave the room.

For the Sugar cookies, this year, I used the cookie press. It reminded me of being a little girl and adding colored sugar to the tops of the cookies, food coloring to the dough (I didn't do that though) adding sprinkles and baking. The shapes of wreaths, Christmas trees and crosses and chess pieces lined the cookie sheets. The crosses were raised off a squared cookie. I don't know where the square shape came from but whatever, perfect or not, well, they are going to get gobbled up I swear!
This year we will have cookies for Santa, that I baked, not that were given to us from the ladies at the church. Last year, with all that was going on with my mother, I didn't bake a single cookie, not one, and on Christmas Eve, I panicked, I didn't have something for Santa. I was ready at 9pm to run to Pathmark to buy slice and bakes just so that my daughter had something to put on that plate for Santa. But after the funeral, we had lunch at my sisters, we catered it, and people chipped in and helped, the Rosary ALtar Society at the church had the funeral director give my sister a plate of cookies that they make for families of those funerals are held for, and we forgot to put them out for dessert, so my sister who is the master cookie baker, sent them home with me. As i panicked and was about to cry, my daughter's little voice popped up, "Mommy," she said, "We have cookies, the ones that the church ladies gave us, they won't mind that you give some to Santa." I cried anyway. She helped me get the cookie plate and the mug for the milk, we put out the carrot for RUdolph, and put everything on the counter. Thank goodness for whomever thought of that tradition from the church. She was/is a wonderful person, she saved a tradition in our house, and allowed a little girl to have her Santa cookies. My heart was intact. I don't think that I could have survived emotionally if the cookies weren't there for my daughter. I would not hae been able to watch her go to bed if she didn't have those cookies!

So that is where I am at, cookies to bake, shopping to still do, a tree to still get and to decorate. I hope that gets done the tree at least by the weekend. Wish me luck!

2008-12-05T07:58:00.002-05:00

December. December. December. I reapeat that over and over to myself, reminding myself, cajoling myself, prodding and poking at myself. I try and try to get my fanny in gear, but alas.....no shopping has been done. Yes, yes, I know it is only 20 days before Christmas. I know that I have 3 kids to buy for, but well, oh well. I am going to get it done, I want to get it done, but I have been crazed and in a whirlwind trying to get stuff done here at the house. I will update you as it goes along, and will tell you amusing stories about things that are going on. That is all for now.......til next time......................................

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words......

2008-11-28T07:04:00.002-05:00

Thanksgiving is Here

2008-11-25T06:04:00.002-05:00

I know, I know, it really isn't Thanksgiving. It will be though in two days. I don't want to miss wishing all of my friends in blogland a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I want to reflect here a little, on things that I am truly thankful for. I am thankful for my family. Especially for my husband. Three years ago, he wasn't here, he was in a hospital getting his hip replaced due to the cruel witch of his cancer. I am truly glad that his remission is still strong, and that we do everything possible to make it so...my children. They are well adjusted, loving and live with open minds and hearts. At my daughter's parent teacher conference last week, I was told that she is a "good student, a good friend, and just a good kid." THe boys are good friends, good kids, but their studies well they need to do more of that. I am proud that they do try their best in most of their subjects, and that is something to be thankful for. They understand that not only is it important to participate in athletics, but in academics too! I am thankful for the roof over my head. We live in times when manyof our fellow Patchogians are loosing their homes. A sad fact. I am thankful that I have heat and food on the table. I am thankfu for simple things. My perspective on life has changed over the past three years, simple things are what make a long and happy life. It isn't how much you have or the material things you can buy, it is life, how you live it, and who is in it. THose things are important to me and I am thankful that now, I have mellowed to the point of who cares what actress is "hot" or what products there are out there for me to buy, consume, give. It just doesn't matter in the long run. I am concerned with the higher ground, putting food on the table, keeping a roof on the house, keeping my kids warm. I want them to separate wants and needs. I want them to understand that need is not the latest video game or tv set. I do want them to dream and dream big. I want them to be succesful, but on heir terms. If success to each one of them means that they sweep streets for a living, then so be it. If success means that they woek as a fast food worker, then so be it. My definition doesn't always fit with what society defines success as....happiness and simpleness is success to me. So, that is what I am thankful for.

May all of you have a Happy Thanksgiving. Remember all that you have, and the folks who have passed in and out of your lives, be thankful for having known them, I am.

Coffe on a Friday Afternoon

2008-11-23T06:59:00.003-05:00

As I sit here on a chilly Sunday morning, sipping my coffee, I often wonder about the Starbuck's monkies. I worked in a 7-ELeven when I was in college. I worked a tough shift, so I know about folks and their coffee. I know that on break, lunch, on the way to a shift or from a shift, it is important for people to get that caffine or coffee fix. I get it. Now that being said, I wonder, quite often, why would you need to monkey around with that great cup? Is it necessary to foam this or whip that or add this flavor shot or swirl in a little bit of these bits, or how about ice it all?
When did a small, medium or large need to have fancy names? I just want my coffee, half and half, no sugar, on the light side. How does one go in to the Starbucks and order such a simple thing? I try, I really try, but I guess I am not trendy. Our local Target store has a Starbuck's right in it. I always think that I am going to go there to order something and get away with not looking foolish, afterall, I am shopping with the fellow jean clad parents and the like, we aren't "cool" anymore. I walk up to the counter on Friday, look at the fancy board, and figure, what the heck? How strange can one of these concoctions be? Let me see, let me see...."Hi, Welcome to Starbuck's, How may I help you today?" Almost shouted at me by the perky uniformed "barista." "Well," I say,"I am not so sure what to order here......" SHe rolls her eyes ever so patiently, like she is rolling a phrase around in her head....I stand there another minute, feeling the pressure of her gaze and the coworker's gaze upon me. ANd WHam! Up behind me walks a bohemian looking young guy in a pony tail....."Damn," I think, "Now, I really look like an idiot!"
"Oh," I say outloud, " I guess I will have your equivalent of a medium Cafe Mocha." "With Whipped Cream," she smiles thru her bizzare party line gaze. "Why, yes, that sounds fine," I say with my fixed expression. A few seconds later it comes across the conter, in a cup, with a lid and one of those paper protectors slipped over the cup. I paid for it, almost $4 to be exact. I saw the steam rising as she was pouring it, but, by the time I walk to my car, it is luke warm. Mind you, I wasn't parked miles away, it was about a minute and a half walk from the counter to the car.
But anyhow, I taste it, luke warm though it is, and guess what? It is a hot chocolate, that is what it tasted like to me, a $4 hot chocolate! Why didn't I just go to Dunkin Doughnuts' or 7-Eleven and buy one for half the price, go home and add my own whipped cream and live happily ever after? I guess that, like I said before, I wanted to be trendy, I wanted to be hip, I wanted to be part of the Starbuck's drinking, jean clad crowd that shops at Target! How did I get to be so uncool?

Who Turned Up the Air Conditioning?

2008-11-19T06:48:00.002-05:00

Over the past few days, the temperatures have fallen. This morning when I awoke, it was a balmy 27 degrees , that isn't celcius folks,that is Farenheight. Scary that just a few days ago, we were in the 50's. Strange how Mother Nature just says, "Enough fooling around, it is November!" It just reminds us that we have no control over the elements, as much as our human arrogance thinks we do, we don't. The meteorologists can predict and theorize and look at their doppler radar, but in the relative scope of reality, well it is all just a wash. The weather does what it does. NO explaining it, it just does. Personally, I just laugh when people complain about the temperature, the precipitation, and what ever comes our way. I think to myself, "What season is this?" THen I remember where we are in the calendar, and nod and say, "Yeah, right on the money." If it is summer, it is hot, humid and at times unbearable. If it is fall, it is chilly, winter, yup, should get snow, and it should be cold. Spring dawns a little chilly, we get rain, and rain, and well, the weather eventually evens itself out. That is our climate here on the Island. Why do we complain about it? I guess because it makes for good conversation, we need to hear our own thoughts or is it just that we need to complain. SOmetimes I think that it is the latter. I need to complain at times, don't you? Weather affects my mood, I can't help it, it does. Too many dreary days and I am dreary. When the wind howls and the rain pelts, I wish I could just pull the covers over my head, and stay there, in bed. No explaining it, but I just get out of bed, start the day and hope for the best. That is all I can do. The person that I feel horrible for is my husband. His job is an outdoor one. He needs to be outdoors drilling water wells. He works ou of his union hall for a contractor who drills commercial water wells for drinking water and the like. There are times when there is no shelter other than his service truck. SO, coffee break and lunch are taken in the small enclosed space. He turns up the heat and hopes to thaw out. Layers are the key to keeping warm. Still there are days that even that doesn't help. Those are the days that he comes home and takes a long warm shower, and bundles up when he comes out of it. THose are the days he falls asleep early on the couch with a blanket over him. Those are the days I feel terrible for him and want to do something for him. It just goes to show you that we are powerless to the weather, and we need to protect ourselves from it. I really don't know where this is going, just doing what I do best, rambling........Anyhow, I will stop now, I will wish all a good day and for those of you who are in the "cool, or cold zone," put on your coats, zip them up, and have a good day!

2008-11-14T05:30:00.002-05:00

The air is changin, especially at night. It is gettng darker earlier. Winter is comming Not that I mind, but yes, I kind of do mind. (that was an awkward sentence, oops, sorry, but you get the idea) I am not ready to allow the fall to go away. Many if not all of the leaves have fallen off of our trees. We have already done one lawn cleanup, but the back yard is full of leaves. This weekend will prove productive in that category. I have to upload photos off of my camera, I took a few over the past week. I have to decide what I will be making and bringing to Thanksgiving Dinner at my in laws. If it is something that I have never attempted, well then I have to practice it, to ensure that I can attempt it and execute it. I love to have the concept of a dessert or a dish in my head, a mental picture as you would say, but there are times when my mental picture and the actual product never match. Last year, I was going to bring a dessert bread that I saw in a book or magazine. It was simply made from those pislbury "grands" biscuits, cinnamon and sugar. You cut out leaf patterns from the biscuits and layer them in a wreath pattern. Sound easy? Yeah, no, not for me. The leaf patterns didn't cut properly, they were sticky and hard to get out of the cookie cutters, even with flour on the cutters. When I did the egg wash and sugar mixture, it was gross. The finished product looked like a twisted up mess. SO, I am glad that I didn't bring it to my mother in law. I am glad that I attempted to make it before the big day. I am happy that it was a disaster before the fact. Some things just don't work, that is fine. I love the "test run" that I do. THere are things that I don't test, for instance the apple walnut cake that I make for Christmas, that is something I grew up watching, while my Mom made it. In fact, I was enlisted to chop the nuts by hand, with a chopper and a wooden chopping bowl. Now my daughter has taken that role, and I have made the cake for the past 4 or 5 years. It is a once a year cake, a special one, not fancy, but special. Most of the time, thoug, I pray for perfection on that cake. I wouldn't want to have to do it twice, with all of the dicing and chopping, it is work. Anyhow, don't know how this post got here, I guess it just naturally progressed. Cool. I do kind of have a twist on a decoration that I saw in a book. Cupcakes with leaves on them arrainged in a wreath. The leaves are made out of colored melting chocolate, paintbrushed on actual leaves, then carefully peeled off. I just want to know how the heck am I to clean the leaves? The fall on the ground for goodness sake! I thought of making super thin sugar cookies and then paining on either icing or chocolate to make the colors, that way there is no cray mess. Like I said, it is conceptually a nice idea, but will it be worth the actual time and work to do it? I have to muse over it more, ruminate on the idea, and maybe try to bake the cookies, and ice them to see if it is worth the frustration that may ensue. I will keep you all posted.

Emptying my Head.......

2008-11-11T10:47:00.003-05:00

Let's see, haven't been on to post in quite a while. A week to be exact. What has been going on, what is going on, etc. Well, been busy taking down Halloween Decos, putting up Thanksgiving decos, weeding thru old photos. I posted a few on my facebook page. Would give you the address, but can't remember it at all. I have it bookmarked, so that way I don't have to tax my brain any further. The kids are off today, from school, Veterans' Day. I am kind of glad that the high schooler is off, things and events that have transpired over the past few days that I am not exactly secure in having him in school these days.

YOu see, over the weekend, a group of young men, 7 of them in fact, decided to attack two men, a random act of violence, because they are of the Hispanic persuasion. One of the men ended up dead, beaten and stabbed, the other escaped to call police. These young man now stand accused of manslaughter and gang violence. They are students in my son's school. We have a concentration of hispanic people, both legal and illegal, in our town, and obviously those young men allowed things they heard and things said in frustration, biased things, spill over into their judgement, which allegedly was also impaired by alcohol. We have some gangs in our school, too. Violence and the like haven't been a problem, but it may be a problem now. Racial tensions will run high now, and controlling those will be a big task. I have raised my children to avoid violence, to not be involved in such things that would damage themselves and others.
I shouldn't say "I" I should say we. We have raised our children to respect others, the law and morals of our society.
I don't advocate illegal immigration. I am not for allowing people to emigrate here without the proper documentation. I do advocate the fact that if you are going to come to our country, you need to do it through the proper channels, and to have the proper paperwork to be able to live and work here. I don't want to have to pay for medical insurance, food stamp programs, welfare programs, education and such for folks who are not legally working and paying taxes here in the U.S. I never, ever feel that if you haven't paid into the system, that you should reap rewards from it.

But by the same token, this problem of illegal immigration, isn't going to get solved by violence. We aren't going to get the problem solved by allowing people of any age to go out and hurt others, no matter what their national origin.

Now that the problem has become a criminal one. How much more violence will need to take place for our federal government to take action. Immigration is still restricted from Eastern Europe, Asia and the like. Why isn't it restricted from our borders below? Why are these people allowed to live and work here illegally? Is being politically correct more important than our laws? I know that every Americn CItizen has a heritage from somewhere else, but most came here legally. Most heritages can be traced legally, learning the language, to read and write it and to be able to speak it in a public setting. I know that the immigrants come here to better themselves, their families' lives, their economic station in life, I understand that we as a nation, have more opportunities than any other place in the world. I understand the need to make a better life, I want that for all people. I want our laws and our rules and regulations respected and followed, that makes a better life for all of us.

I advocate that our government now step in and start enforcing our laws. No man, woman or child deserves to die a horrible death in the street at the hands of drunken biased teenagers, or at the hands of anyone. Violence against a human being is wrong, wrong wrong, wrong. I don't care if it happens against a citizen or not, it is so wrong. I am now concerned that this type of violence will be used against other groups, or folks just walking down the street, like these men were. Why did it need to come to this?

Thoughts? Insights?

Whew!

2008-11-04T17:25:00.002-05:00

Just an update from before. I have calmed down, I don't think I will be having a stroke today. I was able to cast my ballot around 1045 am EST. I stopped at the school and saw feet sticking out of the voting booth, so, I got on line and was able to vote. I wouldn't presume to tell you whom I voted for, but I did get out and cast my vote for President, State Senator, Congressman, and such. Now, we sit and wait for the results, and whether things go my candidate's way or not, I participated in the coolest process that there is...I exercized my right and privelidge to vote, a right that isn't given to many in other countries. It is one of the greatest things about being an American! If you haven't voted, get your fanny out there and vote !!!!!!!!!!!

I Want to Vote, Today...

2008-11-04T08:13:00.003-05:00

It is Election Day. Today an historic election will take place. We, as a country, are going to elect the next President of the United States of America. There is only one problem...I can't vote. It isn't as if I am not registered, it isn't as if I have no way to get to the polls, it isn't as if I have something lawfully preventing me from casting my ballot.

I took Patrick to football practice this morning. My intent was to vote early, so after I dropped him off, I went ot Cassidy's school, that is my polling place. I parked my car, got out, locked the car and Cassidy and I walked to the "gym lobby" where the voting booths are set up. I got in a line, turns out that I was in the wrong line, so I go to the next table, and attempt to sign in to vote. Well, they won't even sign me in...the voting machine on that side of the room is broken.
"Here," they say, shoving an absentee (oh, I'm sorry, EMERGENCY,) ballot at me. "Use this, the machine is broken." "No, I say, I won't use that, I want to vote in the machine like everyone else, I want my vote counted when I cast it, not later after the fact." "Well, we have called, so come back later."

"Come back later???????????" "COME BACK LATER???????????" Now suppose that I don't have later, suppose this was the only time that I have to vote? How unfair is this? What is this? I get myself out to do my civic duty and to exercize my right to vote, and they are shoving a paper ballot in my hand? I am pissed, pardon the expression, PISSED! How can they expect people to vote if it is being made so difficult? I didn't have my glasses, I didn't have the tools needed to fill out that "emergency" ballot. It is nothing more than an absentee ballot, I know, because it is the same ballot I helped my mother fill out the last time she voted. She was blind as you recall and didn't read braille. I feel that my right to vote and cast my ballot in the traditional way has been taken away. I feel that I am being told that I may not vote in the manner to which I have been come accustomed. I have been denied my inalienable right to vote. I am really angry and upset.

I tried to call my county board of elections, but well, the phone was busy, and the time that I did get a ring on the other end of the phone, well that was a no go, it rang and rang and rang, and then hung up on me. I just feel violated. I haen't missed an election since I was18. Not one. I voted even in the election after I was married, and had changed my name, I went through proper proceedure to get my name registered in my new home, and yes, I voted in a voting booth, and continued to do so. There was a machine working in the polling place, but being from a different district, I couldn't use it. I never saw that before. WHenever I voted, I would sign in and go to the next available voting machine and Wha Laaaa! Eureeka! I would magically cast my vote! Poof, the information was recorded immediately, not after the polls close, not let's wait to count those "absentee" ballots. If I wanted to vote absentee, I would have requested the ballot, back when we were asked to do so, I would have mailed it in when it was supposed to be mailed in, and I would not have been pissed off about doing it!.

When I was little, I went to the polling place with my parents, I went into the booth with them, to observe the process. I wasn't clueless about how the levers and buttons worked. I voted for the first time, not as a stranger, but as an old friend to the machine. I was informed politically, and mechanically.

I WANT TO VOTE! I WANT TO VOTE! I WANT TO VOTE!

Now that my tantrum is over, I will sit here and attempt to vote again later, but if it isn't feasible, I will write every newly elected person to display my anger and frustration, and then I will want answers as to why there aren't more booths for us to use............wish me luck, think of me as you go into the voting booth today.

Halloween Pictures

2008-11-01T21:35:00.003-04:00

These need no explanation, but I will humor you...Cassidy in her "school" clothes...Cassidy in her costume. The boys out making mischief! (oops! they loaded in reverse order, but you get the idea)

Was it worth the wait to see her costume?

Fall and Feelings

2008-10-30T12:38:00.004-04:00

Strange to "feel" the Autumnal weather. I really love this time of year. It is my favorite. I say this over and over again, but Autumn/ Fall, whatever you may call it, is it for me. It reminds me of so much, it makes me feel alive. It is odd for me to feel so alive at a time of year when we see the real signs of things dying right in front of us. The air feels different, the air looks different. I love the way the colors splash all over the place.

Yesterday, I took the camera out, I mean really out. I went for a ride, took pictures around town, and thought they would be ok. HOnestly not to toot my own horn, they are fantastic. I really was amazed at how the clouds looked, the water, the trees. It really just awed me, and I felt everything that was there. I was utterly alone, but was surrounded by sights and sounds that I had heard thousands of times. I heard the sounds again, I really felt the shivers from the chilly air. It made me feel good.

Yesterday was a day that I needed to feel good. It was a year to the date that I found my Mother on the floor and had to have her transported to the ER, never to return home again. It was a day that was exactly the same, weather wise, and it ran through me so fast and furious, that I needed not to be alone with myself. I didn't feel like being sad, I didn't feel like feeling anything, so, I took the camera and ran. I am glad that I did. Glad that I did.

I am such a Copycat!

2008-10-28T08:29:00.002-04:00

Rachel, I am giving you complete credit for this one, what a fun post. I really enjoyed your post about the silly laws that still exist on the books, that I had to look up New York, and well...I thought that it would be cool to post my own state's here. Thank you, Rachel, this is a cute one!

Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business.
You may not smoke within 100 feet of the entrance to a public building.
It is illegal for a woman to be on the street wearing “body hugging clothing.
Citizens may not greet each other by “putting one’s thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers”.
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting.
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone’s head for fun.
The penalty for jumping off a building is death.
New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it.
A person may not walk around on Sundays with an ice cream cone in his/her pocket.
While riding in an elevator, one must talk to no one, and fold his hands while looking toward the door.
Slippers are not to be worn after 10:00 P.

My favorite is that the penalty for jumping off of a building is death, really now, DUHHHHH! HOw tall does the building need to be to not have death result in the jump? Come on!

2008-10-27T08:22:00.003-04:00

First Picture is Scott's Sister in Law, his Brother, his dad, his mom at Dan's "coffee and Cake"

Second Picture is Dan getting ready to blow out the candles for coffee and cake

Third is the cake I made for his actual birthday.

I know it has been a long time since my last post. I just haven't had much to say. Since my last post, Daniel had a birthday and so did I. I must admit Daniel had a nice cake both on his birthday and for "coffee and cake" day with his grandparents and aunt and uncle. We don't do the lavish parties that most of the kids have, we keep it simple and let the kids enjoy spending time with their relatives. I know that my daughter would love to have a "make over" party or a pony ride party or something like that, well, nope. We just don't have the means or the patience to have 20 or so screaching kids out or at our home. When I worked, we had the extra cash to take a few of the boys' friends to the movies, or to have a jungle gym party, but we just don't have it anymore, and personally, I think that the kids appreciate their gifts more. Daniel got a cell phone from us, added to the family plan that we already have. It is important to have this for him, not onlyis it a status symbol, but he can call either one of us to check in wherever he may be, and if he needs a ride home early from a practice, we are a phone call away. Patrick got his cell phone when he was thriteen, and has been responsible with it. We blocked texting, the internet and such on both of the boys' phones, because essentially it is a tool to get in touch with us, no need for them to develop carpal tunnel syndrome because their little fingers are spelling vowel less words, or symbols that mean something unmentionalble. Necessity is the name of the game when it comes to the communication in this house.

My birthday was just a day. I spent the day doing laundry, cleaning the rug, going to baseball games and cooking dinner. Scott did buy me a "notebook" for my birthday, and that was nice. Typing on it right now, and still trying to figure it all out.

THis past week, Scott was away for training again, for his union. He went to West Virginia, which is an 8 hour ride from here, but shared the ride with a friend who was also taking the course he needed. I missed him a lot. The kids missed him too. Even the dog missed him. Now he is home and all is normal here. Daniel's last baseball game was yesterday, until the Spring. THat frees up our Sundays, just enough to let us finish our "punch list " with our rennovations. We have litle things to finish, trim and mouldings things like that. It is just the stuff we cannot get done without time. Football for both boys goes for another 2 weeks, but that is Saturdays, so that will be fine. I guess that is all for now, Happy Halloween to all!

Halloween and Fall Decorations

2008-10-07T14:36:00.003-04:00

Now Let's see....hummmmmm....This is the reason that I haven't posted since last week. I have been decorating. Halloween is my favorite all time holiday. I am not sure why, but it is. I have great memories of it, running around the neighborhood, gathering candy, trick or treating for Unicef, and always, always in a costume. Most of the costumes that I had, my mother made. ONe year, I was a pricness, another a witch, another I was a gypsy. I really never had a "store bought" costume. I remember store bought masks, but the bulk of the costume was usually made by my mother. I was even Raggedy Ann once, complete with a dyed cotton mop head wig! I wish I had a photograph of that one. But I digress... I loved the spoky scary feeling of Halloween, the whole ghoul's going to get you thoughts. My neighborhood seemed darker, there always seemed to be footsteps echoing behind you, and there was a chill in the air. It was too much fun. I try to get the kids to understand the fun and excitement that always added up to Halloween, and the only one that seems to share my enthusiasm is my daughter. She too, loves Halloween. And just wait for her costume this year!!!!! I am making it, not with a sewing machine, but boy oh boy it is going to be cute.....wait for the photos!

There are Five Words...

2008-09-30T05:39:00.002-04:00

Last night, or actually this morning, very early, I couldn't sleep. I tried to get up walk around a little, fluff the pillows, steal back the covers, or just wait for sleep to come back to me, but to no avail, for a while anyway. This happens at least once a week, I have learned to live with it and the "hung over" feeling interrupted sleep gives you in the "actual" morning. I have spoken to the doc, he suggests Tylenol Pm. I take it when I haven't slept the previous night, at all. I don't like the fuzzy feeling that I get when I wake the next day. OOPS! I digress from my title. Here is what I thought about while trying to get back to sleep. There are 5 words. What the heck in thunder is she talking about? Well, sit back, relax, get a cup of coffee, tea, or whatever. I speak of these 5 words: "I love you," and "I'm sorry." Think about them. All of the advice columnists tell the love lorn that they need to say these words, that they are important in any relationship. All of the therapists tell folks that they are important. Twelve step programs tell folks that they must use "I'm sorry." In relation to "doing the steps." Both phrases, or sentences, are what I like to call healing words. They get you through, they help you along, they make you feel warm, safe and grounded. Think about it...if you never said either of those phrases in real context, how long would you last? If you never heard those words, again, how long would you last? I am not talking physically, emotionally. How many a marriage has been based on "I love you?" Most, I would assume. How many a marriage has been saved by, "I'm sorry?" More than I can count, I guess. I believe it is important for all children to hear "I love you," from both parents, even if it isn't the manly thing to do for Dad. Children thrive on those words, more so than on nutrition. You can give a child enough to eat, all the right food groups, but if you don't tell him or her that she or he is loved, a child won't grow. I also believe when we are wrong, it is the best thing to admit it and move on from there. "I'm sorry," is a powerful cleanser, you get a new chance to move on and to tell someone that you love them. Children need to hear that parents sometimes make mistakes, and ""I'm sorry," is the best way for them to know that a mistake was made. I know I make mistakes on a daily basis, I am human. "I'm sorry that I didn't get to the store for your favorite snack, it happens, let's choose something else." The ablility to accept flaws, the ability to understand that things cannot always be the way you want it, that we must move on from there. It is all in that little sentence. You see, I also believe that in hidden context, you are saying,"I love you." You are telling the person that you aren't perfect, that they aren't perfect, but in spite of that you are willing to admit it and move on with the relationship. No matter what relationship, even a bump in the street, I didn't mean to do that, but let's both move on from here. A person cannot know that they are loved unless they are shown and told. Not in material things, but things that matter. I get up to make breakfast for you, ("I love you.) I made your favorite dessert, ("I love you.) Ordinary things make the extrodinary, love put into it, and they are fantastic. These five words don't cost anything in money, they cost us pieces of ourselves, and isn't life worth those pieces?

Autumn Has Arrived

2008-09-22T05:44:00.002-04:00

Yes, it is true, it is official, Autumn is here. I have waited so very long for it, anticipated it, and now it is here. The other day, I knew it was comming, I just knew it. The air was crisp, the evenings were beginning to become cool, having the windows open was great. The only draw back to that, is that good sleeping weather brings the oil man. We had the oil company drop 100 gallons a couple of weeks ago. We just cannot afford for the company to fill the tank to the very top. Usually we lock in to a price with our oil company,well, not now, we are waiting. If we had done that, we would be stuck up around 4.79 a gallon! You see the comfort of having a lock in price is that you know how much you are paying a gallon, the drawback with our company is that if the price (market) goes below your lock in, you are stuck with your lock in price. That is the gimmick, stuck. SO now, we pay 10 cents below the going rate when we order the oil,or when the auto delivery kicks in. We wait, it makes more economic sense right now. This weekend was a busy one, Patrick and Danny attended the Varsity game on Friday night, under the lights. They enjoyed themselves immensely. Danny met up with a couple of his friends from football on the Junior High level. Patrick, of course met up with his friends on teh team. Their coach instructed them to wear their Jerseys, and stay in a group, be on better than their best behavior, and they would be fine, if not, there would be hell to pay. Patrick goes to the games to watch the games, to study the plays made by the varsity players, he wants to learn so that next year he does well. He really enjoys the game of football. Danny saw an opportunity to go and have fun with his friends while watching the game. I trust both boys, so it wasn't a stretch to let them go.

Saturday dawned, literally, and Scott went to the Apprenticeship training facility for his union, he volunteers there on some Saturdays, as well as works there opening and closing the facility on evenings when classes are being held. He enjoys giving back, teaching on the practical days, helping others learn to work in his trade. Patrick had a football game, away, so he had to be at the school by 715, yes folks, am! Danny had a practice beginning at 8am. NUTS! Then in the evening we had the instructors dinner for the union. It is an annual event that Scott's local throws for the instructors at the training facility. They have a cocktail party with a Dj and such. It is a very nice evening. We get to mix and mingle with people that we rarely see on a regular basis, we see folks that are older and still instructing, and folks like my husband who are just the young face of the union and involved. We get to talk to the "big wigs" in a more relaxed environment. Scott's mom and Dad go to this too. His dad, although retired, still goes "out to the school" on Saturdays and on certain days during the week. In the summer, he is there every day helping out with the students' required week. (as part of their education there, they must do a solid week of practical training, in the summer. this is a requirement to complete their courses. Or it may be more than a week, that I am not sure of) Sunday came, and we had to hit Costco, and also go to a double header for Daniel. By the time things settled down,it was 9 pm. Now, I write, the boys are rising, getting ready to go off to school. Cassidy will be getting out of bed soon, well not soon, but within the next couple of hours, and the day gets off to a start. Back to school night tomorrow for the high school, back to school night thursday for elementary school, and back to school for middle school next week. This week will go on and move very quickly. Next weekend is chock full again. That is all for now.

School Started

2008-09-15T06:12:00.002-04:00

Well, I am a little late in this post. School actually started last week. I was a camera freak. My oldest, he is 15, a sophomore in high school, hates it when the camera comes out. He always groans and asks why I need to do this, well, I just do, that is the standard response. My mother never took first day of school pictures, well, not that I know of, I didn't find any. I guess she just didn't have the time, she didn't have the energy, she just didn't. I wish she had. I wish I had those memories, but you cannot explain that to a 15 year old, they don't have any regrets, or wishes from the past. Their experience is of the here and now, so that is the way it rolls. I cannot explain to my son that someday you will like these pictures. I am taking Ralph's advice, taking pictures of all of them and in copious amounts when the moment arises. A while ago, I was writing about Patrick's long hair, and Ralph's advice was to take lots of photos. SO I do, of allof them, silly ones, embarrasing ones, nice ones, ugly ones, all kinds. Thak goodness for a digital camera! Those camera cards are wonderful, over 500 pictures can be taken at a clip. Not that I have done that, before downloading, but I have gotten up to 200. I love my camera, really I do. It looks like an old fashioned 35mm. The best is that I look thru a viewfinder, not at the back of the camera to take the photo. Scott bought it for Christmas for me last year. It was a nice suprise, seeing as the day was a little hard for all of us. So, anyway, I am ging to post the kids' first day pictures for all of you...not vacation pics, kids, I know that you all LOVE my pictures.....tee heee.

More Pictures from Cooperstown

2008-09-12T07:53:00.003-04:00

Ok,ok, this is the last post concerning the trip. I know, it is like the 1950's, movies, home movies of the neighbor's vacation to Niagra Falls...I promise, this will be the last of it, and I won't bore you any more.

The first image is that of Danny, warming up the right fielder. The second is a gorgeous sunset on the last night of play for the team. The third is Danny and his teammate, Tommy moving out of the barracks, note poor Tommy with the sleeping bag wrapped around his neck looking all discombobulated. I called it the night before, I said that I thought they all would come out that way, definately not the way the moms had they so neatly packed. Tommy's stepdad looked at his mom and said something to the effect that this was the reason that they should have had the boys join the boyscouts! The fourth picture is that of Cassidy and Danny on the steps of the National Baseball Hall of Fame, looking so very thrilled. The last picture is of the entire team showing off their tournament rings, nice ones, as big as class rings. They were all excited and really proud to receive them. That is it for this post. Post number 250, that is a milestone!

Pictures from Cooperstown

2008-09-03T07:38:00.004-04:00

I will do my best to tell all what the photos are: First: The road sign off of I88 only about 5 minutes from our hotel. Second: Some of the boys from the first evening, they stayed with us at the hotel, the one with the vegitation on his head is mine, the one putting the vegetation is our Texas boy, we all flew him up to participate in the tournament with us...he moved to Texas in early July, you can read the story a few posts ago. Third: Warmups before the first game, uniforms provided by Dreams Park. Every boy had to wear the red or blue jersey at all times while on "campus." We provided the pants, and of course their street clothes. Fourth: Negotiating with Dad. Fifth: "Artsy" photo that I took, I just saw it and snapped it. That is Dan's team hat and Cassidy wore it for most of the tournament, backwards at times. Last: The skydivers who brought in the American Flag for the opening ceremony. It was impressive! I will be boring you guys to death with more pics soon, still have some on the camera and more in the folder!

Back, and recovering

2008-09-02T08:27:00.003-04:00

Wow! It has been a long long time since my last post. I was so very busy the week before last that I just couldn't get to the computer to put words on the page. Last week is a blur, sort of, we did the week long tournament in Cooperstown, NY at Dreams Park. It was the final tournament of the season there, the TOURNAMENT OF CHAMPIONS. There were teams of all shapes and sizes there, from Washington state to Long Island NY. It was a true experience for the boys to play there. The kids stayed in "barracks" and most of them flourished through the experience. My son really didn't want to come out to see us unless it was on the field. He had so much fun with his team mates that it didn't mean a thing that we weren't staying in the same place as him. Just an aside here, the coaches also got to experience the "barracks" with the boys. They all ate the food, YUCKY, and all slept in the bunks. The boys begged money from us to go to the consession stands to get food, pizza, burgers and such. They spent money in the arcade, they laughed and went to the vending machines for drinks, they tied each other to the bunks, shaving creamed the coaches and made fun of the one that snored. We on the other hand, didn't know this was going on, we were in a hotel, eating in resturaunts, well, burger joints, and the like. We saw them on the field, and knew they were no worse for the wear. One evening, we all signed our kids out for a BBQ, some of the families were staying at a row of apartments across from Dreams Park, they had small yards and BBQ's to use along with full kitchens and bathrooms two bedrooms, living room etc. Very nice. So we all chipped in and the boys ate a "real meal" that night. Most of them, including my son, wanted to go back to the bunks early. They enjoyed it that much! I will post pictures asap, am working on getting them on the computer. We also visited with our daughter, a brewery, no pics of that mess, and a butterfly conservatory, many shots of that, so those will post also. School starts on Thursday, so now it is crunch time, getting supplies ready for the big day, I bought them a while ago, and making sure everyone has what they need for the first day. Need to go thru Cassidy's fall clothes, see what fits and want doesn't, need to go through to make sure the boys' pants still fit, and then we will see what we need. For the first few weeks it is still warm enough to wear shorts, and that is usually what the boys do anyway. So that is a big burden lifted off of our shoulders, clothing wise. So that is all for now, just filling you up and in on all of our adventures. Boring, I know, but I needed to write again.

2008-08-11T08:30:00.002-04:00

We leave for Cooperstown two weeks from Friday. It came fast. It seemed so long away, and now it is crunch time. I need to start to get things together for packing; I need to make sure that Daniel has everything he will need in the dorm. Yes, a dorm. He and the team, along with the coaches will be staying for a week in a dorm. That is the way that this tournament works. The team plays ball together, they eat together as a team, they go to the showers together, they participate in any activities off the field together. We get to watch baseball for a week. We stay at the hotel for a week, it is a little scary. Patrick won't be joining us, a shame, because he really wanted to see the hall of fame, but it is necessary for him to stay behind, he has his second week of football. JV, school ball, and that is way more important. My in laws are taking care of him and the dog. They will go over to their house and stay for the week. It reminds me of times when I had to go stay with my brother and sister in law. If my parents had a function for a weekend, I went over there, right through college. My parents didn't trust me until I was 20 or so to stay alone in the house. My mother thought I would have a huge neighbor disturbing burn down the house party. My father thought I would leave the dog alone too long and there would be a huge mess to find upon arriving home. Me? No way, I actually had a few friends stay over and we watched movies, cooked breakfast for another friend who worked overnights, laughed, and that was it. No damage, no craziness, and no mess that couldn't be cleaned up. I was responsible after all. My boyfriend at the time, well we weren't actually dating, we had hit a spell of not even talking, of seeing other people, and mehanging out with my friends. He wouldn't even come into the house unless there were other folks present. Didn't want me to have to deal with the backlash from my mom. So anyhow, back to the present. Today is a nutty day. Patrick is already at school, doing summer workouts, he will be there until noon, it starts at 8am. Cassidy wants to go to the library, she has read 50 some odd books this summer, some chapter books, some easy readers, some picture (super easy) books. But they are read, she read all summer, and will be ahead of the game when school starts in September. There is a study out there that says that kids who read over summer break are academically ready to start the next grade. They perform better, read closer or on grade level, and the like. I truly believe that. These are the kids whose minds have been active for the summer, not to say that there shouldn't be down time, I am a firm believer in down time, kids need it to unwind, to exercize their bodies and to rest so that they grow. It is just as important as the academic part of life. It is what makes a well rounded kid, one who can use their imagination, one who can just be. It is different with kids who don't know how to do those things, who are programed and their days so scheduled that they don't get the imagination thing. My daughter can make a whole day out of a few pieces of scrap paper a couple of crayons, and a pen. She draws, writes and creates. For our anniversary, she wrote a book, with pictures, words and a "binder." That is how she spends some of her time. Oter times, she sets up her "Webkinz" on a blanket and plays school with them. She also takes her scooter out and rides and rides for a long time on the driveway. She enjoys most of what she does, and it comes from her. Granted, she will sit in front of the tv if she feels like it. Most kids will, but she doesn't need prompting to go do something else all of the time. My sons on the other hand, they need to be constantly prompted. I blame that on daycare. I had to work, had no choice with them. I went back to work when they could go to day care. They were scheduled all day, that is what they got used to, and the transition from day care to home, was a nightmare. They couldn't do it, they couldn't just be. They needed to know what to do, when to do it. It was hard, and still is. Go play, go outside, find something to do on a day that is low humidity and beautifully sunny! I have probably ranted and raved about this at some point or another in this blog. It just gets me that I have to find things for the kids to do constantly. I have gotten to a point that I say "Just clean your room." That is how we spent the afternoon yesterday, they were cleaning that room at the end of the hall. I guess that is it for today. I will leave you with that thought.

Summer Memories of Patchogue

2008-08-01T07:21:00.002-04:00

Let's see, I haven't posted in a while. Happy August! The summer is winding down and I guess I haven't done much. The kids are browned from the sun, and I am too to a point. I remember, as a kid and into my teenage years, it was "cool" to have a great tan. If you didn't, your friends and foes alike thought that you had been in a hospital for the summer.

My oldest friend and I thought we were the coolest. We would buy the cheapest baby oil from wherever we could and slather it on. We would lay on lounge chairs in the back yard, go to the beach on "ladies day"(which meant that the ferry was only $2 for a roundtrip ticket on that day of the week, Thursday I believe.) We went to the town pools and stretched out on our towels. If we didn't come home lobster red, we weren't doing it right.I remember one time we went to Davis Park, Fire Island, (right across the Great South Bay from Patchogue) and we got to the beach (ocean side, of course) and there was a dredging project going, some where near Davis. The company had set up a long pipeline to the ocean, that is where they were putting the mud and silt that they were taking from the bay side. Not a problem, except, they were pumping it into the ocean right where the bathing beach was! Right where the lifeguard stand was, right where everyone disembarking from the ferry was going to be stretching out and wanting to swim. The mud and sit was washing right back on to the beach on the waves! Ugh, ewwwah! Hold your nose, it smells like raw sewage! Of course, no one was swimming on that day. It was hot, steamy and sticky, and nowhere to cool off. We stayed at the beach until 10 am, I forgot to mention that we always arrived on the 7:30 ferry from Patchogue. Then we hopped the ferry back to Patchogue, and called Joyce's mom. At that point we went to Joyce's house, growing up, they always had a pool, and hopped in the pool to cool off. From there we separated for a little while, for me to go home and shower and put on some other clothing. Usually we did this once a week, sans the dredging, and we would stay at Davis for most of the day, leaving after having lunch, that we packed in the morning. We each had an IGLOO cooler to bring with our beach bags packed with sandwhiches and drinks, a few bucks to get something from the little general store,(that charged an arm and a leg) and snacks in our bags with the beach towels, baby oil and something to do while at the beach. I usually packed a couple of magazines, a book, something along the "real litereature" line, and I was good to go. Sunglasses were a must. Just feel that warm sand beneath my toes and I was a happy camper. There was a line of sand just past the boardwalk, it was darker than the rest, just at the dune line, kind of a grey purple, hotter even in the shade of the dunes.

Now, I never go to the beach. It doesn't interest me in the least, the thought of sand in my nether regions, all over my car when I leave. It just is so annoying to me. I guess the memory of the beach is enough for me, the memory of spending Thursdays with my best friend, the fun of the adventure, away from our protected world of Schoenfeld Blvd.

Happy Aniiversary

2008-07-20T05:13:00.003-04:00

This picture was taken about two years ago, maybe less. Scott at a baseball tournament for Danny, I have a couple of pictures on the camera card from last night at Patrick's game, but have yet to transfer them to the computer. I guell I was lazy last night at 9:30. The reason for the post is that today, July 20th is our wedding anniversary. We aren't exchanging presents, we usually don't. We are going to spend the day together, well, most of it, the kids will be at the in laws, they all want to go, is that a suprise? NO, not to us, they love going to their grandparents' house. I guess I just wanted to post HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SCOTT. These years that I have spent with you have been the best. They haven't all been the greatest, with all that has gone on in the past few, but I wouldn't want to have gone through it with anyone else. We have both grown, we have both lived. We have both loved, and realized that our capacity to love went way beyond the fairy tale of love, that real love is something that no one can model or teach to us, that it must be, just be. All too often, wedding vows are just words to people, they aren't real, they aren't taken seriously, strongly or to heart by one or both parties. I can honestly say that the words that I said on that day seventeen years ago were real, as real as I breathe, as real as I am. I haven't faltered a step in my promise to my husband, and never will. It was "real" from the moment that he put that engagement ring on my finger, it was something that would never end. My words to him that evening were "be sure, be very sure, that this is forever, it is to me, and from this moment on forever starts," (or something to that effect.) I know that things aren't easy with me, I am strongly opinionated, I am stubborn, and I can be very loud when I want to be. I guess I should admit there is a mean part that comes out when I am angry too, but I have learned to let go of alot of things, and that part doesn't surface too often at all. The little things matter and don't matter at the same time. What is important today won't matter tomorrow, unless it is in health or love. Maturity came over the years, it wasn't there at first, but it came. There is a Billy Joel song: THE ANGRY YOUNG MAN, it tells a tale of a cause chaser, you know the type, the ones that pick up the torch of some cause and never let it go, the tee shirt wearing, pamphlet handing, lecturing type. The one who is so passionate at 20 about their cause that they would get arrested for it. Well the song tells a tale of this person, but the person never matures, or when he does, he realizes that he is the "angry old man." Well, my causes aren't as passionate, my yells, not so loud, my battles don't need to be fought on a forum. I have matured through the years, and mellowed, and grown up, I guess. My point here is that it has all happened through my marriage, we have aged, we have mellowed, and we have set ourselves into a rythym of everyday. The kiss good by when Scott leaves for work, the kiss hello when he walks through the door in the evening, making his lunch for the next day, running the kids to where they need to go. It all may sound boring to those reading this entry, but ot us it is us. We don't need the excitement of parties, of going to nightclubs, or anythingof that sort, we need the excitement of the everyday. The smiles on the face of the kids, the certainty of knowing that we will be there for each other, the sound of breathing or snoring in the bedroom at night. The ringing of the alarm in the morning. Those things have become ours. The safety that I find in his eyes, that rock steady security. That is what my life is, that is what our life is. So, again, Happy Anniversary Scott.

Mundane Life moving Foward

2008-07-17T08:51:00.003-04:00

Sorry, folks. haven't posted in a little while. Things here have been a little crazy. With baseball, life and other stuff, I haven't had time to think, let alone post. Last Friday, I closed on my mother's house, the couple is a young, excited one, looking to make a home in the house. That was a comfort to me, it was a nice neighborhood to grow up, a nice place to have friends, to learn to ride a bycicle, a place to bring my children. You could say that I kind of had a separation problem with having to know it wasn't going to be "mine" anymore. I had to say goodbye, as it were, not to just a house, but to the life that I had there. I spent 25 years of my life there, I was born, brought home to that house and left on my wedding day. I went through the death of a friend at 13, the death of my grandfather, when I was 16, the birthof many neices and nephews. Learned to cook, clean, pay bills, do laundry, and all there. I learned that life isn't always what you dream, it is what you make. My parents weren't perfect, Lord knows, they were more than around the bend from perfect, Dad was a raging alcoholic for a good part of my life, Mom, well, she was a secret keeper, a person ill equipt for parenthood, had too many children, put a touch of paranoia in there, and you have part of the person that she was. I really missed my mother when I went on Wednesday to "say goodbye." I broke down in her empty bedroom, in my old bedroom, and again in the kitchen. I walked through the back yard, the side yard and made sure that the basement was absolutely empty. I hope that the house is a happy one for that young couple, it was one for me.

Let's see, what else...there was a terrible accident (car) a few blocks away from our home. It turns out that the victims were known by us. A 17 year old kid was killed and a 20 year old critically injured, hanging on to life. The 17 year old is a nephew of one of our baseball Moms. She is devestated, to say the least. The 20 year old is the brother of a friend of Danny's. The Dad of that young man was Danny's first coach, his Mom was my Dad's dialysis nurse. My thoughts are with them all. I am really affected by this, every time I look at Patrick, it hits home how close in age these young men are to my son. Every time I looked at him yesterday, tears welled up in my eyes, I was sobbing unabashedly when I watched him make his lunch. It was a scarry feeling to allow him to ride his bicycle to his friend's house. I was grouchy and jumpy all day. I made it through yesterday, and I will make it though today. I will hug all three of my children more, and yell less about silly things. Life will go on in our house.

We had baseball last night, 8pm for Danny, and yes, this is not a typo:930pm for Patrick. I stayed for Patrick's game with Danny, I tookScott home in the middle of Danny's game, he had to work today. I am not liking the team my son is a part of. One coach is a nice guy, one coach I have never formally met, and one coach I wish I had the constitution to choke. Last night he went into a tirade because the kids were losing and being shut out. He was berating them, and that bugs the snot out of me. He was telling Patrick where to play, how to play, usually that is a ocoaches job, but he was giving misinformation, telling him the wrong thing to do at the right time. Patrick, bless his heart, was a little more than vocal with him, he argued with him and finally told him that he knew what he was doing. Patrick is a little disheartened, he was asked to play for them as a catcher and a pitcher, he has pitched once, and caught only a couple of times. Most of the time he spends half a game on the bench and is brought in at third or first base. Once he even played the outfield, a position that he hasn't played in many years. At 15 they are a little more specialized in their positions, and Patrick isn't one to say "no," when he is asked to play anywhere. That is enough of enough, I am going to have a talk, calmly with the manager. I am tired of hearing this supposed adult rant and rave and not control himself. He needs to get a grip on himself, be an adult and a role model, that is what a coach should be. Volitle 15 year olds don't need an adult to push their buttons. Ok, rant over, end, fini. Will try to come up with some type of post that isn't so mundane next time.

Decency

2008-07-10T06:09:00.003-04:00

I hope all had a great weekend and recovered through this week. We had a nice week last week, got a few things done around here, Scott was off, he took a couple of vacation days, and added them to his vacation days for the fourth, so he had an entire week. The company we hired to do the driveway came to complete it, and we were rolling. We were instructed to stay off of the driveway for a week, let it set and cure. Ok, so we park the cars in the street, at the curb, legally. Is that unusual for your neighborhood? Never was when I was growing up. I guess, here in this neighborhood, it doesn't count. Neither does a curb, grass, belgiun block, driveway and another row of begiun block, oh, and another lawn. Lest I forget the rear quarter pannel on the passenger side of a car.

Let me back track...I live on a corner, there are STOP SIGNS at the corners. I live on the southwest corner of my road. Someone crossed from teh northeast stopsign , jumped my curb on the corner and crossed the driveway(scraped it up) hopped the other side of belgiun block and onto the front lawn and bam, hit the passenger side (rear) of my car pushing it out into the middle of the street. That isn't the half of it, they took off, left, didn't own up to their responsibility. BOOM!
My hubby and I were sleeping in our room at the back of the house, with air conditioner on. We didn't hear it, our 15 year old heard it, but thought at first that it was yet another mortar shell from the party down the street.. (we will get into that later) So, he was slow in getting up to look out of his window. By the time he sat up, the person had taken off. He ran across the hall, woke us, and we went outside, in various stages of dress, hair standing and in an unbelievable state.
A hubcap left on the driveway, a piece of the plastic that covers the undercarriage of the car left on the lawn. The car is smashed. NOw what? We stood there for a few seconds. A van pulls up, a large van, ford, american made, not matching the hubcap, toyota. The young couple stop, they apologize. We look puzzled, they couldn't get the plate number. They tried to chase down the car to get the plate number, so that we would have something for the police. They weren't successful, the car sped away, on a flat tire, with substantial damage. These folks witnessed the accident, and gave us a description of the car, so we called the police. The young couple went home, they were newlyweds who had their reception in their back yard at larger property further down the street. Nice folks. Glad they were there to give us a description. We thanked them, of course. So, the police came. The officer took the hubcap and the undercarriage cover, made out a police report, and basically told us that there were no injuries, so it was a hit and run, that would be the end of it. I guess that over 4100dollars of damage isn't going to warrant an investigation. Whatever! Yeah, like I have the deductible in my budget. OH well, what am I to do? I am on a mission to find this car. I have ridden around looking for it, Scott has ridden around looking for it. NO success. We are convinced that the person was a partygoer from the bash down the street. That they were under the influence and didn't want to get caught.

Let me tell you, it was quite a bash. It usually is on 4th of July. This year though, it was a little more than over the top. They had portable outhouses! The party started around 3pm, massive drinking, not that I am judgemental, I did it in my younger years, but never got behind the wheel, got someone who wasn't drinking to get me home. Or, slept at the person's house. We were wild, but this was WILD. The fireworks (which aren't legal to average citizens in NY) started at dusk. Ok, a few firecrackers, a few sparklers for the kids, maybe a boomer here and there. That we are used to. This was outrageous. I felt assaulted for hours. I felt as if my house was in the middle of a war zone. It was a professional show out there, sans the music to go along with it. The police drove by, asked them to stop, they did, for about a minute and a half, enough time for the officer and his cruiser to get down the street. Start right up again. Never ending until 11pm. Or so...the party continued into the night, that in itself didn't bother me, the fireworks did, my daughter is petrified of thunderstorms, let alone fireworks. She was shaking, so I had the air on in our bedroom, had her turn the tv on in there and fall asleep there. We moved her later, when Scott came to bed. Mind you, I am not your grouchy neighbor, I am not the one who EVER calls the police for anything other than something necessary. I don't knowck on doors to bug the neighbors about trivial stuff. I don't complain that their kids cut across my lawn, or that they litter on my property. I ask the kids not to sit on the lawn on the corner, that is about it. SO, when a neighbor has a get together, and it goes on past a decent hour, I let it go, they are having fun, they don't do it that often, etc. This party last Saturday was insane, and I mean insane. SO that is my 4th of July story.

Hey, CLiff and Ralph, guess if I had been able to go to Blogstock, the car would have been in the Midwest, with no rearend damage, huh? That was a sad attempt at a joke, but I tried.

My point here is that Decency comes in many forms. None, much and a little. This weekend I experienced a couple of forms. The none, the folks who had the insane asylum going across the street. The person who ran from their responsibility after hitting my car. And then, there was the couple who were just moving their van. They chased the people to get a plate number. They came back to give us a description, they tried to make the accident right for us. So that is my rant. I am finished and convinced that among the indecent, there are decent folks.

Independence Day: The 4th of July

2008-07-01T09:37:00.002-04:00

Growing up, I never put much stock into what the 4th was. It wasn't really taught to us in school, that was a holiday that happened in the summer, so, why do more than gloss over it in the primary grades. Well, I was in the 6th grade, and we took a field trip, to the Patchogue theater, only it wasn't the theater then, it was a large movie house with a balcony section. We were going to see the movie: 1776. Interesting, the whole sixth grade walked there, it was less than a half of a mile from our moddle shool and our teachers were enough chaperones. he movie sparked my interest in history, more than many things had in the past. I realized that the places on the pages of the text books were real, that the people were alive in their times, that the stories could be embellished, could be fictionalized, but that they were real people, real humans, they breathed, they ate, they survived through conditions that we weren't ever going to be used to, that life as they knew it was life. I then looked back to my trips to Sagamore Hill. What a wonderful experience, what a treasure trove of history. What happened here, how were people interacting what did they say and how did they act. Where did they sit at the dinner table, why did they choose the seats they did...and on and on. The trips we took to Williamsburg Va. Those trips were fantasy and reality combined into one. My creative mind watched the people dressed in character, the way that they carried themselves in costume, the fun they must have had dressing for workevery day.The school trips to Old Bethpage Restoration Village, walking in the makeshift "village" with restored buildings from all over Long Island, people who dressed in costume, who baked real bread, who mmade real soap, who ran real blacksmith shops, and liveries and the like. It was amazing to me. My friends thought I was superweird. I saw the beauty in the past, I saw that there was merit in thinking about it. I enjoyed it. I wanted to research it, I wanted to "know" the "characters" I wanted to live the experiences, as they did. I guess that is why I wanted to write. I guess that is where my creative side comes through.

I guess I digress again. I wanted to write about our Independence Day, but I guess I did in a way, but I wrote about my independence, my thought processes. My inspirations for my ideas and such.

Anyway, enjoy your holiday, wherever you may be, what ever you do, whomever you are with, have a small intimate gathereing, have a large event, but enjoy!

Just a Small Town Girl

2008-06-24T09:32:00.002-04:00

I think of the lyrics to Journey's " Don't stop believin" and that line comes to mind. It is funny how in most songs, one little line sticks out for me. The title of this post is one of those lines. It sticks and stays there in my head, with Steve Perry's raggedy voice echoing in the recesses of my mind, the rest of the song going on, but loudest of all is that line.

I guess I should back up and say that I really didn't intend to revisit the song thing, but today the line popped into my head, and I can't get it out of there. SO we will call this entry another in probably an ongoing series of music from my mind.

I really am a small town girl, born and raised here in Patchogue. Left only for a while, 6 years, when I first got married and moved to Westhampton Beach, a town some 23 miles from here. I love that the supermarket is here, that we have a main street, although it is dwindling and changing to a seedy main street. I love that I have the convenience of the library, one of the largest on the south shore of Long Island. I love that my kids are still relatively safe if they ride their bikes beyond the front of the house. I love that I have the choice of two little leagues for my kids, and that I found one, for Patrick, anyway, that made him happy for the past couple of years. I love that people who grew up here come back, and stay. It is getting to be too much on this generation for them to stay, property taxes being what they are, the housing market and job market being what they are, and the reality is that I won't know where my kids are going to settle until they find that place, in all likelyhood, away from here. My mother used to say that her grandfather used to say the following about Long Island: It is a rich man's playground. I am beginning to believe that. Even the "regular" towns are becomming just that. They are full of the poor or the rich. The middle class, or working class is quickly disapearing form our little towns here on the Island. Don't ge tme wrong, we fit into neither category, we are fighting to keep our heads above water, just like everyone else. I just love living here. I love that my children will and are attending the same high school that I did. They went to a different elementary school, and the boys to a different middle school, but, I am still glad that they went to my school district.
It is an accident that my family wound up here in Patchogue. My parents were both natives of Westhampton. They didn't know each other before they were older though. Westhampton had two primary schools. The one on 6 corners, and the two room school house that my dad attended, on Montauk Highway. Mom moved to Brooklyn at 12 to live with her mom and her step dad, and Dad continued on in Westhampton. They met as teenagers when Mom was visiting her grandfather, uncle aunt and cousin. She frequently took the train "home" on weekends, especially in the summer. My parents got married in Westhampton (the same church I got married in, by my design) and set up house in Quogue, later to move to Westhampton. Dad worked for the county, dredging the Great South Bay. The commute was awful, he was working in Bayshore, so they decided, after a bid on a house in Westhampton fell through, to buy a little Cape Cod style house in Patchogue. It was closer to Bayshore, so Dad wouldn't take forever to go to and fro to work. You see, Sunrise Highway, it wasn't completed. It ended at the street before my parents' and then you had to go "down" to Montauk Highway for points east of Patchogue. So that is how my family became Patchogians.

I guess I moved off point here. The history here, the past the present and the future. I don't know, maybe it was a roundabout point to give folks a little of my background. I just let it go and flow, and see where the words take me. Maybe I will tryout pieces from time to time to give you all a little of my history, my time here on earth. My memories of growing up here, of living here, of traveling to and from here. A series if you will........hmmmmmmmmmmm, those are some ideas to fill the pages!

Getaway

2008-06-19T06:07:00.003-04:00

Sorry folks, I haven't posted in a while. Things have been a little nuts around here. Baseball games, practices, Cassidy's birthday yesterday, and Scott and I spent the weekend away. We were planning it, we were talking about it, and finally we made the decision to pick a weekend. The only weekend that he was semi free was last weekend. The kids had baseball infini, but my in laws were willing to take on the marathon, and the kids, so we took the opportunity. The last time we were away without kids was for my nephew's wedding about 4 years ago. That wasn't a getaway, that was a whirlwind. We left after work on a friday and were in the house by Sunday evening. Mind you, it was an eight hour ride to and from the lttle town upstate. We were exhausted and didn't recover from the insanity until the next weekend. So, in the almost 17 years that we have been married, we decided that this was important, just a weekend, just a small amount of time. We didn't do much, we hung out at the "resort." We went shopping at a couple of tourist traps, and climbed a hiking trail to see beautiful waterfalls. I will post pictures of the falls after I exhaust my writing. I came home well rested and feeling a little recharged, but jumped right back into the routine. So as busy as we are, it has been so important for us to have that time. I am glad that we went, I am glad that we found the time, I am glad that Mr. Bush sent us that little extra $$$$$$$. We were able to go without stretching our budget, we used that money to go. It was nice to be able to not worry about where the money was going to come from, or where we would need to cut back so that we could go. SO, guess I should say where we went, because as I read this over, I noticed that I didn't mention it. We went to the Poconos, to Fernwood, an older family "resort." It was starting to show its age, needed to have some, well, many upgrades, and the "resort" season wasn't in full swing yet, so, we were left , at times, with not a whole lot to do, but we made do and just relaxed. So, here are some photos of Bushkill falls, we didn't do the most difficult trail, I couldn't do it, wasn't happening, was getting tired and dehydrated! Worth every moment of it though. Beautiful and a real wonder. Well, the images were supposed to post after this writing, but , ok, at least they were able to be posted, I have had problems in the past, so we take what we can get! Make it a great one, folks, enjoy!

Weather Alert

2008-06-10T05:07:00.002-04:00

I know many of you have seen the news. People all over the country are experiencing bizzare weather. Floods, fires, severe hot weather, rains etc. There were even unfounded reports of a toranado on the east end. The National Weather Center disagrees though, but I think that the folks who lost trees and fences and pools would disagree! Now, the hurricaine season is upon us! Look out Long Island! We here on the island are experiencing terrible humidity and heat. The past three days temperatures have reached above 90 degrees. I can't remember when we have had weather this severe in June. My husband, who never ever ever puts the air conditioners in before July 4th considered doing it.That in itself is a miracle, considering it. We have a ceiling fan in the bedroom(ours) and the living room and kitchen. Those do help a little, and thank goodness for the pool. I had to pick Patrick up from school, he was having symptoms of heat related issues. He never has problems as a result of the heat, sometimes he does get a headache, but that is when he isn't hydrating. Yesterday he went through three bottles of water before noon. He called me at 1030 in the morning. I was in Walmart, shopping for a few necessities, so it took me a little while to get there, I picked him up at 1100. He came home, had some more water, changed his clothing, and rested. Later in the afternoon, he actually ate, and was able to function. He went in the pool when Daniel went in. Cassidy came home and she wanted to go in, so Mom suited up. We spent a good hour in the pool, just cooling off. This year, my goal with the pool is to have Cassidy floating and swimming on her own. She will be 7 next week, she needs to learn. The pool is kidsafe though, it is above the ground, the ladder is removable, and locks in an upward position. Our yard is fenced, so hopefully that is a deterent to those who think the pool is public. Ihad a frank discussion last evening with a friend. Her 11 year old son called when I was at the butcher. Danny answered the phone and told him that I wasn't home, and that no one was allowed in the pool when we weren't home. I called her and told her that under no circumstances was her son to be in my pool when she wasn't there to watch him. I don't allow anyone in the pool without being watched. Joyce is my oldest and best friend. She and I grew up together, but Joyce is limited, she is learning disabled. Her 11 year old is also, add to that ADHD and well you get the picture. SO, I must spell things out in no uncertain terms, in her level. There will be no problems in my yard! SO, today is predicted to be just as hot, humid and horrible, we will grin and bear it, we will get through it. Hopefully the predicitons of the temperatures breaking by this evening, will come true. It will be a relief for everyone. I am complaining, and I haven't even gotten into the fact that poor Scott works outdoors in this stuff! He came home withered and damp. He stopped several times during the day to drink and get out of the heat. He has been doing this for quite a while, so he gets used to it, as used to it as is possible. He likes the heat, rather than the cold. He now says that the cold hurts, that it is impossible to keep warm, at times, but that there is always a way to get cool. I hope so. Heat is so dangerous. I used to call my mother on days like this, early, so that I could make sure that her airconditioning was on. I used to go over to check that it was on low so she didn't get cold. There were times that she would shut it off completely and we would go round and round about it. I actually woke up and thought about calling her to put her air on...but then I remembered...her phone is disconnected...she isn't there any longer...the house is empty.... I have to stop worring about it, the problem doesn't need to be taken care of by me. So, I went on about my day. I hope the weather is cooperating for the rest of you out there, think of me if you have cool breezes, a nice cool house, or a small amount of rain. I will be thinking of those who have it worse than us on Long Island. Hope the floods receede for them, hope there isn't too much material damage, or loss of life. Remember that material stuff can be replaced, photos retaken, life is more important. If the officials in your area say evacuate, take what you can, leave the rest, get out together, that is what is important.

Friends

2008-06-06T05:59:00.002-04:00

There is an email that is circulating. One of those, "foward this if you want, delete if you don't,"types. It talks about friends. I have seen it many times. There are categories of friends, those for a moment, those for a short time and those for a lifetime. (I may have the terms wrong, but you get the idea.) I find that there are aquaintences, friends, and super friends. Those are my categories. I enjoy people's company, I talk to them at the bus stop (although, I do have a friend at the busstop, I also have aquaintences) say hello in the supermarket, say hello in a resturaunt or another type of store. I have friends, those whom I am comfortable enough to sit and have a beer with or a soda, those whom I have no problem seeing my rug with dirt tracked on it etc. I have super friends. Those are the friends who have seen me cry, laugh and yes, sorry for this one, vomit. They are the friends whom I have known for the better part of my life. They are the people whom I would jump off of a bridge for, they are the ones that I consider closer than family at times. I hope that they feel that way too. I think that they do. They were there for me when Scott got sick, right along side my sister and her husband. They were my life line, Lisa was the one who was calling the house at least once a week, asking if she could come over to cook dinner, to do laundry or ANYTHING that was necessary. Maria was there in the distance, she doesn't live near us, so she was emailing and calling, wanted to know his treatment plan(she is an MD) wanting to know what I was doing to be ok. Jon was there in the distance, he is a little more removed from us, but still there, I do know, however, that he would have been in my livingroom if it was necessary. He met me for a walk in Manhattan when Scott was harvesting stem cells, just to get me out of there for a while. That made the day a little easier. Jon was the one who told Scott, on my wedding day, "Take good care of her, we break legs." I believe he would "break legs" if things were that serious. I believe that Debbie, Lisa, Jon, Roseanne, Maria, they all would "break legs" if that was what it took. Like I said before, I would too. If they need me a phone call is all it takes. They are my comfort zone.

Now, I have other friends, who are important in my life too. I have my blog friends, who listened to me cry and scream throughout my husband's illness. Who make me laugh with their posts, and made me cry with their kindness and thoghts and prayers. You guys are also a lifeline, you guys are up there with my superfriends. I have the folks who are parents of players on Daniel's ballteam. We are more than a team, we are a solid group of people who support one another through thick and thin. Last night solidified that too. We met at a local APPLEBEE'S for drinks, for Robin's birthday. She spent her special day on the baseball field, a latenighter too. So the open invitation came form her husband, the manager of the team. She was so happy to see everyone who came, she was cute. It wasn't a large turnout, us, and two other couples, and a Mom who is good friends with her and coincidently with me, we arrived late, Scott had a few things to do, one being mowing my mother's lawn, and he needed to shower after a long day. We didn't stay long, we were home by 1030. It was nice to sit and talk and enjoy each other's company. We got to know a "new" family to the team. I am glad that we were there, we were able to see them outside of the Mom amd Dad mode, to talk to them about general stuff, about things other than who hit that ball and who is on the field. We laughed and giggled(us ladies anyhow.)

I guess my point in this post is that we need other people in our lives. We weren't designed to be single islands. Friends, no matter what form, are the ebb and flow of life. Couples need couple friends, men need their "boys," women need their girlfriends, and the cycle is complete. We have each other (those of us in relationships, marriages etc,) but outside of our intimate relationships, we need each other, the old Striesand song, "People who need People" fits here. Peple do need people. It is the source of being human. Ok, can't go on, am getting boring....

Soundtrack of My Life

2008-06-04T06:20:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I sat at a middle school baseball game. Nothing unusual for me, I have been at all of the home games this year, cheering and watching. Danny doesn't play much, he is a seventh grader, the team is for seventh and eigth graders. I get that the 8th graders paid their dues last year and that it is their turn(collectively) to shine. It is what it is. I do go, though, to all of the home games. SOmetimes I am running late, but it is important for me to be there. So, back to yesterday, Cassidy came off of the bus, didn't really want to go, and Patrick had already said he was going to stay at home. Perfect, I get a couple of hours to go and sit in the sunshine, with the breeze and watch baseball! Cool. So the two stayed home, did Cassidy's homework together, and were fine. Trusty cell phone in hand, I ran to get a cup of coffee, decided on a coolatta, from Dunkin' Donuts, and off to the game I went. Took my chair out of the trunk, and sat next to the bleacher(thesmallest in recorded history, hence the chair.) Of course, sitting near the bleacher in any sport that is school related, is not great to do if you want to enjoy the game. The Dads are there, you know them all well, frustrated coaches, who comment on everything, but don't just comment, they yell, they coach and they call out to all of the kids, from the sidelines. It isn't so bad, but when they correct something that the coach told the kid to do, or they criticize things or the way things are done, it just irritates me. SO, being alone, with no one to keep watch over, I reached into my bag of tricks, and pulled out a magic machine! My IPOD....my 2 year old obsolete IPOD. It works so well, it still stores and takes music, it still has a memory. I don't need the new one, the latest one, I won't unless this one dies. Plug in the headphones, and I am good to go. I put the player on shuffle, that way I get a variety of artists and songs, and not all one at the same time. SO there I sat, listening to my music....thinking about how each song defined me at different times in my life. It is interesting to realize the memories that a bar of music can trigger. Like Sinara: "Summer Wind" it is the last song that danced with my Dad. I still skip that one, too raw, but not as raw as it could be. Some of the songs that I remember from am radio, when I used to ride in the middle of my parents in Dad's truck on our way to camp pulling a trailer. The Bee Gees, "Massachusetts" knowing every word, memories of sitting in a pop up camper with my Mom, my brother and his friend Fred. Rain pounding and wind howling, a hurricaine outside, in CT at a campground. My Dad had to work that weekend, so he pulled the camper to the campground, and left to go back to work. I think my brother followed in Mom's car. I skipped through some songs, listening to a couple of lines, and moving on, afraid that the memories would be too raw and that my emotions would flow on a baseball field. That is the sound track of my life. Each song either represents a time or brings memories back. The GO GO's, ABC, AC/DC, Winger, Andrea Boccelli, Shainia Twain, Bee Gees, The Village People, Lime, Morris Day and he Time, The Supremes, The Ojays, all of them have gotten me through the rough, the good and the best or worst of times. The soundtrack of my life, like a movie that I can see in my head. I see the people in the "movie" clearly, I feel the feelings that I felt then. It is amazing what one bar or two bars of music, with or without words can conjure up.

I thought I would be funny and try to equate the titles of the songs with times in my life, but this post evolved into something else, and there are too many titles that equate with different times, too many. I didn't know that I knew so many songs, obscure ones too. So, I will leave you with the thought that you all should listen to your soundtrack. Enjoy it, remember it, laugh, cry and be angry if necessary. It is yours, and yours alone, places and people come and go, but your soundtrack stays with you, it evokes your memories, your experiences, your entire life. Have fun with it, create new songs and live with them!

Getting the Juices Going

2008-05-29T13:22:00.003-04:00

There are times when I try to let the creativity juices flow, there are times when they just do. I used to think that talent was God given, lately I have been thinking that it is a practiced skill, Now don't get me wrong, there is some talent that needs to exist, organically, but if you don't nuture and protect and practice the talent, it withers and ceases to exist. I believe this is so with writing, sports, singing and all things that talent comes in to play. I enjoy just letting the thoughts run through my head, but if I don't write them down, if I don't type them into a rough draft, then well, it is my fault that they don't wind up on this page. There are many things that run through my mind on any given day, the house, Scott's health (which is just fine,at this point by the way,) getting the mortage paid,(who isn't running that through their minds these days,) where and when each child has to be after school, we are in our busy season, everyone has baseball, and all of that. School is winding down, the boys are getting ready for finals, Cassidy is getting ready to clean out her desk, all of this runs through my head, at all times. So, when it comes down to blogging, you , my audience, tend to suffer. I will, in the future, try to write snippets down to get creative, to nuture my writing, to give you all a better blog. There I said it, there I promised to try. Have a great week!

Memorial Day

2008-05-22T06:01:00.002-04:00

As the "big" weekend approaches, I feel strongly that we must all take some time to remember what Memorial Day really means. It isn't just the unofficial kickoff of the summer season. It isn't an excuse to have a BBQ, it isn't just the weekend to open up your Hamptons house. Memorial Day is real. It is a day to reflect, to remember and to thank those who gave the ultimate sacrifice, their lives, defending our freedom, our country, our way of life. It is also the day that we should remember those who gave their lives to defend foreign countries, in our honor. If it means that you go to a parade, to show respect for the sacrifice, or you just sit and think about what it means to have a Memorial Day, then it should be done. Veterans Day is to honor those who served, survived and came home. Fourth of July, Independence Day, is the day that we celebrate with wild abandon, just as the founding fathers abandoned their fears, their country, and formed our nation. Memorial Day is for rememberence. Just remember, the ultimate sacrifice and what that means. We need to teach our children that it is important to set aside a day for this, for rememberance. That freedom isn't always a given, that people actually believe that freedom must be defended and people do die for freedom. Our children don't understand our freedom, they take it all in as a given, they don't get that it needs to be defended. It is our right, and a privledge at the same time. (But I will stop here, this rant is for another time.) I rant today, because I see the adds in the newspaper, on the TV, hear them on the radio. Buy this buy this, buy that, cars on sale, clothes on sale, electronics on sale. SALE SALE SALE! Hurry to the store, get the bargain. That is what Memorial Day has become. So, as we approach the extended weekend, go shopping, have that BBQ, enjoy the "party," but reflect that we have a Memorial Day to sit a few minutes and remember that all of it has a price.

(OK, stepping down from my soapbox, enjoy the weekend, hope the weather is great for all of you!)

Belated Post

2008-05-12T05:52:00.002-04:00

Mother's Day. It was a rough one. I didn't want to admit it, but it was. I tried to get through, without getting upset, but there was an underlying current for me. I was sad, angry and we as a family,were busy. I got up at 6am, made coffee (like any other Sunday) started laundry ( I did three loads) loaded and unloaded the dishwasher, ironed a shirt and something for me to wear. I also ironed a shirt for Patrick. We had a Communion (Scott's God daughter) and a Confirmation (a nephew) to go to. Scott went out and bought breakfast from our favorite bagel shop. The kids gave me the TOP CHEF COOKBOOK, which I will sit and peruse today. I asked for it, as I am not the flower person or planter around here. I thank Rachel for her Mother's Day wishes, that was sweet. I want to wish all of the moms out there a belated Mother's Day. I hope that everyone was out there enjoying it! I must say that it was a busy one this year, I guess I needed to be kept busy, and that I am sort of grateful for it. Everyone make it a good day!

Making it Work

2008-04-30T06:17:00.003-04:00

It's Wednesday again, and I am posting. It seems that I make the time to post on Wednesdays. I don't know why, but that has been the way that it has worked out lately. Over the past week, we have had torrential downpours, summer like weather, and today almost frost. There is a frost warning for tonight, into tomorrow morning. I guess we have run the gauntlet of the weather spectrum. I don't get it, but I accept that I cannot do anything about it, so whay complain. Today, my new furniture is comming, we ordered it about two and a half weeks ago. It was time, we have had the same furniture for 10 years, since we moved into the house, and we bought it at a local (now defunct) department store, in their clearance warehouse. We bought the couch and loveseat for 650 dollars, so I think we have gotten our money's worth out of the pieces. In fact, when you sit on the couch, you are practically sitting on the floor. Needless to say, it wasn't made that well. I never had end tables, until this year, I took my mother's when we cleaned out her house. I always had a coffee table, but I also took my
Mom's to match the tables. I put mine in the basement, (it is a "finished"one) with the old furniture that my in laws gave us for that, now the kids have a place to put more stuff! My basement needs to be cleared out! But anyhow, we could neverafford a matching end table and coffee table combo, so, I used wooden folding snack tables and I had the pine coffee table, that I also purchased at the same above mentioned warehouse. They were the same color wood, so it wasn't that bad. (Yeah, right!) Hey, I'm not complaining, it worked functionally. I am a girl who believes in the addage, if it works, it's fine. I have lived with hand me downs for quite a while. The only brand new piece in my living room was my hope chest that my parents gave me when I was married. It ws one that I fell in love with when I worked as a cashier in Patchogue. I walked by it everyday in a store window, I just loved it. I would stop and stare for a few minutes, and move on. When my Mother asked if I wanted one, I said "yes," but I didn't want to ask for it, it was pricey. She told me it didn't matter, that I should have what I wanted, it was ok, so, I showed it to her. It took forever for it to come in, it ws back ordered, but it came in before I was married, and it was mine! the rest of our stuff was pieces from this person, that person, yard sales, and the like. We had the mixed up decorating technique, hey it worked. I didn't have a bedroom set until a couple of years after we moved in to this house. The boys' beds and dressers are still handme downs. Cassidy's too. It works. That is my motto. If I can paint it, stain it or leave it alone, I will and I will make it work. I guess that is my motto, I will make it work in my home, it will look fine with a little decoration, or fixing up.

Well, I guess that will be that for this week, I emptied my head, and hope that I didn't bore you guys too much.

Post 231

2008-04-22T07:47:00.003-04:00

For lack of a better title, this is "Post 231." I am running out of catchy headlines, sorry folks. I sit here this morning, running thoughts through my head, hearing the local news running and repeating itself in the background. It is supposed to be a beautiful day, going up into the high sixties, that is good news. Most of the background noise isn't though, this one is arrested for this, that one is arrested for that, etc. This million dollar baseball player is on the disabled list for a hangnail(not really, but pardon my exageration, they are all big babies, and baseball is my game.) We have the segment every tuesday, LI Love Stories, that is now on in the background. It is a "how we met, why we fell in love, when we got married, how long we have been married," cute and fuzzy, better when it is the folks who have been married for 50 years, not the 20 year ones, they are too close to my age, and amazing though it may be in today's world, it isn't so amazing to me when I am three years off of their number. OK, enough complaining about the fluffy news.

I had a weird dream last night, maybe it was the Tylenol PM, but it was strange just the same. I dreamt that I was watching Tv with my family, my sister was here too. A comercial came on for a brand of thermostats, and the line written on the screen was, "My Favorite PLace to Meet My Husband, is by the Thermostat in Tekumah." Sorry Cliff, I think I spelled your town wrong, but that is how I remember it in the dream. A woman goes on and on about how that is where they had their first kiss. It was weird in its content, but the strangest thing is that the actors were Cliff, Marilyn and Ralph and Char. The were running in and out of a farmhouse that looked like the pictures that Cliff posts of his farm. The people weren't talking, it was a voice over, they would smile and wave at the camera, like in the old home movies. Weird, huh???? Maybe I am thinking that I am neglecting my duties as a blogger, don't know, but I find it strange. I guess I should be happy that it was a comercial, not a horror movie, or a nightmare. I don't know, but thought I would let you all know what was going on in my subconscious. Ok, that is all for now. Make it a great week!

What the heck?

2008-04-09T15:07:00.001-04:00

I seriously don't know what the bleep bleep happened! All of a sudden, no one can comment on my blog??????? Sorry about that , working to resolve that little problem, little, no huge!!!!!!

My Wed Post

2008-04-09T14:48:00.002-04:00

Right now, I am simmering a soup. It is a soup that I have never made before, but one I have always wanted to make. I am making Italian Wedding Soup. I made a recipie that I found in a book from the library. Cassidy and I went to the library last night, our books were due back yesterday, so we dropped Patrick off at baseball practice, and well, we went for a while to our local library. Anyway, I really enjoy going, and her love of books, makes my daughter the perfect partner to go with. I have always enjoyed the library, so I tried to pass that on to my children, I tried, but I think I failed with the boys, they hate to read, they don't enjoy books, and really try to avoid reading, unless it is a requirement. Cassidy on the other hand, wlll seek out books and read for enjoyment. She is a terrific kid, so are the boys, but so different. My little girl would spend a day in the library, looking for and at books. She would read until she fell asleep.

But back to the subject at hand, I digress. The library has so much to offer, so many volumes of cookbooks. The ones that I chose last night were in the "new" non fiction section. I saw them on display and chose a few. A couple of them were not my taste in cookery, but that is the beauty of the library, you can return the book and not feel terrible about it. SO, off I am to finish up the ending of the soup, can't wait to taste it!!!!!! oh, by the way anyone out there watch TOP CHEF on Bravo network??????It is one of my favorite shows, better than most shows on tv, in my opinion, love to see what is cooking each week.

Happenings

2008-04-02T05:55:00.002-04:00

Today is a quiet day, not too much going on...yeah right! I have to get the kids off to school, make sure everyone has what they need before hand, fold a couple of loads of laundry, try to get some more laundry done, and go to Cassidy's school for "superhero" accessory making. Her teacher had them create a ssuperhero. They spent time developing a name for the character, developing a story and writing a book. He ordered tee shirts (asked for our children's sizes) and they are going to or already have made those. Today we are doing belts, capes and I guess any other accessories necessary to complete the costume. Of course, Mr. O knew that I would be available to come in to help! I just love the fact that I can, no lie, I love being there for my little girl. It is something I really wasn't able to do with the boys, and my mom had to work, so she couldn't do the little things that were special for me. Don't get me wrong, she did make sure I got to Girl Scouts, concerts, and she volunteered to go on field trips when she could. The big trips, like the BRONX ZOO, the MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY, the COLD SPRING HARBOR WHALING MUSEUM, SAGAMORE HILL. Things like that. I just missed that she didn't bring the cupcakes to my class, that I had to bring them in in the morning, by myself. I missed that she wasn't there, like the rest of the moms after school to pick me up, that I walked home, to an empty, well not empty, my brother was in a coma sleeping from work the night before in his room upstairs. Lord knows it wasn't only from work, he had chemical help, but that is another story. I really love that Ihave the freedom to "help" the students and my daughter. She will remember that I was there for things, maybe not what things, but she will remember that she saw me in her classroom. I think the teacher helps too. I really like the teacher that she has, he is great with the kids, he teaches to them not at them, and he enjoys what he does. In the first grade, my daughter knows more about the way we read and write. He teaches beyond what they NEED to know, he teaches what they SHOULD know. He also makes them tie in other stories to the one that he is reading to them, he asks them to "remember" what was said in "BLAH BLAH," that we read last week. It is cool to watch him, really. He is the kind of teacher that I wish I had when I was younger. My daughter will have a love of reading and writing that will last a lifetime. She really does love books. But this is only a part of my day.

After that I have to start calling COD oil delivery companies. My mother's house is just about out of oil, and I must call someone to put a small amount of oil in the tank, just so that the burner doesn't burn out turning on. I have to pay out of pocket for it and get it back with a receipt of course, when the estate is settled. I cannot call her oil company, she owes them a big bill. A tank of oil was selivered after she died, even though I asked that they take the house off of automatic delivery. Don't get me started....But anyhow, I have to do that to make sure that the house stays intact. I can't wait until the whole business is settled. Believe it or not, it is still getting very cold here at night. The temps are supposed to go down into the high 20's or low 30's tonite!

After that I have to make sure that I have spaghetti in the house, I know I have pasta, but specifically spaghetti, is needed for tonite. I am making a sort of chicken catticitore in the crockpot today, I won't be here to ensure that nothing burns, or explodes, or sets the house on fire, so the slow cooker is my best bet. Actulally, my husband used to make this type of chicken, when I was working, when we needed to have a good hot dinner, when I didn't make things on the fly. He was good at it too! He hasn't made it in quite a while, I haven't seen him cook in a dogs age, he hasn't the need to, I am not working outside the home, I make sure that dinner is on the table, when and how it needs to be, and I stick to the "do not cook list."(again, another story)

Daniel is trying out for the middle school team, he started on Monday, he has practice tonite for his travel team too. They open the season on Friday night under the lights at a baseball complex (privately owned, and expensive for the teams to play there) locally. His pal from school is comming over today after tryouts, they will take the athletic bus home together, they are on the travel team together, and his mom is working, and dad doesn't get home early enough for him to take the kid to practice. It isn't a big deal, it works out pretty good, the boys come home, if they have time eat dinner(maybe not tonite) and fly to practice. If they don't have time for dinner, I will give them a snack and they will have to eat after practice. Patrick wants to help out the manager tonite, so both boys will be going. It helps out the team and it helps keep Patrick loose for his own team. He starts practice on Friday. Daniel has a game at 8pm, Patrick has practice at 6pm. It will all work out. I wil probably send Scott with Daniel and Cassidy, and I will endure the chilly weather by the water for Patrick's practice. Hope that the games don't conflict with Daniel's, it wouldn't be fair to either boy for one or both of us to miss out on the games. It will all work out. It always does. Anyway, must fly to get my dinner started, I have to make sure that the seasonings all are in the slow cooker, that everything is in the "go mode" as my sister Marge would say. Have a great day, think of me around 6pm, on the baseball field, freezing....

2008-03-26T14:47:00.003-04:00

I really don't know what to say, so I will just keep writing until I think I am finished. I went out today to the food store. I needed to get out of the house to keep busy. As I told my husband this morning in a phone conversation, I am not having a good day. It has no rhyme or reason. I can't put a finger on why, but it isn't a good day emotionally for me. I am not feeling happy, nor am I feeling good about myself. I woke up this way this morning. Just puttering around the house isn't going to help today. I have been doing laundry, putting things away, pacing, went food shopping, put most of the things away, the perishibles, and am taking the things to the pantry shelves in the basement. Right now, I am taking a break from the usual stuff, but the break isn't good today. I need to move and keep myself moving, the more that I keep busy right now the better. Part of the problem, I think is that I remember part of a dream that I had last night. NOt a whole part but a flash, my mother was in it, she could see, and she was cooking. I don't know why, but it kind of saddened me awake, but the feeling that I had when I was asleep, was contentedness, I don't remember feeling upset, or bothered, I didn't wake up feeling bothered, but as the day began to unfold, I became more and more upset, more and more bothered, and I just couldn't explain why to myself, nor to anyone else. I am just feeling edgy. I am feeling sad. Logically I know that there will be days like this, I also know that there will be days that I am feeling good, they come and they are good, I laugh about stuff that my mom used to do, but I just miss her. Blind, seeing, or the way she was in the end, a little "off." I just miss her. I guess that is the real root of things going on today, I just miss her. Today everything is reminding me that I miss her, even thefood store, it reminded me that she doesn't need me to shop for her anylonger. It reminded me that she wasn't in her house waiting for me to bring her her groceries. That I didn't call her for her grocery needs. I needed to go down the frozen food aisle, mom always had me get the prepared frozen meals so that she could microwave them for herself. That aisle was hard for me, I see a wall of the frozen meals, and I get a wistful smile on my face. Again, I just miss her, no doubt about it, I just do. Ok, I think that I have been redundant enough, that I have been depressing enough. I will end now, all typed out and tired of thinking too much.

It's Tuesday

2008-03-25T13:37:00.002-04:00

Well, glad that this weekend is over. The kids went back to school today, that was a blessing. It isn't that they are bad, just bored. We had a nice Easter and hope that all of you did the same.

Saturday was another story. Cassidy woke very early, with a fever and was vomiting. She was holding her right side and crying that she hurt there. I am not usually a panic stricken mother, but Saturday I became one. Let's just say that I was dressed in under a minute flat and had the car backing out of the driveway before I could think. I carried her into the local ER and worried terribly. After 8 hours, we came home. Diagnosis: something bacterial going on, so she was given antibiotics to help clear the infection. Doc couldn't see in her ears, she had a ton of wax , but had congestion, had high white count in her blood work, so it was a warranted perscription. As for the pains in her side, gas...gas, what an expensive bout of gas that will be, but better safe than sorry. She had blood work, a urinalysis, a chest xray, and a CT scan. The chest exray was to make sure that she didn't have pneumonia, that can cause pain in the sides, and when that was ruled out, the Ct was to ensure that she didn't have any organ problems, or as I thought, an appendix problem. The nurse gave her the first dose of the antibiotic un the ER, and then I took the script with me. Poor Cassidy, did a lot of sleeping that afternoon and evening, a lot of floids, no solids, but that was ok too. When she woke the next am, no fever, she looked bedraggled, but was raring to go.

So, Easter, it was. The kids got their baskets, they loved their "presents." Nothing big, but something for Easter. We went for brunch at Scott's sister in law and brother's home, and they had an Easter egg hunt for the kids. It was nice. Then we went home, for me to begin cooking, and cook I did. Too much food, but it was a good meal, and it was nice to be able to do it. I am glad that I did it too. I was chasing demons so to say. It was hard, it was sad, but I am glad that I did it. I didn't cry or get upset, but it was there, I really missed my mother. I winged a few things, I didn't have anyone to call to ask, she isn't there to pick her brain, but I tried to remember, and I hope that I did. Everyone seemed to enjoy the meal, and I tried to send people home with food, unsuccesfully for the most part, but I got my mother in law to take some things home. Now, I recover. I sit and relax a little, and try to figure out what the heck to do with all of these leftovers.

Early Greetings and Wishes

2008-03-19T06:28:00.002-04:00

I have been busy this week, and it is only Wednesday.Sunday, we were invited to my in laws' for the traditional corned beef and cabbage dinner. The day before ST Pat's and that saved me the boiling and checking of the dinner on a Monday. Besides, it is better when someone else cooks, any type of food. So, I decided to bake something for dessert. I borrowed a cookbook from the library because it was a book about desserts specifically. I was going to bake a pound cake, but chickened out. I was going to bake a coffee cake, but chickened out. I delved into the book a little further, and it hit me as I turned the page...IRISH SODA BREAD! I read and reread the recipie, seemed simple, so, poof, I started baking. Cassidy helped me, by putting ingredients in the bowl, using the pastry cutter to blend the dough, kneading the dough with me and making a general mess. It was fun, it was scary, and for me being of Polish, Slovak, and German descent, I think that I make a mean Irish Soda Bread. I will make it again, it was rather simple, but the bonding with my daughter, who is of Irish descent, that was the real joy here. She was so proud of the fact that she "punched the baking soda bread," and was beaming from ear to ear when she handed my mother in law the foil wrapped package. The bread was good, in fact, it was one of the best that I have had. It was almost as good as raisin bread, so that was a plus for me. In fact, my oldest, Patrick, has been munching at the loaf that I kept at home, the entireweek. My husband has been taking it for coffee break at work every day, so the loaf is diminishing. I may have to make some for Easter.

I am having dinner here at the house, at 5pm for those of you in the area, tee hee. I am doing the "feast" that my mother used to do, minus a few of the cakes that she used to bake. The menu includes, ham, potatoes, veggies, but also Kielbasa and sauerkraut, gawumpkis(stuffed cabbage rolls) pierogies, boiled and fried(yes, fried) with onions, a poppy seed cake, and a new recipie, cookie pops. I think that my mom made a few things that I am not inculding, but I guess over the years I may discover what they are and add them. This is only my second Easter dinner, I did it last year, and it was fun. It was easy, I tried to make ahead and freeze what I could, so that it was easier. I make the stuffed cabbage already, but cannot really make anything else ahead of time, so, I will put it together as I go on Saturday and Sunday. I want it to be special, I want it to be nice, cross your fingers for me.

We are going to brunch at Scott's brother and sister's in law home. Her children go to their Dad's for ALL holiday dinners. Not fair in my book, but I didn't sign the papers. She enjoys making a meal on the holiday, so brunch it is. It is nice to gather with them at their house too, I get it, holidays should be special, an d eveyone should gather together, for some type of meal. Penny has done brunch for quite a few years, so we pushed the dinner hour up to the real dinner hour. We will be spending dinner with the same folks, just my in laws, and Scott's brother and sister in law. I just want to do dinner, not the sit down formal kind, but just traditional foods that I was used to growing up with as a kid. This will be a hard one for me again, serving what my mother used to serve, but I will get through, I will survive. I had dinner last year, because my sister, who took over for my mother, didn 't have dinner at home last year. We were left to our own devices, so I just picked up the baton and ran with it. My sister called last week to invite us to dinner at her house, but I had already planned this with Scott's family, so I had to decline. I know that last year, my mother enjoyed having a dinner here, with all of the old favorites, only I didn't do the stuffed cabbage, I didn't know how, I didn't have the right cookbook, I didn't have the Polish cookbook that my mother used, from a church in a Polish community on the east end of Long I sland. Now, I have that cookbook, with my mother's notations in it, with a few of her recipies penned in on the blank pages. So, I hope that these recipies work. I think that they will, I know that she would be proud. It will not be easy, but again, I will get through. Christmas wasn't easy either, but it will be easier next year and the year after, and so on. So too with Easter, it will get easier with each passing year. It helps to know that, the logical side of me says.

The emotional side is not so convinced. I have been weepy, and sad. It will get better. The kids have off from school today, tomorrow, Friday and Monday. It is raining hard, supposed to all day. Hopefully it will stop by the weekend. It is warming up, tempertaure wise, so tha t is a plus.

I guess today I will decorate the house indoors for Easter. We will put out the baskets, empty so tha t they can be filled by the big bunny on Sunday, a few pieces of my "glass" decorations, and be done. What makes it simple is that I put everything away last friday, Scott finished up the painting over the weekend, so I haven't gotten to putting every thing back in its placce. I will give a quick dust, press a doilie or two and then poof, decorate for Sunday, and tear it down Monday! Monday, we will haul out the "put aways," and we will have our house back by the afternoon.

Well,that is enough verbiage! I hope that everyone has a Happy Easter and that it is filled with joy and love. Celebrate this most holy of days, together, with family or friends or both. My wish to you all is laughter and love on this holiday.

Something Cliff Said

2008-03-12T13:11:00.003-04:00

Cliff's most recent post inspired me here. Not as a whole about truckers, truckstops, or stoic waitresses, but one word, "cough." You see for the past two years, my daughter gets this cough. It usually starts in the fall, when the weather starts to change. It lasts a little over the week, and gets way worse before it gets better. It sounds like croup with a bronchitis mixed in. I take her to the doctor three days into it, and lo and behold it is viral, or allergy related, maybe. Iknow it isn't productive, nothing is spewing out, it just sounds awful. I usually keep her home for one or two days when it is at its worst. I do take her out in public, as it is sometimes necessary. Sleeping is a challange for me, not for her, I give her an over the counter cough med and she gets some relief from that one. The doctor never perscribes anything stronger, he says that it is dangerous. She barks at the doctor, she barks at the nurse, she barks in the waiting area. VIRAL, give any and alot of fluids. Keep an eye on her, call us if it gets worse. Worse????? how much worse can it get???????? She is barking, not coughing...Strange, and it never really affects her personality, she takes it in stride, goes about her day, hates to miss school, and just deals with it. Her teacher, thank goodness, had her last year, so he knows the cough. He understands when I call to let him know that it developed overnight,and we are riding it out. He always says he will watch her and call if he feels it is necessary. The nurse, the best nurse in the whole world, has heard, seen and helped, with the cough. She says the same thing as the teacher. She will watch out for my little one. So, if you see me out in public, with a little girl, coughing her head off, I am not an abusive, neglective mother, I am watching and waiting it out. I can do nothing more, as your hideous look suggests, I have been the route of nurse, doctor, home. I have not felt as if the whole of western medicine has let me down. I have vaccinated my children, I do have health insurance, I use it, I have a doctor, I go to his office. I just have accepted the fact that my daughter has a cough, it sounds worse than it is, it will pass, and life goes on! So, now, at the moment, she is cough free, hopefully she will stay that way for a very long time.

Thinking

2008-03-11T08:31:00.002-04:00

My philosophical side has left me, or maybe my writing muse has. I don't know. Either way, Miki, of old, has left the building. I really don't know what to write about any more. I want to write, I feel like writing, but when I get the chance, well, the thoughts and subjects have left me.
So, as mundane as it seems, I will write a short quip. My inlaws upgraded their laptop, so the "old one" became ours. We don't mind handme downs by any means. Scott and his Dad got the wireless router going last night. So now, I guess the pc can go into the "shop" to get all of the kinks worked out. That might be the project for this weekend. That and painting the living room. (See, mundane subjects are what are spewing forth.) I think I need a break from the everyday, wish I could be one of the "beautiful" people and wisk myself off to a small island of my ownership, and stretch out on the beach for a couple of weeks. But, that isn't my destiny. I guess, as an old professor said, I need to "go to Miami in my mind." Perhaps I will be able to feel the sand and the waves. we will see...

Let me Clarify...

2008-02-27T06:11:00.004-05:00

For those of you who don't know me well, my hubby isn't a miilitary person as the previous post may have suggested. I got the essay as an email from a really great friend, and I thought it was post worthy. Many times when I get emails that move me, I copy and paste them to my blog, it makes me feel as if I have passed on some worthy information. Sorry Jamie Dawn for the confusion, but I do know someone who is in the military and who is going to the mid east, and I am PROUD of him and of his family!